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My youngest leaving home

Muppets69Muppets69 Member Posts: 49 Connected
Hi my youngest is ready to fly the nest with her boyfriend we havent been getting on recently due to her dog she havent bothered with him since she met her new boyfriend the dog attacked me last year was in hospital for 9 days it was really bad my daughter got a good job her boyfriend is pushing her more away from me i dont get on with him shes 20 my other kids are 23 24 so shea the last one ive never really been on my own always had kids to look after ive got bpd bio polar so my thinking isnt normal if that makes sense wat do i do now wats ledt for me to do im 49 health not good wat do i do cause im scared of prospect of being lonely 


  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,210 Disability Gamechanger
    It must be hard to get to grips with your youngest leaving home especially if you dont get on with her boyfriend
    It maybe time you looked for something to do for you for a change not that I know what have you got any hobbies or interests to keep you busy

    Are there any social groups in your area that you could join, your daughter may be leaving home but your family can still visit or you can talk to them on the phone
  • Muppets69Muppets69 Member Posts: 49 Connected
    It is its horrible i had loads of friends but over the years i stopped going out really i lost a lot of friends its really scarey i feel so down and alone im so down its horrible i feel as if im not wanted no more its as if why am i even here if that makes sense 
  • OxonladyOxonlady Member Posts: 412 Pioneering
    Hi Muppets69. I sympathise with your feelings of fear of loneliness once all your children have left home. My son left home ten years ago, when he went to University and I still miss him a lot. I take strength from the thought that I brought him up to be strong and independent, so now I must allow him to lead his own life. 
    Meanwhile, four years ago I embarked on an Art Project and it's been very therapeutic for me. I still get times of despair and even asking "why do I bother to carry on", but then I look around at my canvasses and it gives me the upliftment I need.
    My point is that you owe it to yourself to look after yourself now, find things you enjoy doing, as Janer1967 also suggested, and even pamper yourself and enjoy being independent. 
    With regard to your daughter's dog, are you saying that your daughter intends to leave the dog with you? If so, you have the option of taking him to an animal sanctuary, where they could re-home him. You could learn to love him but this may be difficult if you are fearful of him. 
    Wishing you all the best. It's good that you've felt able to share your worries here. 

  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,210 Disability Gamechanger
    It does make sense but just because your kids have left home they still need their mum and you will always be that 

    Try mend bridges with your daughter before she leaves soand let her know your door is always open 
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,546 Disability Gamechanger
    edited July 2020
    I hope that if the dog attack put you in hospital for 9 days that someone had it put down (and don't start, i love dogs).
    Facing life in an "empty nest" is never easy even when there are two of you, so must be even worse if you're on your own.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • Muppets69Muppets69 Member Posts: 49 Connected
    Hi woodbine its my daughters dog we think he went into a fit but hes still with me im so nervouse just in case i get night mares as stupid as its sounds 
  • Lou67Lou67 Member Posts: 892 Pioneering
    Hiya I hope your good today, I get were your coming from my kids have all grown and left home, I’m also divorced now, when I was first on my own it was so strange, and at times I still get a bit lonely, but at times it’s nice and peaceful, as Jane sd your family can still visit, I’m hoping to get a wee dog for company after I get my knee replacements done, but I’m sorry if I had been attacked and hospitalised through a dog, I don’t think I could keep the dog with me, it will probably sense your fear, can your daughter not take the dog as it is hers, I hope you get it sorted take care 😊
  • christian96christian96 Posts: 101 Member
    Hello @Muppets69

    This is a good thing. I left home at 19 and I never looked back. Now I live in a flat which is quite near my childhood house. I still keep in contact with my parents who now live in Brighton near the seaside several miles away from me. It scared me a lot at first but I will admit that I have now gotten used to it slowly over the years which followed. You will always be their mom, remember that. Nothing will alter that fact. Why should it? Even though my parents live in Brighton, once a year I receive a birthday card and a gift from them in the mail. That makes me happy. 

    And please do remember to take care of yourself. Try keeping a diary of your feelings. What are your options? Have you researched supported living properties or not? That is a good place to start looking. I still try to meet up with my parents once a month at a cafe or restaurant and we also speak on the phone every week. You can do this. Have that inner self confidence that eventually things will be more than okay for you and your family as well. If you need more support though, then perhaps make a appointment to see a qualified therapist in your area. Good luck! You are in my prayers. 
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