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Hi, my name is psuedonym!

psuedonympsuedonym Member Posts: 7 Listener
I've come on here through sheer frustration and to find like minded people.
Since about 2010 officially, although I remember the symptoms from when I was a teenager, I have suffered with anxiety problems.  The problems are wide in scope and range from the fear of making a fool of myself and saying the wrong things in a social environment to fear of failing.  I overthink many many things, including work place scenarios, social environments (which I hate and fear saying the wrong thing all the time) and conversations/comments which may mean nothing but also might have a hidden meaning and reveal an individuals hidden disliking of me.  I recall in my 20's having to drink a few pints quickly to settle my nerves in social circumstances.  I freeze quite often and get stumped half way though a sentence because there is so much going on in my head I am thinking of two or three things at once.  I am often very tense in the shoulders.  This often leads to low moods which can last a day or two and I have to rest through them due to feeling quite literally exhausted.
I have had interventions by way of cognitive behavioural therapy which do work but are unsustainable over a period of time.  And the anxiety is that complex and powerful that it usually overpowers my attempts to calm it.  I am taking SSRI's which help, but only normally last for around six months.  
This has cost me my marriage as my partner couldn't cope with my irritability and constant tiredness.  The divorce was bitter as I helped her through so many of her personal issues, but she failed me with mine.  But that's another story and Im bleating a bit now.
My biggest gripe having accepted that anxiety/low mood is part of me now, is the inability of others to understand me.  I am a large man of 6'2 and 16 stone and due to my build people can't understand what my problem is.  I've been told to get over myself, pull myself together and so on.  It's so frustrating and annoying and makes me feel worthless and childish.  But people cannot see inside your head and at any one time I can be thinking about many different things, but not passively, continuously and hard thinking until I resolve whatever thought has entered my head.
Please could people on this forum share examples of how you have coped with the opinions and disbelief of others especially in the work place environment.  I have had a torrid time at work and need to know Im not the only one!!
Thank you

Replies

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Pseudonym   pleased to meet you.

    Thank you for joining and sharing.

    I am one of the team of community champions. We advise, support, help members of our community.

    I have mental health issues myself have knowledge experience.  Has an addiction history got qualifications in diet, nutrition .

    Please if I can explain to you.

    Please if I can suggest something to consider.

    I would look at mental health charities. I used them as they have coping methods and stratergies.

    This does help with any such as anxiety. Please may add also the charities will look at well being, health, sleep, medications and anything else.

    All above do effect mental health including alcohol.

    Please when we get anxious we reach for either alcohol or anything like tea or coffee.   Caffeine in chocolate or cola.  

    Stimulants make you reach for more,  in a matter a fact most people have the fear or flight feelings you describe are part of mental health.

    Anxiety symptoms include sweats stomach pains chest pains palpitations breathless some appetite losses and dry mouth often some others toilet and the frequency.of going moving bowels.

    Low moods I would always advise discuss with GP

    Will offer support.

    Education and learning are the key to coping, certain therapies can be effective.

    CBT is not for every one , never worked for me.

    I have had my anxiety depression for thirty years and find certain therapies, relaxation techniques can be useful.

    This is always on going.

    Simple one discussing on the phone or talking to health professionals is to write it down in a script.

    What you need to say.  Glass of cold water nearby deep breaths and take your time reading.

    Useful with support workers need help with this please.

    I often do this.

    Please you have done nothing wrong it is finding what is best for you.

    If you enrol in any of the charities listed they will discuss a care plan for you.

    They will assess you first and please will look at anything they can support you with.  Have in house advisors on employment, addiction or a number of health issues can signpost you to.

    https://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk.

    Telephone 020 7697 3300

    https://www.mind.org.uk.

    Telephone 0300 123 3393

    https://www.rethink.org

    Telephone 0121 522 7007

    Please contact me happy to answer any questions.

    You are not alone.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • psuedonympsuedonym Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Pleased to meet you Spiceman thanks

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Pseudonym   thank you. Pleasure to meet you.

    One thing I did mention alcohol consumption.

    Having anxiety meant became alcoholic now clean but have  a lot of knowledge and expertise.

    If you need that advice if you ever are drinking, something to consider.

    Have addiction helplines .

    With any anxiety can creep up with out you knowing.

    Yet became seriously ill. 

    Being caring, concerned.  You will be fine please contact any of the organisations asap.

    Hope that reassures you please if I can be of any help please tag my name.

    @ as I have done for you.  Comes to me quickly and I can help you and assist you.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • psuedonympsuedonym Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Once again thanks @thespiceman

    I don't drink heavily and have no addictions.  I have a full time job which I am holding down fine and I have recently told my employer about my issues.  So I feel better for that.

    This thing never really goes away.  I have been told I likely have Generalised Anxiety Disorder but they are unlikely to make a full diagnosis as it is managed by my GP and myself.  The low moods come and go, normally when I have a lot of stress in my life.  I had a breakdown after my divorce I just couldn't see straight.

    Your story sounds interesting and I'm so glad for you that you have got to grips with your issues.  I feel liberated discussing this as I have held onto it for a very long time.  It can be controlled and I can live a normal life...with a bit of help.  

