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Sorry everyone

CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
Sorry everyone,I was in meltdown mode yesterday, over night I've pulled myself together.you see I see CARL58 as a man with health issues,not the other way round Ike you see the mental health & disabilities then the man,in the past when he could get out the amount of ignorant people who would stare and the comments, what's she doing with a sap like him.etc & I'd put them straight & make them feel small and ashamed.the morale to this,is CARL58 can hear and somewhere inside him back then it registered,made him feel uncomfortable and ashamed of what he's become.often he will say to me he's aburden, I'll smile give him a cuddle and say your my burden I'm not going anywhere and we would have a good cry together.il leave you alone in peace going to give him a shave take care all jen

Replies

  • Ami2301Ami2301 Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,751 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Jen, there is no need to apologise :) We will always be here for you both!
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    Ami2301 thank you your so caring and I appreciate that 😉jen
  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,257 Disability Gamechanger
    Good morning Jen

    I hope you and Carl are as well as can be. May I suggest that you keep all your posts on one thread, it makes it much easier for us to follow
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • wildlifewildlife Member Posts: 1,314 Pioneering
    Good Morning Jen, I don't know what you're apologizing for but all the best to both of you. You're doing great. Pat XX

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 587 Listener
    Hi Jen, I hope you are doing ok today? No need to apologise though, it's not easy trying to help people with mental health problems, I know first hand what a pain in the bum I am with my mental and physical health problems and often feel sorry for my Son who tries to take care of me and make sure I'm ok. It's good that Carl has you for support :)
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    Cockneyrebel sorry I only know the coffee lounge s that what you mean by thread or topic I'm having a dizzy  blonde moment hope your well jen
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    WF2k thank you ,I just wish these so called professionals would give me and CARL58 support and see past his illness and disabilities, but they choose not to understand,his brain injury has caused a personality change,he has no control over, headway charity understand but that's more like telephone support, they've mentioned social services are a waste of time it's like CARL58 needs so many different consultants,none of them work together so it's easier for them to wash there hands of him, like I've been told over and over its to oomplicated,one could do this and make things worse or another could this and make things worse it's never ending,no one wants to step up and take charge it's so damn frustrating.jen
  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,257 Disability Gamechanger
    edited April 2019
    Please don't apologise, just add anything you want to say at the bottom. CARL58 is a thread which you can add to at any time without starting a new CARL58 thread
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 587 Listener
    edited April 2019
    I really don't know what to suggest because they only support I really get is from my family (son and Mum). I've tried whatever has been suggested to me and it's not helped. I can only imagine how frustrated Carl must feel at times.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger

    Hello @CARL58 Please do not apologise. This is your friend.

    The problem is what you described perfectly  no one will work together all the agencies and organisations to try to give him time to heal and recovery.

    I did add in a previous post the organisation I used.  Sorry forgot to include this.

    https://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk.

    What this is a mental health charity. They do accept people with a range of issues and problems.

    I know they will look at how they can help and advise his own particular needs. They offer floating support and outreach workers.

    Also looking at benefits and wellbeing. Can attend assessments.  Look at additional signposting, guidance anything else related.

    Within the organisation or outside. 

    In my case advised my own benefit situation . Got a lot of help with that.

    I for example need long term therapy and counselling this they provided.  With a support worker for anything else to help through every thing.

    Took me two years. The added useful information and advice to my addiction history.  If I needed to speak some one.

    They can offer that support.

    Hopes that helps.  Please give that a try. Wish you well.

    Please if I can help with anything else.

    Be happy to do so.

    There is help out there but it has to be the right help. Also what does Carl want and require, need right now.

    I want to give you reassurance and confidence that he will get help.

    Pleasure to meet you.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman




    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    Thespiceman thanks for that I'll try them, he needs help I'm only touching the surface.keeping him as calm & as well as I can, there's only so much I can do.theres not enough hours in aday thank you again jen
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger

    Hello @CARL58 Jen thank you for reply. Understand everything you are going through as well as him.

    What is important that we can help you much as we can. Give this space here to chat and ask any questions.

    You are a valued friend to him.  You have done enough. Please be proud of all your achievements.

    Please can I also say it is small steps every day is doing that.

    There are good people out there to help and guide, advise.

