Would you date Someone with a Disability?

amsofly

My answer is Yes and Absolutely yes. Even if someone has a disability, they are still human, and they still have the qualities that make them as amazing as they are.

Everyone's unique, after all, and just because you have a disability doesn't mean that you shouldn't be loved, It simply means that perhaps you need more care, or that you need more help in one department, but it never means that you should overlook someone just because they have a disability. It's not our physical or mental qualities that make us worthy of being loved; it's the things that are within, the beauty and kindness and everything that makes you you.

So in short, yes I would, and I don't think that answer will ever change.

Cher_Alumni

I agree @amsofly

To me, being disabled is not something that would put me off dating someone at all.  People with impairments are equally as loveable as those without.  We fall in love with who we fall in love with, and to me a person's personality and ability to make me laugh tops everything!

amsofly

I totally agree with you @Cher_Scope too.

janer1967

Absolutely yes but having a disability myself and being in a wheelchair I couldnt really have a relationship with somebody who needs help to do more physical things .

I could still love them on a friendship level.

Love is about the person they are and even more so making you happy and just wanting to be with them in any circumstance

amsofly

Thats right @janer1967

Hugo_Lamb

Alright, I'll be completely honest about my experience of this and not sugarcoat it.  Since I became disabled two years ago, I've really struggled with dating relative to before.  I'm not saying this is necessary just because of the disability.  There are many other reasons that could explain it, maybe my confidence took a big knock or just the circumstances in my life changed (going from university into the working world).  

If I were to answer your question personally, I would say that I absolutely would date someone with a disability.  I doubt anyone would ever answer with a blanket 'no', but I do believe that many people would hold a preference for a partner who they deemed to be 'healthy'.  This has been the case since the dawn of time and likely always will.  However, we are fortunate that we live in modern society which can look beyond simply what evolution tells us.  While there undoubtedly will be many people who would hold a preference to date someone who isn't disabled, there are also many people that do indeed look beyond an individual's physical capabilities.  

I have certainly had circumstances where I believe (although I can never say 100%) I have not been given a chance because of my disability (I am visually impaired).  I have experimented with dating apps (yeah I know, what can I expect) with telling people on the app or in person and whether I would mention it in conversation and I would compare the initial reactions that I got.  There were a few that unmatched me right after I told them, and other times the conversation quickly died soon after.  What I did notice is that the less you make of your disability, the more comfortable they are likely to feel.  I am not here to say whether that is right or wrong, but I believe people get scared of disabilities and don't want the burden (especially if they have just met you).  

Another issue I have had is that I just can't meet people the way I used to.  When I could see normally, I could go to gigs and bars and meet people that way, but now it is an absolute nightmare just to stay with my friends and find the toilets let alone chatting someone up!  I think it's so important to have a group where you could potentially meet someone at, whether that be just a friend group, a club or whatever.  Since I moved to London and especially since I've been working from home, I've really struggled to be part of anything and haven't met any new people, which is one of the main reasons I'm here.  

Wow sorry for the long rant.  Hope that helps in some way, I know it's not what you probably want to hear but it is honest and based solely on my experiences, which by no means necessarily reflect the whole of society.  

Best of luck
Hugo

Cher_Alumni

@Hugo_Lamb
Thanks for sharing your story.  I'm sorry you have had some negative experiences and dating hasn't been easy since your vision worsened.

Are you a member of any clubs or interest groups?  Although I know lockdown has made it even harder to socialise too! 

newborn

There is some relationship between being, and looking,  whatever  is fashionably considered  attractive . But you will also have noticed loads of exceptions. It's almost certainly confidence that does the trick. 
An old lady neighbour  impressed  me, long ago, because she had high expectations from her husband,  who had needed to fight off fierce competition to get her to choose him, from the throng of admirers hoping to marry her.  In her youth, it wasn't a time when women were expected to pick and choose, or to be particularly well treated.    It wasn't a time, either, when polio survivors with walking problems, like her,  were expected to  even have hopes of having a boyfriend, let alone fighting off a crowd of them! 

[Deleted User]

Depends on the disability, if they had severe mental health problems it'd be a hard no from me, I have enough to deal with with my own issues without taking on somebody else's.

I have a very distant Cousin on Mum's side who's Schizophrenic and lives somewhere in secure accommodation.

MPowell_1991

i'm fortunate that my partner sees past my disability which is great, she embraces it, we both do. Like for instance when we met she would tell me that there's great benefits to dating me such as "front row parking" or "free cinema tickets" - some might take offence and that's fine, but that's just our sense of humour.

She loves me for WHO i am and not WHAT i am. She in no way judges me and encourages me whenever she can. We've been living together 14 months, we got together December 2018 and are due to get married This April (COVID permitting)

i've had my fair share of knock backs, i've had the whole "you're the perfect guy for a relationship but......" speeches too.

It takes time, but it's possible.

Lisatho11987777

My partner  has  schizophrenia  we have been together for 40years ge has treatment and he manages to hold down a job  and look after his son who has learning disabilitys  my partner is good  with his meds  so  I am happy I have lupus   it works for me 

hawkes12

I live alone five years now got copd could do with company but don’t know where to look 

Ross_Alumni

hawkes12 said:

I live alone five years now got copd could do with company but don’t know where to look 

Hello and welcome Have you considered the outsiders Dating and Social Club?

Waylay

My partner and I both have physical disabilities (chronic pain) and mental disabilities. We've been together for 8 years. We support each other, and we understand each other. 

DaddyBear

@Waylay yes I would date someone with a disability. I have Mental Health Problems, plus Chronic constant pain. I can understand what your saying. Fantastic Question.

[Deleted User]

For me it would depend what the disability is. People in relationships tend to shy away from communicating electronically and place emphasis on socialising outside together or with their peers. They expect their partner to have the ability to take part in the same social events that they would like to take part in. Not just for the activity per se but also the added complexity of social factors that comes with it.

Bella_S

A definite yes. I was once in a long term relationship with a man who had chronic back pain, depression and anxiety. We were together for 13years and yes, for many years I was his carer as well as his partner but when you love someone, you see past their disability. When you fall in love, you fall in love for their personality and appeal whatever that may be so having a disability should not be a problem, well it was not a problem for me in the past and would not be a problem with any future potential relationships.  

Ross_Alumni

Bella_S said:

A definite yes. I was once in a long term relationship with a man who had chronic back pain, depression and anxiety. We were together for 13years and yes, for many years I was his carer as well as his partner but when you love someone, you see past their disability. When you fall in love, you fall in love for their personality and appeal whatever that may be so having a disability should not be a problem, well it was not a problem for me in the past and would not be a problem with any future potential relationships.  

Well said, thanks for sharing  

Paul53

Hi everyone.
short answer to this question is yes of course I would. 

Everyone deserves respect no matter of disability colour or creed. We as a nation are becoming obsessed with how we look rather than the person behind the look. 

Personality and eventually love far outweigh a disability or colour of skin.
See who the person is and the rest really doesn’t matter.

paul