Me and My Mental Health

[Deleted User]

I really wanted to share my story about my past, mental health etc. but I find my anxiety bogs me down and stops me from doing it, plus I've seen people be snide to each other in one of the other sections of the site which has really put me off. I also worry that if I post my story that it might trigger or upset someone else and I don't want to do that, I'm a sensitive person with a lot of empathy for others, the last thing I'd want to do is upset someone. I obviously wouldn't go into my things fully..

See this is my anxiety talking.. it's so frustrating  

EmmaB

Hi @WF2k

I'm wondering why you are feeling the need to share your story so publicly and what you are hoping you might get out of doing that?

It sounds like you you want a space to talk about your past, your experiences and how they have/are impacting on you but I'm wondering if it might be safer and more constructive to do that within the safety of a counselling room, at least in the first instance anyway?

If you decide to go public I guess you could just test out sharing snippets of information at a time and also being clear about what you are wanting from sharing that information eg advice, sympathy, empathy, strategies others have found helpful, hope that things can improve/change, humorous responses, or whatever it is you are thinking?

There are some really great books out there about anxiety - if you are interested let me know and I'll post their titles.  There's definitely a lot you can do to reduce and manage anxiety but posting your story publicly might not be the best first step and might cause confusion or indeed an increase in your anxiety depending on who replies, and that's something you can't control...

I hope that's useful, it's great that you are wanting to tackle this and I hope you find a useful, helpful way of doing that.

Best wishes.

Emma

[Deleted User]

Hi @EmmaB thanks for your reply, I appreciate it, I have struggled with my mental health for years now, I think maybe I just want to find people who can relate? Also, I wouldn't be sharing what happened to me in full.

I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety, agoraphobia, probably social anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia. 

I've tried meds, counselling, was referred to Step 4, saw a psychiatrist who assessed me and advised me to stop taking meds as they never helped, he then referred me to CBT, it didn't help, I then referred myself for CBT and again that didn't help, I even tried relaxation classes. So as you can see, I've been pretty proactive in regards to my mental health, and I've been pretty proactive with my physical health as well, but it got to a point where my GP didn't know what to do for me anymore.

I can't really read books to be honest, I have headaches, fatigue, poor concentration and attention span, my Son reads my correspondence. Even reading posts on here is a bit of an effort most of the time and sometimes I misread things.

EmmaB

Hi @WF2k

It certainly sounds like you've tried quite a few options to try and improve things.  

Given your list of diagnoses I'm wondering if you have had a traumatic/difficult background/upbringing [no need to say any details...], because if that is the case then it could be you need a more specialist approach eg EMDR [eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing] or somatic therapy, where the body is central to the therapy.

Both might seem slightly off the wall but they have good results for people who have a difficult background which is then expressed through problems such as anxiety, social anxiety, agoraphobia, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, Psychogenic nonepileptic seizures etc.

There's plenty of information on EMDR if you google it and this is quite a useful summary that you or your son might be interested to read re somatic therapy:  https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-somatic-therapy-can-help-patients-suffering-from-psychological-trauma/

I think a lot of people who have multiple diagnoses are written off by our current system and it makes me sad because it may be that a specialist approach could help them.

You could talk to your GP about getting a specialist referral or if you get PIP you can look for a local specialist therapist and pay for them yourself, that's the sort of thing PIP is useful for.  If your GP doesn't know anything about this find another one!  Sounds like you had a good psychiatrist who unlike a lot of them was able to recognise that medication isn't the be all and end all for wellbeing.

I hope that helps, sorry long post for you to read... but it's possible that more can be done to help you if you can access the right help.

Best wishes.

Emma

[Deleted User]

Thank you @Elsey66 and @EmmaB

I've been back and fourth to my GP's for years for both mental and physical health problems. 

I was sexually, physically and mentally abused from a young age, the sexual thing just happened the once, I was about 5 and still remember the main part of what happened, the mental and physical stuff was done by my Grandad, ex partners etc. and my Mum was even a bit of a so and so towards me because I was a sickly child, she only stopped doing it when my Dad stopped going back and fourth to Ireland, also my physical and mental health became worse after the sudden loss of my Dad in 2008. I've looked into bereavement counselling but honestly, I cannot sit there with a stranger and talk about it, people make me very anxious and I feel very overwhelmed and irritated (sorry if that sounds harsh), I've tried speaking about it to people I know and it's not helped. 

