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Have you ever asked yourself the question "why me"?

Tammyjane33Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 685 Pioneering
Do you ever sit down on your own and fall into deep thought  about something you are going through especially bad things and thought 'why me? What have I done that's so wrong for bad things to happen to me? Am I a bad person? Did I bring this situation on myself? Could I have done something different to change the outcome? 

Replies

  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,201 Disability Gamechanger
    Oh yes I do this whenever bad things happen but I eventually get over it
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 8,002

    Scope community team

    I think a lot of people do @Tammyjane33. I hope you're doing okay though. Is there anything in particular prompting those sorts of thoughts?
    Community Manager
    Scope
  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,357 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello to all of you who think or blame your selves for what you think believe it was of things I did in my past that has given me this illnesses, disability or diagnosis.  If we where or are to think along these lines then who would blame the bigger events, national disasters that are shown on the news often daily then there are the financial disasters. We can look at the bigger picture, as a Christian God created us all equal, Jesus gave us a new commandment love your neighbour as your self and he thought us how to pray, The Our Father. So taking this simple theme we have evolved matured in to civilisations where the the strongest survives, we have become more selfish , more the I than the we, all of us and things are only going to get worst as we develop more labour saving technology and fewer and fewer of us will need or be able to work as no employment will be available to us not just here in the UK but world wise. Those with skills to use their hands grow food ect will be sought after people. We feel sorry for the third world countries send much needed funds but a lot is syphoned off by greedy officials. But in years to come the boot could be on the other foot though our own community national greed for more and the general disregard for the future. What you, or I did has no reference to our present heath problems Jess we had overdosed on drinking, smoking or drug abuse. Being diagnosed with a disability, illnesses ect is just life sometimes we have to accept it and move on make the most of what we have. Sorry for a long rant while out dog walking a fellow walker shared their perspective on some of the issues.
  • Tammyjane33Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 685 Pioneering
    edited July 2019
    @Adrian_Scope I'm fine thankyou, it was just a question that I wanted to explore and if people do have the same sorts of thoughts that I've come across the in the past. Hope you're well. :) 
  • GeoarkGeoark Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,375 Disability Gamechanger
    Not really. I chose to work nights in a busy warehouse on my own knowing it involved moving things at times which should have been done by two people. At the time it was the best I could get to support my family and so no regrets. 

    We all make choices and these can have an affect on our health and bodies, so yes can lead some of us to where we are. Does it make us bad or good people? Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people and very few people are all good or all bad we tend to be a very mixed bag.

    Unfortunately we do tend to have a cultural history where disability is seen as being the result of doing some wrong and this comes from the role religion has played. Where disability and illness are often seen as the result of some previous sin. We have come to a place where we need to find someone or something else to blame for things that happen to us. I like playing the blame game at work, I will suddenly say one of my colleagues is to blame for something undefined. They deny it so try to blame someone else.  Once my colleagues start getting fed up with the game I give up and say well if its not your fault it must be mine but it couldn't have been me because I was skiving at the time. Why I do this, at times things can get intense and we have some very tight deadlines to get things done. Trying to find blame is a waste of time usually when we need to get things done, I usually play the game when the team are under stress as it lightens the mood and puts the blame on me.

    I prefer to see it as it is what it is so what next. The best thing ever said to me was that I will always be in pain, it would was more about how much pain and how I cope with it. I don't have the energy to play the blame game for real.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    I have definitely had times where I have felt sorry for myself and thought 'this isn't fair! Why me?' but for me, these feelings aren't productive. I allow myself to have down days but try not to dwell on them and think about all the things in my life that I have control over.

