Getting out and about

beccyh

Hi I’m Beccy and new to this and I was wondering how other disabled people find getting out there and trying to meet new people, does anyone else get scared or anxious?

beccyh

Hi all, I’m new. How do other disabled people get on going out and about? Do others get scared and anxious?

Seanchai

Never been out for a long time now beccy ....no further than the garden unless it's for doctors appointments , hospital appointments , dentist appointment . I had to give up driving a few years ago and since then I have more or less been housebound . Anxiety , stressed going out anywhere,  severe tinnitus and can only hear very slightly in one ear , menieres disease which can hit me at any time and makes me so dizzy at times that I am actually sick , it's like the whole world is spinning around ( as though I,m drunk ...but I don,t drink at all ) I have COPD and a few other odds and ends that make it hard to go anywhere ,,,,I avoid social occasions like the plague , I went to my sons wedding a few years back ...but I spent half the day and night apologising to people who wanted a chat.  People are very understanding but I get very embarrassed not hearing anything .
I,m an oldie now so it does not bother me to much not having a social life ....well ...it does bother me but the effects of a night out can end up in my depression hitting me due to anxiety before I even go out the door . 😥

beccyh

You seem to have a lot going on, I’m so sorry to hear how you are, what do you do senchai to keep yourself busy these days? I’m looking for things or places to occupy my time, I’m also recently bereaved. So that’s hard in it’s self.

humble_rumble

Hi @beccyh ,
Welcome to the community I also joined very recently
 
In terms of going out I find it relaxing being around other people, it is more fun too right?
Some days, you don't feel like doing much like today morning it was a chore trying to get to work but I find that once I'm at work and doing what I like I feel happier even for the rest of the day. 

People are generally a bit apprehensive talking to me at the beginning, I grew to expect this however I tend to smile a lot and that works wonders when meeting new people! 

How is your experience going out and about?

beccyh

I’m finding it quite difficult as I’m recently bereaved and I’m finding doing new things difficult. 

Seanchai

I am so sorry to hear you have suffered a bereavement recently Beccy ....I can,t think of anything worse . I hope you have family supporting you at this sad time . 
I am at my best in the garden ....and that's coming from a guy who was probably the biggest socialite you could ever meet . I played guitar and sang in pubs etc ..I enjoyed the craic with the boys at the weekends ...now, with my hearing problems , I cannot hear anyone unless it in a room with no background noise ...even when the family visit I get very anxious as the family all chat to each other , I cannot make anything out if two people are talking at the same time . 
I hope you pluck up courage to go out Beccy , I can only imagine how hard it is for you . 
I was into music and my guitar , and penny whistle bohdran etc ...but I have not picked up my old guitar in the last ...well...many years , I think I will have to put it in the attic as everytime is see it sitting in the corner of the room it reminds me of exactly what,i,m missing ...i have had that guitar since i was 15 years old 🤔😥
I really hope you overcome your anxiousness and you manage to get out and about ....a bit at a time Beccy ....small steps at first with the support of family and friends ....good luck 👍

beccyh

Thankyou for all your kind words and support, I shall do my best to get out more and I hope all goes well with you. Good luck aswell 👍🏾

April2018mom

Hello

Sorry for your loss.
There are lots of activities for disabled people of all ages these days. Have you looked online? Some care companies run social activity sessions for disabled folk.
Start by finding out what’s on in your area. Your local council may also be able to help you. What are your interests and hobbies? I enjoy bowling so I recently signed up for a bowling club for disabled people. Or you can research art lessons for disabled people.
What about gaming? If none currently exists you could start a special needs gaming club? It is worth a shot. Or you could start a disabled people’s fishing club. There are lots of choices. You could even try out singing, acting or dancing lessons for disabled folks. Surrey Choices have a lot of activities aimed at disabled people.
Even your local leisure centre may offer some activities like badminton or tennis sessions for people with impairments. Make small talk. At parties smile and have fun. Do you play a music instrument or not? That is another avenue worth investigating.
Also have you looked at the possibility of working? Do you have a resume or not? Even volunteer jobs count as experience. Do some research and see what opportunities exist. Does not matter if it is only part time either it is better than nothing.
Your local paper should advertise jobs- check out the job section. Or search for jobs online. What are you good at? Make a list of five strengths and then take it from there. Look at the career advice sites for ideas and guidance. 

beccyh

Thanks for your suggestions, I didn’t know there was that much choice out there for disabled people, you’ve certainly given me somewhere to start looking. 👍🏾 

April2018mom

beccyh said:

Thanks for your suggestions, I didn’t know there was that much choice out there for disabled people, you’ve certainly given me somewhere to start looking. 👍🏾 

No problem happy to help!

AnkyieSpon

Hi @beccy welcome to the community. My disabilities don't cause my anxieties but I have had serious anxiety issues which stopped me going out. I found that being diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis and having to exercise I could not expect my friends to do all these activities with me. I always preferred swimming at stuff in company but I did it and made fantastic new friends. As for socialising my chronic fatigue stops me but a close friend who understands your fears is the best support.

I also recommend CDT therapy which has helped me alot and antidepressants 😂 but it's helped. Good luck and let us know how you get on. 