The best treatment I actually had was the counselling, I ended up with a female counsellor after the male one went long term sick, the female was lovely, understanding, kind and caring but all that the counselling did was made my anxiety worse, same with the CBT. I cannot take meds now anyway due to swallowing and stomach problems. I also don't want the whole host of side effects that you get with medication and the feeling of sleepiness because I suffer from fatigue daily already. All my current GP wanted to do was plonk me back on meds and back into Step 4, she never read my medical history so she didn't have a clue what I had tried. She never suggested any other forms of therapy as you have done Emma.

Sorry for waffling.

I'll have a look at EMDR.

[Deleted User]

@Elsey66 I understand totally what you are saying! My Son's dad was abusive, I just seem to attract nasty people, both on and on the internet I've given up on relationships.

Thank you x same applies to you if you ever need to talk

thespiceman

Hello @WF2k  Please can I first apologise if you had any problems and issues with members on this forum.

I am one of the community champions. As well try to help many people as we can.  We do look at posts and make sure they are adhering to the community guide lines.

If you feel you have had any problems and issues with any one. Please let Scope Team know.

You can contact them on community@scope.org.uk.

Please may I thank you for your post. Sharing what you have been going through.

My own personal history with mental health . Had trauma and certain mental and physical abuse from family members.

The difficulty is finding what you need to deal with any issues.

You can have all the therapy and counselling you want and need. Is that going to help.?  I used to answer my self.  So many times had this situation.

Why do I need to go through this again?. With every therapist and counsellor.  I had CBT had so many times feel a failure.

Got emotive got angry, got frustrated with every time. Ended up hurting, harming myself with addiction.

With the connection to anxiety. The reaching out the sudden need to say what was happening but instead reaching for a drink or other stuff.

Since being aware of my own health needs and why I am like this. Sudden realisation this is not your fault never ever your fault.

One time after time doors closing. Fears, insecurities.   From those who could help.  Including Doctors and mental health teams. Usually council ones and some charities.

You have the choice do I stay as I am suffering or find some answers.

Had already done the right thing gone into rehab. Been clean twelve years.

After much persuasion from a friend .  Contacted this charity.

https://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk.

By accessing their support . Got a support worker with her time, patience and tolerance helped to talk about what was happening to me.

Know one knew . Hide it.  Only by gentle and time spent with me helped me to come to terms with anything.

If that helps you. Please give it a try. I am always know that by accessing sometimes support and guidance how to deal. With anything especially trauma or abuse.

Lots of members have added a lot of aspects of mental health  to look at.

I always say this to you can move on.  Slowly and small steps.  I thought never ever be able to move on. Since been over thirty years ago ongoing much of the abuse.

Yet here I am . Be able to do so. Realising they cannot hurt me any more.

This is I know can be not easy and every day is different.

What is important is you not me. 

I know every one is different. Every one has a right to good mental health.  Finding that is a challenge.

What is also I do think is important. What you need.  For you to move on.

I will say I am always here anytime if I can help with anything.  Be supportive offer any answers or solutions.

Your not alone.

Pleasure to meet you.

@thespiceman

[Deleted User]

Thanks @thespiceman and thank you for sharing your own experiences

I don't think my recent PIP review has helped matters, I'm constantly worrying because I simply don't have evidence that states how my mental and physical health affect me on a daily basis, I have no evidence in regards to my mental health because I don't receive treatment anymore as I said in one of my posts, I tried whatever was suggested and in regards to my physical health I was diagnosed and not referred because treatment has limited or no effect on it, there is no cure sadly.

There is so much conflicting info out there, some say you don't need evidence, some say you must get evidence but don't suggest how you should do that if you don't receive treatment for your health problems or take meds either because they didn't help or because you have other problems that stop you from taking them.

I was awarded PIP with just a short letter from my GP the first time around in 2014, the assessor acknowledged that my mental health would be a slow and long process and said to check on me in five years to make sure I was getting the correct care, I've just had my second assessment and I'm really not sure how that went. Very anxious about it.

Welfare rights even told my Son that you only really need evidence for MR's and tribunals.. I don't know what is correct... 

Honestly, if I had the money to look after myself I wouldn't rely on ESA or PIP, it's too much stress.

EmmaB

Dear @WF2k

Given what you have said about your background I would seriously look into EMDR, your GP can refer you for this, the wait will be long so the sooner you get onto the waiting list the better.  

