cant cope

RainbowJo

6 weeks ago i collapsed. migraine they say. they always say that when it comes to my head now. i hurt my back it left me walking with a zimmer frame. i came home as planed after 5 weeks. they said i could walk round my home safely. they were asking me (a registered blind person) to walk through doors sideway cos the frame will not go forward. after 4 hours at home i fell trying to get through a door sideways. back in hospital for brain scan (as im on blood thinners for my blood clotting disorder) lower spine and pelvis. all clear. i was medically fit. so after 2 days on a noise acute ward i could not cope. i discharged myself. i was only there cos now im to live in one room. my bed will be bought into the lounge. my comode too. they said it was not safe to sleep on a sofa. id rather that than keep a bed in hospital. 

ive been home 2 days. all i do is sit on the sofa and move to and from the comode may be 6 foot each way. 

im exhausted. im drained. im shattered. dispite pain meds im in pain cos i dont remember to take them till im hurting too much so not keeping on top of them. 

iv tried sleeping. but just ended up in tears. i cant cope. i cant go back im not ill. plus i cant put my sister through that again it was a tough week. she even said if i fall again im staying in hospital even if she has to get me sectioned. 

i really dont know what to do. its so much harder to walk on carpet with a zimmer frame than hospital floors. iv even thought they would be better off without me. 

my memory is shot to peices so is my body and my mental health. social service wont help cos they wont go against my social worker who says all i need is 2 visits a day. right now that isnt the issue. i am. a year ago i was out and about on crutches now just doing 6 foot on a zimmer frame is killing me. 

in the last hospital i could not cope with all the noise and bussle on an acute ward without my internet. but at home im too tired this this about all iv done online. in hospital i could not play my games. at home iv played them once. i feel stupid. weak. and useless. thanks for reading. 

RainbowJo

i have no idea. 

im forgetting my meds so i feel awful. iv been on a lot of tramodol and morphin may be my body is reacting to not having as much i dont know. i just feel awful physicaly and mental. totaly drained. i feel like i should have stayed but i know i couldnt cope there either. we think im austic but havent sorted getting me tested. i need a memory and cognative skills test too but nothing sorted. im sure my social worker has everyone convinced im on the make or something. it bugs me that people who can not even pronounce my condition and know so little about it act like they know it all. yet like me they had never heard of it before. yes i have many conditions but they all focuse on one. my bpd. everything is cos of that and not the phsycal condition i have. 

Misscleo

Oh love your in a bad way.
The Samaritans are trained to help people in cases such as yours. Give them a call on 666 66 44 and dont ever think someones going to be better off without you.
Please let us know how you get on 

RainbowJo

i spoke to the crisis team who picked i was not breathing right and in so much pain so told me to call 111 and they sent me via ambulance to hospital. my inr is low so being checked for blood clots. but think iv had a bug. the paramedics r again raising safeguarding issues about me in my home as i cant get out without help and access for me and for them is not sutable. so im in hospital again for now. my sister has again asked for the mental health team at the hospital to be involved. thank u for ur kindness. at the moment i feel no better in any way but at least i guess im safe. 

Cazcc

Hi RainbowJo, keep going as you have people reading and hearing your thoughts and expression of pain.  There are many lows in medical unwellness but the professionals know how to treat you.  Keep reaching out for help.  You deserve to be helped and return to wellness.  Thinking of you.   

thespiceman

Hello @RainbowJo   Sorry to hear what is happening to you. I do understand what you are going through.

I do think you have been let down by the very team to help and support you.

I also do think it is something that needs to be addressed.

You could ask for a review of your needs and what you require. I know you may not too strong to deal with anything like this.

I would look at RETHINK  a mental health charity who appoint an advocate to reconsider look at everything including a voice for you to speak.

Have a look at the website there's if you can or ask some one to help you your sister might be useful.

I hope you can get the much deserved help and support to guide you through any thing.

I am just get upset and annoyed for you as you should have a team in place for you to cope with anything like this.

That is there job and role if they do not live up to expectations or your care package is not being useful.

Then you need to find some one to talk to about this. I know your not too good and I know myself dealing with people who are jobsworth.

I had the misfortune in a one particular instance come out of rehab no care or after care no support lack of and needed all of that is was a conveyor belt system.

Got offered limited support.  

Could have relapsed but got a review of everything through the mental health charity insisted through RETHINK.

I hope that the situation with yourself some one needs to be taking care of business as they say should be doing there job.

All about budgets and numbers not the care and concern.  That it should be.

