Dating and relationships
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Would you date Someone with a Disability?

amsoflyamsofly Member Posts: 29 Courageous
My answer is Yes and Absolutely yes. Even if someone has a disability, they are still human, and they still have the qualities that make them as amazing as they are.

Everyone's unique, after all, and just because you have a disability doesn't mean that you shouldn't be loved, It simply means that perhaps you need more care, or that you need more help in one department, but it never means that you should overlook someone just because they have a disability. It's not our physical or mental qualities that make us worthy of being loved; it's the things that are within, the beauty and kindness and everything that makes you you.

So in short, yes I would, and I don't think that answer will ever change.

Replies

  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,472 Disability Gamechanger
    I agree @amsofly

    To me, being disabled is not something that would put me off dating someone at all.  People with impairments are equally as loveable as those without.  We fall in love with who we fall in love with, and to me a person's personality and ability to make me laugh tops everything!
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  • amsoflyamsofly Member Posts: 29 Courageous
    I totally agree with you @Cher_Scope too.
  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 6,241 Disability Gamechanger
    Absolutely yes but having a disability myself and being in a wheelchair I couldnt really have a relationship with somebody who needs help to do more physical things .

    I could still love them on a friendship level.

    Love is about the person they are and even more so making you happy and just wanting to be with them in any circumstance
  • amsoflyamsofly Member Posts: 29 Courageous
  • Hugo_LambHugo_Lamb Member Posts: 12 Courageous
    Alright, I'll be completely honest about my experience of this and not sugarcoat it.  Since I became disabled two years ago, I've really struggled with dating relative to before.  I'm not saying this is necessary just because of the disability.  There are many other reasons that could explain it, maybe my confidence took a big knock or just the circumstances in my life changed (going from university into the working world).  

    If I were to answer your question personally, I would say that I absolutely would date someone with a disability.  I doubt anyone would ever answer with a blanket 'no', but I do believe that many people would hold a preference for a partner who they deemed to be 'healthy'.  This has been the case since the dawn of time and likely always will.  However, we are fortunate that we live in modern society which can look beyond simply what evolution tells us.  While there undoubtedly will be many people who would hold a preference to date someone who isn't disabled, there are also many people that do indeed look beyond an individual's physical capabilities.  

    I have certainly had circumstances where I believe (although I can never say 100%) I have not been given a chance because of my disability (I am visually impaired).  I have experimented with dating apps (yeah I know, what can I expect) with telling people on the app or in person and whether I would mention it in conversation and I would compare the initial reactions that I got.  There were a few that unmatched me right after I told them, and other times the conversation quickly died soon after.  What I did notice is that the less you make of your disability, the more comfortable they are likely to feel.  I am not here to say whether that is right or wrong, but I believe people get scared of disabilities and don't want the burden (especially if they have just met you).  

    Another issue I have had is that I just can't meet people the way I used to.  When I could see normally, I could go to gigs and bars and meet people that way, but now it is an absolute nightmare just to stay with my friends and find the toilets let alone chatting someone up!  I think it's so important to have a group where you could potentially meet someone at, whether that be just a friend group, a club or whatever.  Since I moved to London and especially since I've been working from home, I've really struggled to be part of anything and haven't met any new people, which is one of the main reasons I'm here.  

    Wow sorry for the long rant.  Hope that helps in some way, I know it's not what you probably want to hear but it is honest and based solely on my experiences, which by no means necessarily reflect the whole of society.  

    Best of luck
    Hugo
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,472 Disability Gamechanger
    @Hugo_Lamb
    Thanks for sharing your story.  I'm sorry you have had some negative experiences and dating hasn't been easy since your vision worsened.

    Are you a member of any clubs or interest groups?  Although I know lockdown has made it even harder to socialise too! 
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  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 621 Pioneering
    There is some relationship between being, and looking,  whatever  is fashionably considered  attractive . But you will also have noticed loads of exceptions. It's almost certainly confidence that does the trick. 
    An old lady neighbour  impressed  me, long ago, because she had high expectations from her husband,  who had needed to fight off fierce competition to get her to choose him, from the throng of admirers hoping to marry her.  In her youth, it wasn't a time when women were expected to pick and choose, or to be particularly well treated.    It wasn't a time, either, when polio survivors with walking problems, like her,  were expected to  even have hopes of having a boyfriend, let alone fighting off a crowd of them! 
  • MrAllen1976MrAllen1976 Member Posts: 1,232 Pioneering
    Depends on the disability, if they had severe mental health problems it'd be a hard no from me, I have enough to deal with with my own issues without taking on somebody else's.

    I have a very distant Cousin on Mum's side who's Schizophrenic and lives somewhere in secure accommodation.

  • MPowell_1991MPowell_1991 Member Posts: 15 Connected
    i'm fortunate that my partner sees past my disability which is great, she embraces it, we both do. Like for instance when we met she would tell me that there's great benefits to dating me such as "front row parking" or "free cinema tickets" - some might take offence and that's fine, but that's just our sense of humour.

    She loves me for WHO i am and not WHAT i am. She in no way judges me and encourages me whenever she can. We've been living together 14 months, we got together December 2018 and are due to get married This April (COVID permitting)

    i've had my fair share of knock backs, i've had the whole "you're the perfect guy for a relationship but......" speeches too.

    It takes time, but it's possible.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 1,544 Pioneering
    My partner  has  schizophrenia  we have been together for 40years ge has treatment and he manages to hold down a job  and look after his son who has learning disabilitys  my partner is good  with his meds  so  I am happy I have lupus   it works for me 
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