Somatic therapy is also worth a look, I'm not sure if GPs can refer for this but worth asking, it's not necessary to recall what has happened to you with somatic therapy it's more a question of tuning into where the trauma has been 'stored' in your body - 'The Body Keeps The Score' also the name of a very good book on trauma...

If you do get PIP you can try looking for a local private therapist, I can point you in the right direction if you message me if you get to that point.  

Fingers crossed for the PIP, if you need to take it to tribunal then a supportive letter from your GP will be worth a lot. Plus any evidence ie letters from your psychiatrist even if it was a while ago.  Some assessors are not very familiar with the [long lasting] effects of trauma but tribunal members should be more familiar with it.

Good luck and message me again if I can help.

Best wishes.

Emma

[Deleted User]

Thank you @EmmaB

thespiceman

Hello @WF2k  Thank you for reply. Sorry to hear this. One of the problems is misinformation and getting the evidence.

You need to apply for the PIP.  All I do know is there a lot of good information on our website on PIP.

CAB has a good website.

Informative.  I would advise have a look at our website. 

Make notes. This is what I do with anything benefits.  Find websites go on them make some notes for your own records.

Write it down or print it off.  Keep it for future reference.

I have done that before now.  Keep everything DWP.  Many of the forms comes with booklets what you need to add in.

Have and create a folder of organisations, welfare support tailored to your own health conditions.

Look on line.  Many organisations also come with either support networks and helplines but also welfare support.

Often on line to talk to.

Keep prescriptions .  You can order on line any meds. From Patient websites or other ones. Your surgery can advise on this.

Delivered to your home copy of prescriptions comes with delivery just in case. 

Then you can download your medical records. You can do this.

Speak to Wellbeing community units often in Council offices some offer a lot of additional health and wellbeing courses.

Simple aspects of care.  Many are free.

Some aimed at  dealing with every day situations.  Did one few years ago on How to Communicate and dealing with People.

It was for those who have anxiety and other mental health needs.  Coping and talking in stressful, difficult situations.

Doctors and other medical professionals. How to get help and support the best from them.

If not wishing to use an Advocate write it down what you wished to say in bullets then give them the sheet of paper. Please can you read this thank you. Does help.

Very good information to use.

Please if I can help with anything.  Further.

Only too happy to do so.

I know this not easy to deal with. We as a community are here.

I am glad you have met @EmmaB.  Given you a lot to think about and reconsider.

Hope that helps as well.

Take care.

@thespiceman

[Deleted User]

Thanks My Son's just called and asked for a copy of my report, the woman said it was weird, Capita hadn't sent them it yet (the assessment was three weeks tomorrow) and said she would request it and then send us a copy when they have it.

Adrian_Scope

Hi @WF2k and thank you for sharing what you have, I'm glad despite your reservations that you were able to open up a little.

You might be interested to know we now have a new Mental Health Advisor called @MickConnon here on the community, you can ask him questions or seek advice over on his sub forum here. 

When you get a copy of your PIP assessment report, it should give a good idea of whether you'll be awarded and at what rate (although it is just the recommendations of your assessor). If you're unsure of anything on there or want more advice when it comes, please let us know. 

[Deleted User]

I've edited this as I didn't want to sit here ranting.

thespiceman

Hello @WF2k You not. If you need to talk about your mental health issues or anything else.

Please use this space.

Always something I have done since joining.

I know having no one in person to talk to and keep things going around.

Use this marvellous forum to help me.

I know to give your reassurance .  Everything is hard and difficult to deal with but by talking helps enormously.

Something I know myself.

Another thing please can I add. Got told this by a floating support worker. When my self bottled up things. Not talking.

Like an ear worm in your mind. Effects and makes anxiety worse.   Then starts going to your stomach and chest becomes physical and pain.

Cannot eat and continue to have problems.

Just a friend being honest and open.

Hope that helps you.

Take care your an important member of the community .

@thespiceman

[Deleted User]

Thank you @thespiceman my anxiety is being a pain due certain people on the forums, the ignore button doesn't work too well either. It's the way they word things and speak to people and the emphasis they put on evidence but they have no advice on how you get that evidence if you no longer receive treatment or have never been referred. It makes me very anxious and it's why I don't post questions asking about PIP or ESA. I already struggle with people on a day to day basis, the only person I have proper contact with on a daily basis is my Son and my Mum twice a week. I'd rather be surrounded by animals than humans, my Mum and Son are fine, they are my family, but anyone else.. no thanks.

thespiceman

Hello @WF2K Thank you for reply.  This one of the issues and problems with forums.

