Dating and relationships
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I want a sexual relationship but am fearful

AutismallyAutismally Member Posts: 4 Listener
I am a young autistic woman who is very fearful of starting a new relationship, and progressing to a sexual relationship. I am fearful of pain during sex, and feeling like I am not in control. How could I feel confident to start this kind of relationship, and manage it?


  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,652 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Autismally, great to have you with us. Here is an article about relationships and Autism.

    Also, here is an app that allows Autistic people to meet others who are in a similar situation.

    You always have the option of saying no and it's okay to take things slowly and at your own pace when in a relationship.

    I hope these resources are useful.
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  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 9,145 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome to the community, I think most people are apprehensive when getting into a new relationship and you will feel anxious.

    A lot of it is about how your partner makes you feel and gives you the confidence to feel ready to move on to sexual relationship, starting off with affection and making you feel wanted.

    Take it slow you don't have to go the whole way straight off just take little steps 

    Good luck I hope you find what you are looking for  
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 7,924

    Scope community team

    Hi @Autismally, I think what's been said about finding a partner who gives you confidence about the whole thing is really important. Having confidence that they understand and you're both on the same page about pace and progression is vital for any relationship, let alone one evolving into a sexual relationship.

    Perhaps our @PSHEexpert might have some thoughts?
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  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,284 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello, taking your health conditions aside starting a new relationship is a nervous experience for both parties each wondering about different questions to ask, am I being not pushy, saying to much about myself, not letting the partner say, tell their story. All this before we get to kissing holding hands and bring interment with each other. Talking , sharing and getting to know each other and being comfortable with your partner and you will know when the time is right to take things further. Remember you are feeling nervous and anxious about staring and having a sexual relationship your partner could may be thinking along the same lines. Also before you embark on your new sexual relationship look into pregnancy protection precautions.  Good luck .
  • AilsAils Member Posts: 2,268 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @autismally and welcome to the Community.  It's nice to meet you.  I don't have anything to add to the fantastic information/advice you have been given above, but just wanted to welcome you to the forum.  I wish you all the best with a new relationship.  :smile:
    Winner of the Scope New Volunteer Award 2019.   :)
  • pieeterpieeter Member Posts: 12 Listener
    Hi my name is Christian holder am am a single male I would like to meet a nice lady in Brighton and Hove who has moderate learning dissabillty
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 3,334

    Scope community team

    Hi @pieeter

    Do you see our post about an online club night this Friday for people with learning difficulties?  This might be a good way to meet someone new :)  
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  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 9,145 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @pieeeter Welcome unfortunately this is not a dating site and members are not allowed to give out personal information in order to protect members
    You may find the outsiders group on facebook useful this is a dating site for those with disabilities

    We also have a section on relationships and dating which may give you some advice
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