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Son struggles with self-confidence

sass74sass74 Member Posts: 4 Listener
edited December 2019 in Disabled people
Hi my son was born with cerebral palsy. He is left sided hemi. He is nearly 25 now and has never really come to terms with his disability. He struggles with self confidence, feels inadequate and like he is less then his peers/colleagues. I am really concerned for him and wondered if there are any services others have used that may help with these issues. 
Thanks in advance 

Replies

  • chiariedschiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 8,124 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @sass74 - I'd just like to welcome you here. I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but hopefully others will have a better understanding than I to help your son.
    Speaking just as a Mum, our eldest daughter is dyslexic, & lacked in self confidence too for a long time. She didn't do well at school, but later studied to be a Travel Agent. She was interviewed by the company she wanted to work with, & was turned down. Out of the blue, over a year later she was invited to another interview, where they said you don't have any work experience, & she said well if no-one gives me a chance, I won't get any. She got the job!
    What is your son doing at the moment, if you don't mind me asking?
    I think anything that makes a young person feel 'different' can have a knock on effect that they may lack self confidence, when sometimes it shows your strengths in what you've overcome.
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 7,955

    Scope community team

    edited December 2019
    Hi @sass74. I'm so sorry your son is feeling that way. My daughter struggles enormously with self-confidence and I know how heartbreaking it can be as a parent to see your child not value themselves the way they should.

    Has he ever spoken about his feelings with a counsellor? That might be a good first step. 

    I'm not sure whether you were looking for services specific to building confidence in young adults with CP or just generally, but I'll tag in our CP information officer @Richard_Scope to see if he has any other thoughts or suggestions. 
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

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  • sass74sass74 Member Posts: 4 Listener
    thank you both I am grateful for your replies
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,736

    Scope community team

    edited December 2019
    Hi @sass74
    It's not uncommon for disabled people to sometimes feel this way. Was there any particular incident that has maybe brought this to the fore? I live with CP too so I can relate to what your son has experienced in his life so far. 
    Here is a really useful self-esteem resource from the charity MIND.

    If I can help further, let me know.
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • sass74sass74 Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Thank you. The trigger was breaking up with his girlfriend.
    thank you I shall take a look at the resources you have suggested 
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,736

    Scope community team

    Break-ups can really make you question who you are and whether you're good enough. It affects everybody that way, even more so if you have an impairment as we do. It will pass over time, it's just not nice while he is going through it.
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • sass74sass74 Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Yes I quite agree, it’s heartbreaking watching him go through it
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,736

    Scope community team

    He will get through it! 
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,263 Pioneering
    I'm afraid that healthy or ill there seems to be a general lack of self confidence in society in general. I was one of the lucky ones and never suffered a lack of confidence in anything I have ever done, mostly because I know (and always have) that whatever I try to do I will get right eventually, one way or another, so have never been bothered by failure, even by repeated ones. My son isn't quite as confident as me as I can border on arrogance at times, but has spent enough time with and around me to know that he can do much the same if he applies himself. However, I have noticed that he stands out when around his friends as they suffer much the same lack of self confidence as seems to be suffered generally. Sometimes such a lack can be seen as comments on social networks like FB, where people often post for the approbation and sympathy they get when failing at things rather than showing a determination to succeed.

    I have often wondered if the arrogant displays by older men are simply a cover for never having learnt to be really confident in themselves but younger men and women do struggle to exhibit anything other than a lack of confidence. I guess we simply don't train children, both at home and in school, to be more determined and therefore more confident in themselves.

    Ofc relationships are the most difficult things to cope with when suffering a lack of self confidence.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
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