Every one gives a view an opinion. 

My advice is first to look at anything you can use. In any posts given to you.

Remember your in control..  Adapt and revises any information or advice. Is that helpful or not.

Make some notes.  Keep them for reference. For own particular circumstances.

I know the forum is bombarded with PIP and ESA.   Create a folder own use. What do I need to take from every one.

Is that helpful and it is relevant.

I know sometimes the views and opinions can be curt and sometimes to the point.  Also a lot of confusion and complexities .

I myself have this constantly .  Get muddled.

One of the main reason I suggested the mental health charity.  In a previous post to you Have support workers who can deal with a lot of the benefit situations. Often have guidance and advice that you can understand and be clear about.

Your need evidence.  Please may I suggest speak to your surgery. About accessing you records on line.

Called Patients Access.  This is a website that you set up with the surgery you have.  Create a webpage for you.

This means you can request Doctors appointments. Make them on line or ask for medication.  This is then delivered to your home.

By chemist local to you nominated.

You can also access your medical records. Down load them.

The website Patient Access there are other ones. Ask your surgery.

Please if I can help with anything. Ask me be a pleasure to help and be supportive.

I am of the old school long time ago.  Found that I had a lot of problems with people getting no where.  Doors closing. Those in the know the authority.

Usually from Mental health services. Council ones and get walked over a lot. Had to find solutions, ways to do things.

Adapted and often now spend my time helping and assisting members of the community. Who are similar to my self.

I just wanted to explain. It is frustrating, annoying I know this benefits system.

Always here to be a friend.

Take care.

@thespiceman

[Deleted User]

Thank you, yeah I do have an online account for the medical centre but... no access to my medical records! I have to ask for summaries which only give diagnoses.

My problem is that I haven't had treatment for my mental health in years because it didn't work and the GP's refuse to refer me for fibromyalgia because of nhs backlogs and the fact treatment has little or no effect(?) on FM. 

I didn't realise they could advise you with benefits as well. I'll have to have another look, thank you.

thespiceman

Hello @WF2k Good morning  thank you for reply.

Might be worth having to look at another website for your records. If that is all you get.

Know that your not alone with this problem.  I have myself no treatment for a long time.

My problem is that have used up all the resources in the area I reside in. Many charities will not have you back .

If you have been twice like myself.  In one of them.  So this the reason I suggested make use of any information or advice.

Make notes keep this for reference.  Use anything you come across for anything on the net or Doctors. For your own information.

My knowledge and expertise is the my key to understanding how I am.

Built up a library of books, pamphlets and other aspects of my health.

Which I can use to cope with anything or any issues I have.

So I am very supportive and know the only way.   Sometimes we need to evaluate what is being said.

Having had several times met in my own experience. Certain support workers who were ladies. Not bossy not demanding but had a way.

Being a gentleman sometimes through gritted teeth have to listen and learn.  Take from them little bits of nuggets to aim my health.

At first did not like each other then my attitude and demeanour changed I use my humour and well my charisma to suddenly realise there the same as me.

Best friends if you can have such a relationship. There is the wall the invisible barrier you know.

I have also met those who are bossy, arrogant, straight talking.  Patronising and condescending to the extreme.

Especially addiction and rehab centres. When you have had that.  You have to sit up and take notice because you decided to have a drink.

You say to yourself well I am a gent a man . We do not have drink problems but we do. Also you suddenly realise if not to co operate or make the situation awkward.

Out you go onto the street.  Learnt that one .  They simply do not have the time and money.

I always  remember this saying.  Men may rule the world but is you ladies who pull the strings. lol.

We as a community hate being told what to do any one does.  Including my humble self.

Say now to the support I may  have all ladies usually strap up your stilettoes you can give me a kick up the bum or in the lemons lol.

Hope that helps you understand my concern and care.

Just do not want you to miss out and get the much deserved support, help and guidance with your health issues.

Seen this too many times. Yet some one else has the support, help and guidance. Who got that instead of you.

Learnt that one as well. Still hurting even now. After all these years.

One thing that does happen.

Your have to think if I say no . Might not get any where.  We all of us want to have good mental health and some opportunities to help yourself to recognise the issues and problems you have. To deal with them. In a sensible, practical way.

