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Coping With Erectile Dysfunction

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josh1960
josh1960 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
I am a 60 year old man with diabetes,and suffers with erectile dysfunction for last seven years.My wife and i have tried evrything,pills ect,but nothing has helped,the stress of not feeling a real man has had a terrible effect on our relationship,including deep depression,thoughts of ending my life,paranoia that my wife maybe seeking a sexual relationship elsewhere.I Thought that after our children grew up and flew the nest,we would have more time for each other,and in the begining life was perfect,our sex life was incredible,but one day things stopped working,at first i saw it as maybe stress,we spoke to our doctor,i was put on a course of viagra,and at first they seemed to work,but then stopped working altogether,during the times the viagra was working,my wife had noticed that there was no ejaculation of semen,we spoke to the doctor who said that this condition is called retro-ejaculation,a condition that stops semen from ejaculating,and infact the semen ends up in the bladder.Life has become worse as the years since,my wife and i do not discuss my problem anymore,i feel she is fed up with it and has given up,i dont approach the subject for fear of upsetting her,so here we are,two chess pieces on a board,neither of us wanting to move,both stuck in a very loving relationship,but neither full-filled sexualy.

Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi and welcome to the community, I know this condition can be a side effect of the diabetes, have you spoke to your diabetic nurse about this or maybe another specialist . I know there are other medications and solutions other than viagra available but I am no expert 
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,581 Disability Gamechanger
    edited June 2020
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    Hi @josh1960 and a warm welcome to the community. I'm really sorry this has caused you to have thoughts about ending your life. Have you currently got any support for this? 

    Relate is an organisation that has loads of advice and support, they also aim to make resources which will be useful for everyone. They have a page about help with sex and the different support that is available. Is this something you would like to discuss with your partner?

    The NHS also have information about erectile dysfunction
    Scope

  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,093 Disability Gamechanger
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    When the current crisis is over ask you GP to refer you to the local ED clinic at your hospital, they have a number of ways in which they can help non of them involving viagra and most with a pretty high success rate.

    2024 Election won

  • RyanMason
    RyanMason Community member Posts: 7 Listener
    edited September 2021
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    I  think you'd better consult a specialist. They may suggest more effective techniques for treatment. Don't worry. You will definitely find a way to bring heat back to your sex life.  If visiting a doctor is not convenient to you, you can talk to a doctor online about your problem.
     Here you can register for online health services: (Removed by moderator, medical advice)
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    This thread is over a year old, how did you get on @josh1960?

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @RyanMason

    Thanks for posting your reply, hopefully the OP finds the information you included helpful. I just wanted to let you know that I have removed the link from your post because I don't think it would be appropriate for us to signpost somebody to an online proscription service, that information is best coming from a person's GP. Furthermore, in accordance with our community house rules we should not give medical advice, though I appreciate you were being helpful.
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  • John4
    John4 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
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    Hi forum, 
    I have just come across this as I was looking for someone discontected to talk to about this. This has now happened to me a few times and its devastating.  
    I'm in my 40's and generally fit. I've been married for over 10 yrs and happy. This started over a year ago, i tried some through the mail remedies and they worked, but now they are starting to fail. We don't have sex very often so when we do I feel under serious pressure and fear its going to happen again and it does. My wife knows nothing of my pills and I simply cannot tell her. I want to make love to her but know I cant and will disappoint her. 
    I cant see a doctor as I brought it up once before and he shrugged and said it will go away.... I'm my wits end, i cant go on like this. I'm so embarrassed and low. I'm successful in everything I do, I run a business and outwardly everything looks great, but this tearing me up inside and cannot live this way, 