    The only thing that really gets to me is ignorance and a lack of understanding and interest from peers.  Only the people who really know you count.  That much I know.  Family and close friends.  Nobody else really matters.....

    Thanks


  • emmarenshawemmarenshaw Community champion Posts: 704 Pioneering
    Welcome to the community @psuedonym  The community is a lovely and supportive bunch,  so if you ever need anything or have any questions just let any one of us know and we’ll be happy to help. It’s great to have you with us.
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 6,896 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2019
    Hi @Pseudonym - Welcome to this very supportive community. My friend thespiceman does indeed understand mental health issues, & I sincerely hope he's helped.
    Just last night, when I was talking to my daughter, she mentioned for the first time that her best friend, whom she's known for over 20 years, suffered from anxiety. She then said she didn't understand, as her friend had nothing to be 'anxious' about. I explained to her, from my understanding about such things in the short time I've been here, that anxiety just happens, like any other medical problem, & can be crippling.
    Think any stress worsens problems, whether physical or mental. I'm sadly going through the divorce process, & it has undoubtedly increased the level of pain I have. So, altho' we have different problems, there are commonalities. It's very hard sometimes to understand others difficulties, but through sharing, I am hopeful that it helps.
    It's good to read you've discussed your problems with your employer; that's a way forward too. As I was self-employed throughout the majority of my working life, I haven't faced your issues.
    Please talk here any time.

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2019
    Hello @pseudonym   thank you for  reply.  Kind words and comments.

    Please if I can just add no one wants to be stressed or anxious.

    The concern and care I have is to make sure that members understand any issues or difficulties before they emerge in to serious problems.

    I thought never drank heavily suffered with a lot of stress no never.

    Only accessing rehab and suddenly by education from others and my support worker we discussed the problems.

    Understanding Health Part 2 is a qualification, I gained after rehab. Looking a the impacts of health.

    Including how identifying stress and any thing like alcohol or drugs effects the person mind and body. Part of a thesis I completed as I did at that time. Just had the knowledge. Useful to be aware of stress.

    The problems are stigmas and think negative or paranoid thoughts can bring some depression, low moods into down ward spiral.

    I do have a lot of encounters, meetings with members of either support groups or men's ones particularly.

    Have not got a problems or issues or anything but in reality are ill.  Because discuss nothing but do share small insights getting us men to talk always an issue.

    Denial is a problem in identifying stress.

    An addiction can mean the reliant of having a drink becomes every day.  With out realising it.

    Absenteeism is the best way.

    Stress like to give the following.

    Emotional. Upset, being angry, shouting. 

    Sleep badly 

    Fidget, restless lack of concentration bite nails, play with hair , lack of appetite.

    Unable you can not talk to people, end up shouting, or can not cope social situations.  Crowds Shopping, so on.

    Driving too fast, agitated doing so panics, feel annoyed angry doing routines.

    Any work feel lack of empathy.  Do not care. Any little things irate .

    Tired exhausted need a drink or use alcohol or smoking to cope.

    Empty can not cope. Have negativity feel useless, lonely lack of connections to relationships.  Wasted life do not wish to go on, feel the need to not wish for intimacy.

    Any of those see Doctors or seek professional support or get help.

    Hope that helps you understand a little more.

    Please if I can also advise speak to well being service your local council.

    Good information, advice on diet, nutrition, could and can help as well.

    Thought did not wish to info over loads.

    Useful ideas for stress relievers.  Music Classical FM calming.

    Yoga, meditation and sport leisure activities. Gardening, Word puzzles, any sports, gym a good one.

    Dog walking, volunteering.  Mentioned volunteering did this a lot worked in mental health charities same time got insights in any thing I could use.

    Which helped me as well.  Enrolled in all the charities as clientele and volunteer.

    Just a suggestion.

    Please contact me any time.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman







    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,662 Disability Gamechanger
    A very warm welcome to the community @psuedonym. :)
    Community Partner
    Scope

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  • psuedonympsuedonym Member Posts: 7 Listener
    edited December 2019
    @Chloe_Scope @thespiceman @chiarieds @emmarenshaw

    All good stuff and clearly you understand the issues.  Thank you.

    Work place stress is a trigger, the problem I have is that in the environment I work in stress is a sign of weakness and an inability to cope and do the job.  I work in an environment of multi tasking often in quick succession and this tends to scramble my brain.

    I haven't let it out at work in the past through fear of showing myself up.  But the older I get the more its a problem.  Sometimes when Im anxious I don't seem to have any time at home, Im just busy doing nothing all the time, other times when Im not so stressed or anxious I can get all my jobs done on a Saturday morning and chill.  But the chill time brings me down.  Its such an anomaly. I'm a good man, I care about people, but my outward persona gives people the impression that I don't care and this deeply troubles me.

    I will be visiting here a lot as if nothing else, I can speak to people in the same boat as me.

    Thank you all so much.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @psuedonym   Understand every thing your saying, just some suggestions.

    Please can add nothing wrong in admitting problems or issues.

    I would look at any of the links I gave you in previous posts.

