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Saw the consultant yesterday, it was my last hope!
Zec Richardson
Member Posts: 156 Pioneering
I am struggling today and I am posting here because I can post without anyone I know seeing.
In 2010 I had a knee replacement, I was already a wheelchair user as my knees are so bad and years of using crutches has knackered my shoulders, wrists and hands.
It was soon apparent that the surgery left me worse off and I requested that they amputate my left leg above the knee.
They refused again and again and again.
I am now housebound, any movement of that leg causes the pain to soar and I know I will still have pain if they did amputate but I would at least be free to move without added pain.
I begged them, I threatened them, I saw a psychiatrist when they asked me to and a few years ago I gave up and tried to live with it.
But I can't, I think about suicide regularly because it makes my life so miserable and so I saw them again and still they say "no, we swore an oath to cause no harm" which is rubbish as inaction mis causing harm.
I threatened that I would use a combat tourniquet (plan
to comprimise the limb, I am sure they think I am bluffing but now my Plan B is the only option left. It scares me but so does having to go on like this and I can't believe that they are refusing and forcing me to live in pain!
In 2010 I had a knee replacement, I was already a wheelchair user as my knees are so bad and years of using crutches has knackered my shoulders, wrists and hands.
It was soon apparent that the surgery left me worse off and I requested that they amputate my left leg above the knee.
They refused again and again and again.
I am now housebound, any movement of that leg causes the pain to soar and I know I will still have pain if they did amputate but I would at least be free to move without added pain.
I begged them, I threatened them, I saw a psychiatrist when they asked me to and a few years ago I gave up and tried to live with it.
But I can't, I think about suicide regularly because it makes my life so miserable and so I saw them again and still they say "no, we swore an oath to cause no harm" which is rubbish as inaction mis causing harm.
I threatened that I would use a combat tourniquet (plan
to comprimise the limb, I am sure they think I am bluffing but now my Plan B is the only option left. It scares me but so does having to go on like this and I can't believe that they are refusing and forcing me to live in pain!
Replies
I am very sorry to hear about your ongoing disabilities and pain. I am not a legal expert, but have you considered trying to find a different specialist to present your 'case' to? I do know that medical professionals do have to swear on oath that they will not do more harm, but if you can establish that further surgery would or could relieve you of additional problems you may then be in the position to 'demand' what is your right.
If you continue to feel like this I really would urge you to seek medical help regarding your mental health and if you ever feel like this then please do be in touch with the Samaritans who are available 24/7.
Please do continue sharing your thoughts and I hope we can continue to support you through this.
It is harder to discuss my thoughts about comprimising the leg, I have told the consultants and they just raise a hand and say they can't discuss it and it obviously is hard for my wife to imagine what I am thinking of doing!
I need this surgery, but I can't make the consultants understand.
Have you told anyone you feel suicidal Zec ? Good luck for the future my friend .
I have been seen by the pain clinic and I have learnt a lot from it but it ended when the consultant switched me from Buprenorphine patches to Fentanyl. I ended up in A&E as he had switched me to the same dose and Fentanyl is a lot stronger and I was struggling to breathe!
I have spoken to my wife about the suicidal thoughts and I am very open about it. I have promised her that I won't take my own life and said that I would rather spend a lifetime in pain with her than end my life!
I have read about many cases where people have gotten the requested amputation and it really is a case of getting lucky and finding a consultant he will agree and then it has to be carried out privately.
I have seen about 5 consultants so far about it over 8 years, 4 at Southend Hospital and 1 at Colchester.
I have been told to get a referal to Stanmore to the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital, but its not an option. An incident 30ish years ago hit me hard and I have PTSD and severe anxiety about travelling, even going from Southend to Colchester was a journey through the back roads, motorways are hell for me. But I am better than ever with the PTSD, CBD has helped me more than any therapy or medication!