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Ashamed of myself

crackercracker Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
I have many physical disabilities and mental illness, too.

Since she 15, I have had severe anorexia and agoraphobia and major depression. Much of my physical disabilities are a result of almost 60 years of semi-starvation. 

People say "Just eat".  Very few understand anorexia. I blame myself for having an illness for which the cure is indeed eating and gaining weight.
So many in this world have not enough to eat.

I am ashamed of being this way and tend to avoid people for fear of criticism. Some do
get angry with me because I cannot join them because of agoraphobia and because I cannot join them for a meal.

My family would tell at me for "pretending". But I

have no control over over my mental or physical illness.

I feel I should be able to overcome it all and am in shame because I have no control.


  • juliaparry24juliaparry24 Member Posts: 30 Connected
    Your family should never think that your pretending, anorexia is a serious condition and I'm sorry to hear that they don't support you in getting some help

    I know how it feels to be ashamed, but believe me when I say that you shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself, people never have a right to criticise you

    Please try your best to seek medical help and support because any doctor should be able to help you to get better and to help you too get healthy

    You are a very strong person and you can overcome this!
    Never let people drag you down!

    I hope the very best for you! 
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 2,032 Disability Gamechanger
    Having anorexia can be an unpleasant condition. You may want to eat but have an aversion to the smell, taste and feel of certain or most foods.

    People like me who are overweight can be cruel when looking at thin people.

    But it is a mental issue and not for us to judge.

    I hope you are receiving the medical help you need.
  • mouseymousey Member Posts: 16 Courageous
    Hi @cracker, I had anorexia nervosa when I was younger too. I can relate the anorexia to the start of some of my physical illnesses too but that may just be me blaming myself.
    It's such a horrible disease. I remember when I was consumed by it, and the all or nothing thinking, and the toll it took on my body, and the guilt of not being able to stop.
    Are you able to get help from an eating disorder specialist?
    All the best :)
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,413 Disability Gamechanger
    Our daughter had anorexia from the age of 15-20, at one point she was just above 5stone and we were told close to death, thanks to excellent medical help followed by lots of counselling she started to get better, now she is a healthy weight a mum to a 6 year old with a good job with a American bank in the UK, we consider ourselves to have been very very lucky.
    Personally I would see anorexia as a mental illness.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • crackercracker Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
    I got in the '60's, and was not diagnosed or treated until I was in my forties.

    Parents praised me for losing weight.  My mother even started a contest.with me, trying to be thinner.

    Those were very different times.  I had no idea there was anything wrong.

    Thanks a!l.
  • Gwendoline1Gwendoline1 Member Posts: 226 Pioneering
    Hiya cracker,
    My heart goes out to you.
    I don’t understand what it must be like, I only know what I’ve read. What I’ve read is, that it affects all parts of a person’s life and my heart truly goes out to all.
    As I’ve already said I can’t claim to understand, since I’ve always needed to watch my weight as I tend to over eat. Yes that creates issues too
    Sadly as you’ve already said ‘ times were different ‘, the knowledgeable wasn’t there.
    Please don’t beat yourself up about what you should and shouldn’t do. Others have already mentioned getting medical advice and if you have or haven’t try and give it a go again. 
    That’s for you to decide. Please look after yourself, you sound like such a lovely person xx😀

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