dating & aspergers

carriebj

hi all, new to this forum and wanting advice please on how to help my 23 year old aspie son. He’s desperate to find someone to share his life with in his own way but neuro typical girls have only led to drama and heartbreak so far. I think he wd benefit from finding another aspie - but I don’t know where to start helping him. Any thoughts / suggestions? I don’t have the know how to set up my own aspiematch.com! TIA... 

thespiceman

Hello @carriebj   Pleased to meet you welcome.

Thank you for joining and sharing.

I am one of the team of community champions. We guide, advise and help members of our community.

Please can I advise have you spoken to the following may be able to give some guidance and support.

The National Autistic Society 

Who also deal with Asperger's as well.

Helpline 020 7833 2299

Email [email protected]

I would also look at the MEET UP website as well. Local support  groups and organisations that may be able to help.

One suggestion is to contact volunteer bureau in your local area. Being volunteering can help integrate meet so many people. You make friends and sometimes meet some one who likes you.

The volunteer bureau in your area would match him up with his skills, abilities and any talents he has. To any organisation. That need volunteers.

Could be an local charity that has disabled members of our community. It all depends what he wishes to do.

Even the local Autistic or Asperger's Branch near you.

You could contact SCOPE . Need volunteers.

By doing a variety of leisure activities, volunteering and anything he has an interest in to, can be beneficial to meeting people.

I have mental illness, disability did volunteering in mental health charities usually doing volunteering in Kitchens.

Please have a look around our website plenty of new friends and lots of advice, information .

Please ask if we can help with anything some one will know a member of our team or a member of our community.

Please take care.

@thespiceman

Chloe_Scope

Hi @carriebj, how are you doing?

carriebj

Thanks for the suggestions, appreciated. The struggle is new situations and meeting new people so volunteering would be very difficult (although not impossible). I have looked at MeetUp although some of the groups which sound most suitable are a little distance away. I'll definitely get in touch with the NAS and see what suggestions they have. Thanks

Chloe_Scope

I hope you find it useful @carriebj and please do let us know how you get on!

fairybellsxo

Hello!

I hope you manage to find some help for him, I have aspergers myself and I am a women who is 25, I have found that it helps building friendships first and then having them as potential partners if they feel the same way about you it's so important to me that the people I am with are ' open minded '.

I just want you to know that there is no need to worry I have been in 3 relationships so far in my life and although they didn't last I took away something wonderful from them all and my confidence is much higher now than when I started!

Before I knew I was autistic I was always drawn to the unique/different souls of the world and I feel this will happen naturally for your son when he meets the ' right ' person, they'l be absolutely besotted with him and his unique ways.

Good luck! and if you need any further advice or want to ask any further questions feel free xx

Adrian_Scope

That's a very kind message @fairybellsxo. Thanks for sharing it.

fairybellsxo

That's not a problem, I really hope it helps in some way!  

carriebj

Thanks So much for reaching out and for your words of encouragement. I’ve had a look at some of the pen pals in the NAS spectrum publication although he’s not reached out to anyone yet. He’s acutely aware of being on his own which makes it even harder! 

I think where your confidence has grown, Harry’s takes a battering every time something comes to an end and he finds it really hard to pick himself back up again which then makes it hard to reach out. It’s tough out there but I appreciate your kind words so much x

chiarieds

Hi @carriebj - I'd just like to add that it's hard for anyone when a relationship ends, & it knocks your confidence. I have some understanding, as altho my son's neuropsychologist didn't wish to diagnose him (this is about 12 years ago), he said on the scale of this is 'normal,' & there's Aspergers, he was next door to that.

My son only ever had 2 girlfriends; the 2nd is his wife. She says initially she didn't realise he was 'different', but they seem to complement each other. She's outgoing, unlike my son. She does tease in saying, 'How did I ever cope with him?' This as she has to remind him to do things like getting a shower. But, as @fairybellsxo has said, your son may meet his 'right' person. I know my daughter-in-law loves his geekiness, & what makes him uniquely different too. They are so happy together, which I love seeing.

carriebj

Aw that’s lovely to hear! Hope they continue to be happy together x

fairybellsxo

carriebj said:

Thanks So much for reaching out and for your words of encouragement. I’ve had a look at some of the pen pals in the NAS spectrum publication although he’s not reached out to anyone yet. He’s acutely aware of being on his own which makes it even harder! 

I think where your confidence has grown, Harry’s takes a battering every time something comes to an end and he finds it really hard to pick himself back up again which then makes it hard to reach out. It’s tough out there but I appreciate your kind words so much x

Carrie, he is welcome to speak with me directly id be happy to be a friend/support for him if he wants to speak with somebody from a place of ' understanding '

All the best