Not being able to accept myself - Page 2 — Scope | Disability forum
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Not being able to accept myself

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Comments

  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Rechnin

    I was told outright that I would not be put forward for an assessment for autism. I did look into doing it privately but the cost was too high for me to afford.

    Regarding your last post though, while it may seem that you are no further it would seem that there has been some change at work. From your description of what took place it seems that they are asking you what changes you would like to see to help you sustain your job and carry on working. While many of the questions may seem pointless it will give them a clear picture of what areas you may need support and help in. 

    It took around a year for my employer to accept that I could keep the standing desk stand that I bought to enable me to cope better at work. In the end it was done on the basis as a local adjustment with my manager. One reason was they were into hot desking which would not work for us as we require two screens, and most desks have one monitor. They were also more strict on having people in the office and started removing the laptops from staff. Again, as it had been agreed with HR for several of our team members to work from home at times our manager was able to successfully argue that as several team members had this agreed accommodation that we could keep our laptops.

    The Coronavirus has changed a lot of attitudes. Expensive offices with insufficient desk space and other related expenses, plus the fact that many staff are more productive working from home has resulted in them becoming more flexible and opened minded. They have even surveyed the finance section employees as to their preference between home working and working from the offices when they re-open. No promises, but the fact that they are seriously considering this option is a huge step forward from where we were a year ago, and one I personally welcome.

    It works well for me, having a room I can work from, reliable fibre connection and an office space set up. 

    Thing is it can take time for these things to go through and be set up. Especially when it involves a change in the mind set of the management. I am fortunate in that I have a dream job, for me, for which I am paid well, but to be honest after five years I am also the happiest I have been with my employer. Okay so we have a major restructure coming up, which was delayed by the corona virus, but I have no control over that and so enjoying the moment. It is likely I will still have a job at the end, and if the changes go through it is possible that working from home will still be an option.

    There has been a lot of frustration along the way, and I can appreciate how you feel. But I would say from what you described that at least your employer is starting to listen to you and hopefully things will start to work out for you.  

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Rechnin, I hope the doctors go okay today. Fingers crossed that they will accept your request.

    Here is a piece that looks at what you can do if your employer rejects your request.

    Please do let us know how you get on. :)
    Scope

  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,488 Disability Gamechanger
    Thank you for sharing that @Geoark :) I'm really glad you're so happy in your job now. 

    I agree that Coronavirus has made many employers reconsider how they run things and the choices they should give to their employees, especially in regards to working from home. I think it's an interesting subject!
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  • Rechnin
    Rechnin Community member Posts: 89 Courageous
    @Geoark

    That is a shame, you should really push for an assessment and see if you can get help with one as it will take ages anyway.

    You are right, there does seem to be some changes, but, none of them have been to help me as such, they are all just to the changing environment and happen to help me at the same time.

    As for pointless questions, they were as they were all about when i can start working from home, what I need and if it would be unsuitable. There was no option to put "I already am".

    It is good that you employer, eventually, listened to you. I did my job perfectly fine for 2.5 years until they changed everything and it was only when i was at the point of being dismissed when they listened to me and they sent me for an OHC, and I totally think this was only to prove I was wrong.

    I used to hate hot desking as well, it took them some time to even get that in place and I would love to have my second monitor back! Did you have one of the funky riser desks? At least its sounds like you have a manager who is will to work and fight for your side of things, I think that is really important and can be a game changer.

    The whole world situation has changed, and that is why my current workplace has looked at home working, not for benefits to its staff.  It might even be the survey that you mentioned, as I work for a bank, which I completed.

    The same for me, I have a comfortable room on its own with a desk set up. I can seal my self off there ok and my net seems to be working fine.

    I hope you get what you wanted and can stay in the dream job you have at the moment. Sadly, there are many other factor what wills still be an issue for me at my work place and the mind set wont ever change. 

    We will see.
  • Rechnin
    Rechnin Community member Posts: 89 Courageous
    @Chloe_Scope

    The doctors went ok today, they are putting me through for my assessment and I am waiting for a response from work regarding working from home.

    Team Meal tonight which I am going to, but, can feel the stress rising.... 
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Tori_Scope

    I think it is a personal thing for most people. I know one of my colleagues suffered a great deal with the isolation and cannot wait to get back to work. For another it has made child minding a non issue. For me it would be easy to say I would prefer to work from home all the time, but my personal option was for one or two days at work, preferably a Tuesday as that is when our manager schedules in training for  us. 

    Travelling to and from work is, in itself, not a major issue as I go against the flow, and the train carriages are usually empty, on a busy day there may be three of us in one carriage. But it does mean walking to and from the station because buses are packed. What should be a 10 15 minute walk has taken me over an hour at times and greatly aggravates the sciatica.

    Plus the separate room and having a proper set up helps a great deal. 