    Wish you well and please keep in touch.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • zakbloodzakblood Member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    edited April 2019
    the waiting and mopping around i'm doing atm after my failed assessment, and knowing what it's going to be like for the next X amount of months, as last time it was a 3 month wait, now could be 6 to 9 months or upto a tyear, without money, support as my partner is my carer so without any income and my inability to work, my partner carer needs to find work and leave me on my own, something i'm not also looking forward to, loosing everything on the the 15th of April has come as a massive shock to the system so know how you feel, being informed it's effecting so many now, and knowing the delays are longer now not like they were 12 years ago when i last went to Tribunal, means long wait, bigger dept and more illness and anguish and falling into despair, a long dark road ahead, and like a tunnel, you know there's an end to it, but getting there is always as straight forwarded as keep carrying on, it's hard on both and effects family and friends and not just the one who losses something, so good luck and hope each day gets better for you both
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    Zakblood I'm truly sorry to hear that I know it doesn't help but these people are heartless,bet they wouldn't see there kin go without.im Canadian myself lived here many years, Britain isn't far off being a third world country.they should be looking after the ill and disabled,not bringing them down to there knees,the fat cats get fatter while others suffer.as a nation how can they be proud of other people's suffering take care jen
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    Thespiceman, I know I've most probably wasted alot of time on this and pip most probably won't even read it,but I've gone way back on how CARL58 illness started the traumas that caused his illness, things I can't mention on here,how he got his brain injury,etc right up to now.it took alot out of him alot of tears,things that affect  him today from the past etc,I know it's what you can do can't do need help with etc but try and give them a more understanding of his illness and disabilities not just answering questions.giving them the full picture how complex his illness & disabilities are jen
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger

    Hello @CARL58 Jen thank you for letting me know.  One of the things about PIP.

    You have done and given a lot of information about his background and history.

    I think that is only thing to do make the case.

    If you can . I know this might be useful in getting the much deserved benefit,

     I would add if you can speak to the charity I recommended they will advise the benefit situation with Carl.

    Also give some ideas of support, and guidance regarding the whole picture of his issues and problems.

    Here hoping to a positive outcome.

    Speak soon anytime.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    Thespiceman hi had a bad night CARL58 had bad flashbacks,only because I was digging and pushing him for history,for year's that I didn't know about,caused him alot of anquish and wiped him out mentally,got the extra I needed made me feel awful doing it to him,like I said in another post,it needed to come out so they get a bigger picture what's led up to you being ill,i know he won't hold it against me,but it does affect me seeing him poorly today,jen
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger

    Hello @CARL58  Jen  thank you for your reply.

    Please do not apologise for doing anything wrong here you have not.

    Understand this needs to be disclosed.  The problems and issues are deep and scars need time to heal.

    My anxiety and concern is that he does need to say what is happening but if he does . With some one who is a professional counsellor who can identify the issues and problems with out causing harm mentally.

    By accessing the right support .

    Learnt a lot from the counsellors and support workers. They give you reasons why you are having these problems.

    Use that knowledge for my own personal circumstances.  You have coping methods and systems.  It is done everything slowly and with any support.

    So if you have any problems or issues need to cope you can deal with this.

    Always learning, educating myself no one is perfect.

    This is what happens when you have triggers and flashbacks.

    Understand it is like small pieces of the mind to recall and remember. Anything can set them off. 

    Trauma and emotive becomes difficult to deal with.  Anxiety plays a lot as the anguish and the sudden need .

    How can I deal with this memory these triggers. Feeling guilty plays on your subconscious . 

    Hence my addiction history. The help and guidance to get through all of that.

    The strength and courage from others. I think that is important hearing others stories and being supportive.

    That may help him to talk with others like myself .  He is not alone.

    Only by meeting a support worker the pent up emotions and the hard realisation that I need to share. This was a relief.  After two years of gentle therapy and time.

    Lots of patience, tolerance and that was not easy .  Having to endure and be honest , open about what was happening to me.

    Can discuss this. Only now again some days get the issues and problems mentally.

    This forum helped because it gave me an opportunity to discus certain emotive traumatic themes . That no one can and wishes to talk about.

    Hope that helps you .

    To give you some reassurance, confidence. You should be proud of what you are.  A very special friend.

    Always here.  To be supportive, ready to listen.

    Anytime.

    @thespiceman






    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • CARL58CARL58 Member Posts: 178 Courageous
    @thespiceman I'm waiting for the gp to come after surgery,I had a telephone consultation with her earlier, CARL58 is all over place at the moment,been trying to ground him using grounding Technics,not working she's on about giving him a sedative later,it's the past that's triggered this,I may have pushed to far yesterday,the gp she was very supportive on the phone,that what I did was in his interest getting it all down on paper,I won't say on here what she said about pip,but she Will do a supporting letter free,I did ask about calling the MH crisis team,she said she would be quicker than them.its hurting me inside that I've caused this,I just want CARL58 to have what he needs not go backwards sorry I'm just very upset jen
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    Thinking of you both.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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