Wish you well your a valued member of our community.

Always in prayers and thoughts.

Take care.

@thespiceman

Adrian_Scope

Hello @RainbowJo. I'm sorry to hear you're back in hospital as I know you were keen not to be, but it does sound like it may be the safest place for you at the moment. Have you let the hospital staff know that you've been forgetting to take your medication? Has your sister managed to come in to see you? 

RainbowJo

hi all thank u for ur messages and support. 

im still in hospital. the mental health leason team r supporting me here. they r raising safeguarding issues again about my flat. and check on the 3 ones already raised by the 3 different paramedic crews that put one in each too. im getting a refural to the social work team here. as my social worker is off sick and no one in her office seems willing to go against her on paper even if they agree with u over the phone. 

as for my health. a&e thought i might of had a bug wich had run me down. then 2 nights running i was given 400mg fast release phsyc meds rather than slow. so made me feel really bad. still feel a bit off but im ok from that now. 

on monday a urin sample was sent of iv been asking and asking for them to check the results. yesterday finally they checked and i do have an infection. tipical. 

my inr is low. because i have a blood clotting disorder i have what the call a therapeutic range. but im below that range. so on injections twice a day and a tablet to try to get it up in range again. 

im hoping they will find me somewhere to go so i dont have to go back to living in one room. but if i do the crisis team will be requested to support me. as the leason team agree it would be detrimental to my mental health and put me at risk of harm if i were to go back. 

thespiceman

Hello @RainbowJo   Thanks for sharing with the community.

Sorry to hear what you have been through.

Always here to be supportive. Need to know anything please ask me or some one from SCOPE or a member of our community.

Please can I just add wish you well.

Take care.

@thespiceman

Adrian_Scope

Hi @RainbowJo. Sorry to hear you're still in hospital but it does sound as though they're giving you a little more support now which is good.

How are you keeping yourself busy and have you been able to get a little more sleep?

RainbowJo

well dispite 4 different professionals raising safe guarding issues they r still talking and acting like im going home. 

even though iv said if i go home i will come to harm as i cant cope in that inviroment. 

social worker team from the hospital have been no where near. they talked about a new assessment but r saying it can be done at home. 

im sick of this rubish. 

Ails

Hi @RainbowJo, I'm so sorry to hear that you are in hospital again and that you have been going through such a tough time lately.  I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you, as is everyone on the Community.  We are here for you anytime you feel like a chat or just want to let off steam.  It is terrible that a proper care plan wasn't put in place for you the first time, but I hope that the hospital and other support mechanisms will be more attentive of your needs now.  Is your GP involved in all of this?  They surely can't let you go home without a proper plan in place.  I know it's easy for me to say, but please just try to relax and concentrate on getting better.  Have you got anything with you to pass the time and take your mind off things such as magazines or a book?   Please let us know how you are getting on and if we can be of any other support to you.  Wishing you well.  xx 

RainbowJo

well 5 safeguarding reports ignored. no advocate assigned. leason passed me to crisis team who i think passed me back. dont have a clue. 

im being sent home wednesday i beleive. i cant get out of the flat alone so cant get out in a fire (there answer. tell the fire bregade) issue solved. not sure how but hay what do i know. 

asking a registered blind person to move about a cluttered confind space is perfectly ok. 

so yep thats it. i cant even do the housing aplication as its online and limited to 15 minute a page or u have to start over. 

stoty of my life lol. my inr still isnt right so the district nurse is going to have to do my injections twice daily. not sure how as it has to be 12 hours appart. what joy. 

thanks for ur consern and support. 

Chloe_Scope

Hi @RainbowJo and thank you for taking the time to update us. I'm so sorry to hear that you have continually been ignored. That must be so frustrating. Are they still planning on sending you home today?

Adrian_Scope

Hi @RainbowJo. Do you have an advocate at all, or someone who can speak to them on your behalf? It does sound like they're not listening to you and this might be something that could help.
If they're still intent on sending you home on Wednesday, is there anybody who could be there to help and support you?

If you need helping filling in your application form, have you thought about contacting CAB to give you a hand?

thespiceman

Hello @RainbowJo Got number details of advocate services for those with mental health issues needing some answers with their care.

https://wwwrethink.org.

Help line advice line 0300 500 0927 

Please give them a call see how they can help and advise you. Sorry forget to include the original details in my post to you.

How are you ? Is there anything we can do please ask. Any thing you need to know be happy to find out for you.

Please take care.

@thespiceman