Please here ends the lesson. lol.

Pleasure to talk to you.

Take care.

@thespiceman

[Deleted User]

Thanks for trying to help me @thespiceman it's really appreciated I've said many times that my pain is easier to handle than my mental health, I've had mental health problems for years and still don't full understand it, I had to google "butterflies" the other day to see if it was linked to anxiety and it is, so now I understand why I constantly have a butterfly feeling in my stomach.

Women ugh, we are weird creatures lol. I don't get on with many women. I cut ties with my best friend who I'd known since I was 8 (I'm 45 now) because she had turned into someone I didn't like, I don't know if it's her drug taking and alcohol drinking that has turned her into an abusive b word but it's something that annoys me to no end due to the abuse that I endured, I don't know why her partner stays with her.. She was also no support when my Dad passed away which affected me quite badly and is partly the reason my health is worse, I had supported her in many things and she couldn't be there for me this one time.. so I no longer speak to her. I don't need someone like that in my life.

thespiceman

Hello @WF2k Please can I thank you for reply.

Understand everything you saying.

I think what is important find what makes you the person you are.

I know myself . You be fine.  Sometimes we need to say to friends . Be honest and open.  If they can not understand you are being difficult. Then you need to look and think do I need this. 

Remember you have done nothing wrong here. You need to ask some one a friend to be supportive. Not right. I know it is upsetting and emotional.

I had a former friend for five years. Found out used, abused and did not like me. We went every where together.

When I found out hurts like hell but since moved on. He is gone.

Last year did the big clear out of what I call fair-weather friends. Imposing on my time. blaming me for there own issues and much more. Two hour phone calls.

The main aspect of life is to find what makes you happy. Why not look at some goals, aims little things you wish to do. On a piece of paper I do this .

Advantages, Disadvantages .  If we throw stones in the path. Do we go around or over or do we stay still.?

You like animals consider some volunteering around that.  You the boss remember . Never know who you meet.

Have a look, in your area,  might be something to consider.

I have myself know since coming off addiction the toxins plaguing my mind.  Now clean but with pain and mental health.

Know that I am not alone. So please if I can be a listening ear. Happy to do so.

Forget sometimes and have confusion. So please if you do contact me. Give me some time.

The best friend is you I know that sounds selfish but with myself. Got told that by support workers. Who because of my Christian background putting others first not me.

As the cup over flows that is my motto I can help be a friend to those who need it.

This is what I do.

As long I am here and have the time .

One point do some reading, some research on what you makes you. Anxiety is a condition illness but may I add. Can effect physical as well.

I have a physical disability as well spent too long focusing on that suddenly the connection between mental and physical health.

Nothing wrong looking at the web. Dr Google whatever helps you.

I am always doing this. Looking at the Chinese and Indian subcontinent Cultures.

This is now a lot of interest to those with many illnesses and conditions.

Have to share this. Had an anxiety problem the chest pain and the associated symptoms.  Went to the Doctor who was a locum.

Bengali or Sikh I think he was talked about alternative therapies.  My interest in herbs and spices to calm the anxiety stomach.

Anxiety stomach, bloated, flatulence. Which is often bought on by rushed meals a sign of anxiety. Need to eat quickly.

Another reason alcoholic the sudden need to be calm reach for a drink.  The other one sorry about this caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant but in small doses. Understand can effect stomach and bowels with symptoms of bloated, flatulence and again.

If drinking or consuming amounts of coffee, chocolate or cola or tea.

Well that is what they do.  Found out use herbal medicine.  Asked have you used certain Spices or Herbs.

Cinnamon and Fennel Seeds are used in Herbal Medicine usually sprinkled on Yoghurt with Fruit.  I mentioned I do this.

He mentioned could easily give a pill meds but is that the answer.

Just glad to ask for advice. Happy to share with this locum.

The reason I do this the research because there are so many different ways to cope with anything. Pain is a struggle, the need for pain killers or meds to cope. Is sometimes the calming effects of meditation or just having .

Methods and strategies in your mind to deal with anything. Something a lot of mental health charities often have . Yoga or Self Hypnosis . Courses with any one else. A small group.  Who are like yourself. 

Discuss health, wellbeing and alternatives.

I do not have all the answers. What works for you.

I know have picked up lots of little nuggets to aid my own wellbeing.

Why I often come on here to advise be a friend.

Take care.

Please keep in touch.

@thespiceman