  • racyguy
    racyguy Community member Posts: 560 Pioneering
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    I have just put up a post saying how brilliant this forum is and then trawling around I found this particular post. I hope no one is annoyed if I jump in at this point?
    I developed a Pancreas disease 17 years ago which within a year or so left me with insulin based Diabetes. A year or so later when I was 56 down the line I too lost the ability to maintain any erection. I put it down to stress. The physical part of my marriage was lost but my wife was very understanding. Since then 2006, we have given up with any level of being intimate as I could not complete it for her or myself.
    We have never really talked about it putting it down to one of those things that comes with poor health. Certainly never discussed the problem with any outsider either. In fact this is the first time I have written about it knowing that no one knows who I am.
    So with an understanding wife I have got through the feelings of being inadequate.
    As for medical intervention I have never felt comfortable with divulging the issue. 
    A bit late in the day now to take it up with a GP but what I would say is that time does heal the feelings of inadequatcey. Shame and embarrassment makes it impossible to ever bring up the subject with an outsider.
    I wish you the best and hope that you find a way through it all.
  • josh1960
    josh1960 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
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    Thankyou for the comments left,sorry in such a long time for a reply,i have been throwing myself into work as a parish councillor.The one thing i have learned over this year,is although my erectile dysfunction has and does blight my life,and that a woman can never ever understand fully,i have learnt that my wife of many years,loves me very much,and to me that outweighs my erectile issues.My wife is always there to help me and wipe my tears away,like John4 and proberly other men,we use medication and mail order gadgets,sometimes they work,but alot of times they dont,but my wife is always there to cuddle me and soothe those awful moments.
    Women will never fully understand what a man goes through,and why should they,after all how can we as males understand the menopause,they say men go through that aswell,but thats rubbish in my opinion,all a man does is buy tighter jeans and a sportscar.I Think its important to get things into perspective,if i have to live with this condition for the rest of my life,then so be it,it is about love from your partner,love for each other,sex is a natural and enjoyed by you and your partner,but should never be top of the list in a relationship,it should not even come second or third or fifth on the list.When i met my wife all those decades back,i was younger,18 years old,i was special forces,i was fit,i had a body that i was not ashamed to show,my wife and i had sex regular,alot of times instigated by my wife,especially after returning home from overseas,we have managed to have eight children and have seven grandchildren,both my wife and i are as much in love today as back in the day,we may of both aged abit,but she still finds me a turn on,if im shirtless she will always come up behind me and put her arms around me,we sit together to watch tv or a movie,often we are like teenagers again.
    I am not embarrased anymore to talk to her about this erectile issue,we share every heart aching moment,i dont get angry anymore,of course i miss not being able to function as what i think a man should be,but then what is that?,it takes more then stripping off and producing an erection,then performing the act of love making,to say im a man,showing love and understanding for my wife and family,that is being a real man.
  • racyguy
    racyguy Community member Posts: 560 Pioneering
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    So, so true.
    Well put and agree entirely with your comments.
  • John4
    John4 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
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    Thanks Gents, I appreciate your comments. 
    Indeed, anonymity is the only way I could reach out. I simply cannot talk to anyone face-to-face.
    It's great to see that you are able to deal, and deal well, with this issue with your wives. They seem to understand you and that this is not of your doing and support you with it, no judgment about you at all. 
    I wouldn't put my situation as much different "per se". I simply cannot discuss this "issue" with my wife as I know I'll be judged..
    It's obvious that she knows something is wrong... I am avoiding contact as subtilty as I can as I fear it will happen again - not closeness as as couple - just the the lovemaking . As I say she knows something is up - but she doesn't say anything. She is very sensitive to up front conversations - I know this from the past.
    But, for this it is me that is fearful of what she will say or do. I already feel that this has torn my inside out, to then be rejected or seen as less. I'm not sure I want to put myself in that position.

    I have completed and huge amount of research on this now, Medical case studies from both the male and female perspectives. The stigma assigned to this "issue" for a man is shocking. Its not viewed as a ultra sensitive medical problem, more a laughable joke. 
    As I said earlier, You are very lucky to have such supportive wives, you must treasure that.
    Some of the accounts written in the studies from ex wives / girlfriends are certainly not so supportive.      

  • Spitfire22
    Spitfire22 Community member Posts: 12 Listener
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    Hi,
    I would like to add my experience of ED. I am a 52 y.o.male, who has suffered from ED for a fair few years, I am happily married,  for 8 yrs, had this problem before I met my wife.

    I went to my doctor, who referred me to a Specialist, who issued. me with Viagra, which I found never even worked for me, so then I was prescribed cialis (think, that is how it is spelt), which also never worked for me.
    Just to let you know that I have a slipped disc in my back, severe sciatica down right hand side of my body, nerve inpimgment damage in my neck, along with Epilepsy.

    After months of trying both viagra and cialis, and going back to my specialist, he gave me injections to try, which are injected into the penis  to help the blood flow, which will enable you to get an erection, 

    I didn't have much success with the injections, so my specialist advised me to have surgery,  to see if that will help me, by this time  I was wondering if their would be anything that the specialist would be able to do for me, so he suggested I have an inflatable penile prosthesis, which is a tube that is inserted into the penis under surgery and they insert a little pump into your testicles, which you squeeze, which will inflate the tube, which in turn will cause you to get an erection, I had that in for a few weeks  asy body rejected the foreign object in my body, so was rushed to hospital,  where it was removed under surgery, so I have nothing at the moment, still unable to get erections, which is frustrating for both myself and my wife, being epileptic have been told I can't even be hypnotised.
    Just thought that I would share my experience of ED

  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hello @Spitfire22

    Thank you for commenting on this thread and sharing your experience of ED. I know that it can be a subject that men can be uncomfortable with talking about so I really appreciate you opening up about it.

    It seems as though your doctor has been supportive of you and has tried everything they can to help you overcome and manage the ED, I'm sorry that nothing has worked so far for you, I can imagine how frustrated you must feel. 

    How are you and your wife managing? You mentioned that it has been frustrating for you both, which I understand, but have you been able to explore other ways of being intimate together? There can sometimes be a focus on penetrative sex, but of course there are many other ways of giving and receiving pleasure. Is it something your GP has advised you on?
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  • Spitfire22
    Spitfire22 Community member Posts: 12 Listener
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    Hello Ross,

    Thank you for your message. 

    Yes, me and my wife, have found other ways to be intimate with each other and other ways to pleasure each other, which works for us, as we have a loving relationship with each other
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