Ails

Hi @beccy and welcome to the Community.  So sorry to hear of your loss.  You have been given great advice above and I don't really have much to add to that other than my own experience that I did contact my council when we first moved to our present area and a Social Connector came out to visit me and gave me a list of local clubs/societies.  If there isn't one in your area, as @April2018mom suggested, looking online is your best option.  It can be hard getting into clubs and meeting new friends at first, but once you do it you will benefit greatly from it.  Find out what interests you.  I enjoy knitting and so am a member of a local knitting group which I really enjoy.  I have also recently joined a Tai Chi class so loving it also.  With me it is more pain than anything that keeps me in at times.  I hope you find what you are looking for anyway.  Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on and if there any anything else we can help you with then please don't hesitate to let us know.  All the best. 

dolfrog

Hi @beccyh  
Sorry to hear about your loss
I have an auditory processing disorder, a listening disability or the brain having problems processing what the ears hear. 
I have been almost house bond in recent years, at home with my immediate family, but the problem has been the disability discrimination from others over the years from those who do not want to understand and accommodate my communication disability. (Including disability discrimination in the work place over a number of years)
I have problems following long conversations, processing the speech of people new to me, and word recall problems when making any comments myself. 

pollyanna1052

I dont get out as much as I would like. Most weeks it`s once a week. Sometimes it` twice a week. Medical appointments do count as I get beyond the garden gate and someone else to talk to!

beccyh

I’m like you, appointments or the shops then I don’t really go out, I find it hard to meet people. A bit scared of how they will react to me, can be rather isolated.

April2018mom

I have taken my son to basketball games and the theaters before. I also enjoy going down the pub or to the cinema as a family. 

beccyh

I’m thinking of taking my first train journey alone, but I’m worried about getting on land the train, but the gap worries me ,anyone got any advice?

April2018mom

Tell the train station. Ask for assistance. 

beccyh

Do they get annoyed having to come and help? I don’t like making a fuss.

April2018mom

It depends. You can try. Be careful not to fall. If no one is willing to assist consider bringing a companion who is willing to help you. 

beccyh

Thanks for you’re advice, I’ll ask them and see how I get on. Have you got any upcoming plans?

April2018mom

Not yet. We are hoping to take a train down to Portsmouth next week for shopping. 

beccyh

That should be nice, have a lovely time. 

pollyanna1052

Hi again. Railway assistance is a great service. You need to book them as they have to keep to timetables and dont take kindly to giving help if it hasnt been booked. I`ve always found them to be really kind.

beccyh

Aww, thanks for that, that’s good to know, I will try them. how far in advance do they require booking?

pollyanna1052

at least 24 hours x

beccyh

Thanks 😄

Chloe_Scope

Hi @beccyh, it's great that you're wanting to do this! Like what has been said above, you need to ring up at least 24 hours in advance and explain your needs.

I have found the service really helpful in the past!

I hope it all goes to plan and please do let us know how you get on

beccyh

Thankyou for your helpful advice, I’m very anxious about doing it alone, but I’ll definitely let you know how I get on 😄 any places you wouldn’t recommend going?

Chloe_Scope

No problem at all, I understand how hard it can be!

Maybe not a big city centre? I look forward to hearing about your adventure!

pollyanna1052

I`ve been spoilt this week! On Tuesday I had a re-union lunch with 3 people I worked with 20 years ago! And yesterday met a friend who I hadnt seen for 4 years! 

Chloe_Scope

Aw that sounds lovely @pollyanna1052!! Did you enjoy it?

April2018mom

Today I went to see a movie at the cinema with a friend I had not seen for five years. It was lovely, we had a lovely catchup afterwards over muffins and cups of water. 

pollyanna1052

Yes thankyou Chloe, both events were lovely.

Chloe_Scope

That's amazing! So glad you enjoyed them

beccyh

Thankyou so much for you’re advice regarding disabled travel assistance, I made my first train journey to west Kirby, actually had to get two trains and the assistance was very helpful at getting me around and on and off the trains. I had a wonderful time and can’t wait to go again 😆

Chloe_Scope

Hi @beccyh, that's amazing news!! I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself and that the assistance were really helpful! You'll have to let us know about your next adventure!!!

LubieLoo17

@beccyh I use an App and website called AccessAble, it really is very useful for giving you Access Information if you are wanting to visit somewhere new!

They've got 10000s of Venues listed and by using the Detailed Access Guides on the App and Website, people can find out whether accessible parking bays are available, how you would need to walk to get to an entrance, if a hearing loop is available at reception, at side the transfer space is in an accessible toilet, whether there are tactile lift buttons, if staff have received disability training, if somewhere plays background music, if flashing fire alarms are available and if there are places to sit and rest.

And the App, available from Google Play and the Apple App Store 

Might be worth a try as it's helped me with my anxiety when going to new places!
 

Harp

Hi

As 1 with visually impaired and Learning difficulties with confidence and anxiety issues, can be hurdle for me in many ways. I find it hard to find way in new places with my sight issues but I also find it hard to ask people  with my learning difficulties. I do feel ackwsrd sitting in a cafe by myself. Also the lack of awareness of others about the white came I use is frustrating.