Any ideas as to what this is?

66Mustang

I want to share one of the undiagnosed issues that I have to see if anyone knows what it is or has suffered from something similar.

It was initially diagnosed as psychosis before the decision that it wasn’t this, and now the best the doctors can come up with is some form of OCD but it hasn’t been formally diagnosed - they haven’t heard of anyone with the same issues. 

Basically I have fears that I am going to lose control and do something I don’t want to do. 

It could be something very trivial. For example if I’m holding a glass of drink I am worried I am going to just tip it over. Or if I’m in an assembly of people listening to a speaker I’m worried I’m going to shout out. 

But it could also be something very serious. When I’m driving I’m constantly worried that I will violently jerk the steering wheel to the left or right and crash the car. Also I’m worried I will attack myself or others when using sharp knives, for example.

The best way of describing the thoughts it this: if I was given a button to press or not press, and told it does nothing, I could ignore it; but if I was told it would do something bad I’d constantly be worried that I was going to press it, even though I am the one in control of whether I press it or not.

In the past I have acted on these thoughts but not for several years. It takes immense psychological effort to not act on the thoughts. 

It doesn’t sound too bad now I’ve written it down but these thoughts are truly bad and really stop me from doing anything I want to do, as if I know I will get the thoughts, I avoid doing an activity. Anything from driving to going to a wedding or funeral to having a simple cup of tea, I have to avoid.

Any ideas?

Thanks!

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66Mustang

Thanks for the posts, I think you are definitely right that intrusive thoughts are a big part of OCD. I have seen articles about “Pure O OCD” where there is just an obsession, no compulsions like checking, arranging, hand washing etc. Maybe it is something along those lines?

Sorry to hear you have had similar thoughts.

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Silver925

OCD can take many strange forms. I suffer with it myself all my adult life. Sounds like a form of OCD where you are constantly in fear of doing something you are not in control of. Some Ments Health care in the past was rubbish and if you didn't check locks and line thing up in order you didn't have OCD. It sounds like OCD but can't remember the name. You can buy books on the subject which will talk about all the different kinds. If your having intrusive thoughts about harming yourself or others talk to your Doctor they might be able to get you some councelling. Good Luck

Chloe_Scope

Thank you for sharing this with us @66Mustang and I'm sorry hear the impact this is having on your life. Like @justdon, we are not doctors so are unable to make a diagnosis. However, I others will be able to share their experiences.

66Mustang

Thank you for the kind posts. Really appreciated.

I am exploring treatment options at the moment, I’m going to be starting some CBT soon, so maybe that will help! 

Chloe_Scope

I hope that helps @66Mustang.

pollyanna1052

Hi, I`m concerned about the safety of your driving, if you do jerk the steering wheel away from the right direction. Plus if your mind is busy worrying about anything, you may not be safe.

66Mustang

Thanks for the concern, I was concerned about it too. However I have told several doctors in the mental health profession and none of them expressed any concern that I was going to act on these thoughts while driving. 

Also, I don’t seem to get the thoughts as much on smaller, quieter roads which is why I stick to those. I can’t drive on motorways or dual carriageways as the thoughts are very acute there. 

1119082

okay