    Mental health is a serious condition and does need careful consideration, all different may I add now.

    Attitudes and demeanours many employers recognise safe guarding, each company has an open approach and knows the problems. Staff need to be given opportunities to discuss issues bothering them.

    Please may I add a little insight into the work of one charity.

    Richmond Fellowship. They have an employers charter working with those wishing to look at work with support from the charity.

    As well health, wellbeing anything else can help with benefits anything relevant. Supported a lot of people discuss with you any solutions.

    I forget all confidential no one knows, staff are trained do not discuss with others outside. Anything, even when leaving clientele no one knows.

    Add to that some clientele who join are made aware of any employment opportunities in the charity if they are suitable and have the necessary experience, qualifications.

    The programmes involve a lot of support but most of important of all your not alone. You do meet others similar in support meetings.

    Called recovery, I use a lot of the coping techniques daily and strategies.

    Organisation is the key, planning using tools, education knowledge.

    Your employer would be assisted and give a lot of help towards supporting you.

    Hope that helps you.

    One final point stress, anxiety depression can be helped, eased and coped with my concern and care is for those who do not identify there issues before it is too late.

    Sorry to tell you inform you have met a few people in my past who have ended up being ill in the job.

    They work and till it becomes a health and safety hazard for them and their colleagues.

    Then the problems really begin something you need to be aware of.

    Working with stress is not an easy thing to cope with myself know this.

    I am not here to scare monger or cause hurt or harm there comes a time the body can not cope.

    I am one myself.  Learnt to cope and deal with this by accessing the links I gave you.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman







    .
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,662 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @psuedonym, thank you for sharing this with us and I know it will resonate with a lot of people. You are doing great to manage everything and it actually can be hard when we chill as everything catches up with you.

    Take care and please do let us know if we can do anything to help. I look forward to seeing you on the forum. :)
    Community Partner
    Scope

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  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 6,896 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2019
    Hi @psuedonym - Have you not only discussed your problems with your employer, but thought about asking for 'Reasonable Adjustments?' Please see:  https://archive.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=6074   & also info here on Scope's website: https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/work-careers/reasonable-adjustments/  as you say that your workplace is a trigger. IMHO I wouldn't see stress as a sign of weakness, rather that this stress in itself is a disability. Perhaps your employer might be agreeable to giving you some time out, as & when needed, when things become too much. You seem to be valued as an employee, so altho' it's your right to receive any such accomodation you need, I would hope your employer would rather see this as supporting you so you can continue with your job successfully.
    You need to look after yourself also, & the current level of stress in your job can't be helping.
    I also hope that you seriously look at some of the links my friend the spiceman has listed. We're none of us invincible, with, or without any mental or physical problems, & all need help at some times in our lives.....& that's not a sign of weakness to admit this either. With some ongoing help, please consider things may actually improve for you.
    Lastly, we could all probably wonder how others perceive us; it's great to read that you know you're a good man & care about others, that's what matters. Have belief in yourself, & self-esteem.


  • psuedonympsuedonym Member Posts: 7 Listener
    @chiarieds Hello and thanks for your reply.  Happy New Year everyone!
    My employer has been helpful and moved me to a less intense role. This has helped me immensely as I have definitely levelled out and there are facilities in the department to help me with the times I am struggling (quiet rooms etc). They are helping me find something permanent now as well.
    It's more the frustration of having colleagues disbelieve me and this is the reason I haven't spoken about anxiety and low moods with my employer until now, although I have been dealing with it on and off for some time.  I suppose you can't do much about that and the cognitive behavioural techniques do help.  I address the thoughts around colleagues by dismissing them as unhelpful and asking myself what I will gain from them to help me....which the answer is always nothing!

    I have started to read some self esteem books now as well which are helping, Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Melanie Fennell.  I just have to run with this. It's my lot.  Things could be far worse.  I am happy to find this forum though.

    Thanks Guys
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 6,896 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @psuedonym - Pleased to read your employer is being so helpful & I do hope this reduces your stress somewhat. It's good to know you have coping techniques already in place, & are reading books to further help. I wish you a Happy New Year hoping that this may be a better one for you.
  • psuedonympsuedonym Member Posts: 7 Listener
    @chiarieds its ups and downs.  Although there are definitely more ups at the moment.  Im balancing out and have been stable for about a month now.  I'm feeling positive about the new year and the lows when I get them are only lasting around an hour or so as opposed to several hours even days.  Opening up has definitely helped me.  The only way to fight anxiety and depression is to speak about it and in time, if I remain stable I would consider championing some kind of talk group.

    I don't know what's happened but over the past couple of weeks things seem to have softened a bit at work and people seem to be speaking to me ok.  This is helping my self esteem and dignity.

    I'll keep fighting.  So glad to have found this site.
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 6,896 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @psuedonym - Thank you very much for the update; it's great to read that on balance you have more up moments. An improvement with your work colleagues is also good to hear as it's helping your well-being.
    Small steps, but good ones in the right direction. Yes, it's people like yourself that understand so much who could help others given time. Now that would be an achievement. As ever, it's good to talk to you, & please do keep in touch.

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