    One concern I did have was the journey home always gave me time to separate work from home and provided a cooling down period, especially when I've had a very frustrating day, without that I wondered if I would take some of my frustration out at home. Fortunately this has not been a problem. But I can see that this could cause additional problems.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Rechnin

    Is your current situation of working from home a personal agreement with you and the company, or one that has come about because of Covid, with expectations of everyone returning to work at some point? If in anyway it is a temporary arrangement then the questions are relevant if they are looking to make it more permanent for you.

    Regardless the cause for the change, it has a huge potential to have a big impact. Once you accept that staff do not have to attend a place of work regularly you open up your potential pool of candidates. Potentially you could be in Scotland and apply for jobs in London and the other way round. It can also help to make jobs more sustainable for disabled people. I will take the wins where ever they come from.

    The one I have is a unit that sits on top of the desk. 

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,741 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Rechnin
    How did your team meal go?  Hope you are okay today :)
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  • Rechnin
    Rechnin Community member Posts: 89 Courageous
    Team Meal went ok, seems I am not the only one who is less than happy...

    Found out some more details about WFH and need to clarify these as it might be an issue,.


  • WorldsoldestNEET
    WorldsoldestNEET Posts: 42 Listener
    I h8 myself but I h8 everyone else more.
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,488 Disability Gamechanger
    Yes, it's definitely an individual thing @Geoark! I think it's good when employers take into account what their individual employees prefer as there are so many factors to take into account that vary from person to person, as you said. 

    My old neighbour had to start working from home and she would go on a walk every single evening, rain or shine, after she finished work so that it felt like she was walking home after work. Obviously that's not possible for everyone, but I think the principle is good. Even just leaving the room you work in, or getting some fresh air by standing outside of your home for a bit would have the same effect I think. 
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  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger
    @Rechnin it is the one thing I don't enjoy about working. It is not compulsory but there is an expectation, so pretty much the same. I am fortunate with my manager as she fully aware of this and some of the issues that I have with it. The worst for me is that all the noise becomes one white noise for me so while I am aware that people are speaking I cannot work out what they are saying. My manager did suggest I organise one of them, but quickly changed her mind when I said I would pop in and get the menu from Jenny's.

    It is made easier as the whole team are very supportive of one another and if I get up to get some fresh air its not a problem.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Rechnin
    Rechnin Community member Posts: 89 Courageous
    edited September 2020
    @Geoark

    I know how you feel, one of the problems I have with being in work is the noise around me and getting easily distracted but I also find it hard to interact with people unless I know them or have to do so. And this really count against you in a work environment. I also find the symptoms get worse worse the longer I have been somewhere.

    I have started to get out and take a walk, even if only for a short time, just to get away.
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger
    Fortunately I am old enough to get away with some of the things I say. I have a poor memory for names and faces so it can take me a while to learn who people are. Some of my colleagues were shocked that I did not know who someone was at work, they got a bigger shock when I told them there were too many people and if they are not important to what I do I cannot be bothered to remember who they are. Over the last few years I have done so many such gaffes that they just put it down to me being me.

    The longest I have managed to keep a job was just over ten years. Eight of those I was working nights on my own with very minimal contact with other people. Sadly when I could barely walk my daughter to school without being in tears, and then finding myself having to move a half tonne piece of equipment on my own I knew it was time to quit.

    As part of my agreement with my manager to help me cope in the office I can wear sound cancelling headphones, with some music playing. Other things, like my manager giving consideration of where I was seated and she keep an eye on me to see the early signs of when I am getting stressed helps a great deal as well.

    Over the years I have been through plenty of jobs, often giving them up when I got upset about something and could not get past it. These days I choose not to react immediately to something that upsets me. I leave it a few days to calm down before saying something. I think my poor memory may help, as most of the time I have forgotten it and moved on. The few times I haven't it is often something said or done without thought or intended to cause offence. It may not be right but my life is a lot happier and this is my second long running employer at 5 years.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    Thank you for your insight @Geoark, it's good to read some of the ways in which you've approached certain barriers.

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  • Rechnin
    Rechnin Community member Posts: 89 Courageous
    @Geoark

    Sorry to hear you were having similar issues and I sympathize. Its not easy.

    I have also bounced around various roles in the last decade or so before having my diagnosis and  often reacted in the same way, especially if I thought someone was being held up and others not.

    My diagnosis was made whilst with my current employer after a huge change in my role, and this is the longest I have been with any employer. I am hoping that they offer me working from home and put me on decent queues. 

    I have never thought of the faces thing before, but, I seem to fit on this as well and ofetn have to use the directory to find people.

    I have been told before I am "sarcastic" or "blunt" and I have tried to work on this but i am the sort of person who say things as it is.

    I like the stability and I really want to stay in a role for as long as possible, but, there has to be a point when I move on and hopefully don't go back to bouncing.

    Of course, this has all be made worse but the situation around us all,

Brightness

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