    I think it's good to talk about these feelings with others though, as it makes you realise that it's not just you! In the age of filters and social media, it's easy to feel like everyone else is living extraordinary perfect lives when actually we all have bad days.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Tammyjane33Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 685 Pioneering
    @Sam_Scope I completely agree, thankyou for your feedback. 
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 2,032 Disability Gamechanger
    no, no point really...maybe if I`d had a different father
  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 2,869 Member
    Talking helps. Are you seeing a therapist or not? 
  • Tammyjane33Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 685 Pioneering
    @pollyanna1052 so sorry to hear this. 
  • Tammyjane33Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 685 Pioneering
    @April2018mom I'm not currently seeing a therapist or is that question for @pollyanna1052
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 2,032 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Tammy, maybe folk are wondering why I said `maybe if i`d had a different father`? Let me explain......my mum and dad divorced when I was 2. I never knew him....mum re-married and my step dad was a wonderful man....love him to bits, although he passed away 18 years ago. 
    My condition could be hereditary....tests were inconclusive. I am one of 23 cousins on my mum`s side. Mum had 4 siblings. No-one out of all those has a problem anything like mine. So it may have come from my birth father`s side. But I dont want to go looking there.
    Finding out where my immobility came from will not make it better......
  • AilsAils Member Posts: 2,268 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Tammyjane33.  Yes, I've sometimes asked this in the past, especially when I was a child and couldn't understand how all my friends were out playing and running about and I couldn't and my mum and dad had to explain a lot to me then.  Now sometimes I can get down and fed up at my lack of mobility and I can focus on my life before my hip replacement when I was a lot more able to do things on my own and I could drive/get out/work and that is when I can ask "why me?"  Then I try to focus on the positive things in my life like my family, friends, the things that I can do rather than what I can't do.  It can be difficult at times and it is only natural to feel like that, but I find keeping busy or doing something I enjoy like seeing friends or doing some crafts can help a lot to lift my spirits.  Hope you are doing ok today.  x  :smiley:
    Winner of the Scope New Volunteer Award 2019.   :)
  • jajajaja Member Posts: 76 Pioneering

    I have never had the 'why me?' in relation to my disability  I have thought/felt that it wasn't fair, definitely that. I don't think I have experienced the 'why me' in relation to many of the things that have happened in my life.

    To me 'why me' implies a choice was made. I was chosen instead of someone else. I think I see my situation more factually,  as mixture of genes, circumstances and decisions with a dash of bad luck. I definitely struggle with the emotions around my disability though. 

    I don't think I can answer any better than that.

    Take care
    J



  • abbeym395abbeym395 Member Posts: 22 Courageous
    I have, for sure.  When my depression bites it's hard not to think that way.  But eventually I pull myself through, reminding myself that I didn't do anything to deserve all the rubbish I have dealt with in my life.  They are the fault of the people who made the decisions that so impacted me.  All I can do is prove them wrong by making the most of my life.  I'm stuck in hospital right now and I'm struggling with those thoughts right now, but I did nothing to deserve this, even if the doctors keep insinuating otherwise.
  • jajajaja Member Posts: 76 Pioneering

    I'm sorry to hear you are in hospital right now. I couldn't agree more, no one deserves these things.

    Take care
    J

  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,653 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @abbeym395, a very warm welcome to the community and I'm sorry to hear you are in hospital at the moment. Is there anything we can do to help? 
    Scope

  • david1958david1958 Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Do you ever sit down on your own and fall into deep thought  about something you are going through especially bad things and thought 'why me? What have I done that's so wrong for bad things to happen to me? Am I a bad person? Did I bring this situation on myself? Could I have done something different to change the outcome? 
    yes you do your best and its still not good enough for them, and then others still blame you when it has nothing to do with you
  • david1958david1958 Member Posts: 8 Listener
    My wife works for a charity and the have been bulling here recently about something she does not have anything to do with, why she is there only payed person. Why do they blame others

  • david1958david1958 Member Posts: 8 Listener
    I worked for years as a gardener for a place in Windsor, then my boss changed, and I had do what he said, I was in a greenhouse and running it. So I followed what he said and it all went wrong as I new it would. Who was to blame not the boss but me as I didn't know what I was doing. Plants died and orders not met 

  • Tammyjane33Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 685 Pioneering
    Hi @abbeym395 I hope things improve for you soon. 
  • Tammyjane33Tammyjane33 Member Posts: 685 Pioneering
    @Adrian_Scope I'm good thankyou it was just a general question, years ago I've had these sort of thoughts when I was unwell but now I'm doing well thankyou for your support. 
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