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A Befriender volunteer...

serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
Hi 

I don’t really have anyone to ask or discuss this with and I’m feeling really down..always wonder if it’s my fault or if I’m being reasonable or not..it’s playing on my mind...any comments appreciated 

after lots of research and much trying I managed to find an organisation who were able to provide a befriender, suffering with my mental health means I can isolate a lot and life can be pretty lonely...so I was delighted to say the least.....these days it’s not easy as most organisations don’t have the funding for befrienders ..
anyway it’s been going ok, chatting once a week by arrangement on the telephone, so she knows a bit around my struggles and we’ve enjoyed chats and laughs...we met for a lovely walk, she said she enjoyed it too..it was a relaxed walk, chatting about all sorts, and enjoying a coffee after wards, 

the last walk we arranged she had to cancel The day before and said she could do another Day a couple of days later but I said let’s arrange something when we next do our weekly chat...I understood she was busy and thought I wouldn’t force a walk that week, as things can happen that people can’t avoid..and sometimes appointments have to be broken,,
the weekly chat came around and she massaged to say she was at the shops and could she call in an hour...I felt disappointed But messaged to say ok that’s fine...I’m exhausted and wanted to have a sleep, not slept well,, but thought I should chat to her as we could arrange things,,Two hours have passed and still no call....I’m so disappointed, and feel so sad..the last thing I want to feel is a burden to someone. But it’s made me feel I am, she is a volunteer, and I realise that she gives what she can, but am I right to feel somehow it’s unfair...I always do my utmost not to let People down, I strive to be considerate and am always conscious whenever possible of others needs...
something I was delighted about is Turning out to make me feel so sad and more lonely than ever..

thanks for listening guys 🌺
 :)
Best Wishes
serenity2 

Replies

  • OxonladyOxonlady Member Posts: 243 Pioneering
    Hi Serenity2, sorry to hear that you are upset, and understandably so. 
    To be honest, I don't think I would take part in a Befriending Scheme again. I did, around 3-4 years ago and a well-known organisation sent a volunteer was was only allowed to come to my home for six sessions, exactly one hour each. The volunteer was lovely and we chatted about everything. She was not allowed to give me her phone number or have any contact beyond her allocated time. I felt that this was very contrived, normal friendships are not like this! So I'd rather be on my own.
    You may decide to continue with your scheme but in that case please don't take it personally and don't form an emotional attachment. That way, you won't feel disappointed if the volunteer can't attend. If you are more relaxed, they probably will be too. 
    Good luck.
    It's great that you made contact here, too. 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,013 Pioneering
    Hi @serenity2

    It's a shame that the befriender hasn't called you, although there may have been circumstances beyond their control that has caused them to not call. Hopefully they get back to you about it. 

    If you are enjoying it I would persist, it seems like it has really benefited your mental health being able to talk to this person. It's right not to become emotionally attached, but it's nice to have something to look forward to. If the befriender messaged you in the first place asking if they could call in an hour as they were at the shops, I'd consider that a good sign. It would have been more worrying if they'd not been in touch at all. 

    I hope they get back to you and you can carry on having the weekly interactions.  But please always remember that our online community is here as well, whenever you want to have a chat, as you have been doing in the football thread.
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  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    Thanks so much @Oxonlady

    it really helps to be validated and for you to share your experiences with me.
    i was tending to take it personal and it made me feel sad...
    I guess when ya alone it means such a lot when ya get let down. 

    As I was typing this to you, she called me and I reckon she’s just oblivious to how much it means to me to be let down...she was really nice and said her husband had asked her to go into town...
    I totally take on board what you say here and I’ve learnt a big lesson today ...
    in many ways. 

    appreciate your kindness And your real helpful input.
    thank you 🌻🌻
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • OxonladyOxonlady Member Posts: 243 Pioneering
    Serenity2, It's my pleasure, I'm glad you feel better.
    You might like to see the photo I've just posted on Lauren95's thread! It cheers me up, anyway.

    I'm sure you'll find that the more relaxed and casual you are with people the more relaxed they'll be with you. Take care. 
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    @Oxonlady I saw that lovely photo, it made me smile..thanks so much !
    🌻🌻
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    hi @Ross_Scope

    thanks so much for your reply.
    Only just seen it, apologies..

    yes I agree,
    and also it’s been so helpful to come along here today and chat and have an input to how I’m feeling...it really helps.
    i love my football as you can tell...I usually only watch my team, Liverpool but I’m watchin more of other games and got involved in watching champions league now too 😁 even tho liverpool not in it ...

    thanks again..🌻
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,013 Pioneering
    @serenity2
    Again, it's my pleasure, thank you for enriching the community with your contributions :) 

    I'm glad that the befriender called you back, hopefully it's something you can continue to enjoy. 

    Yes I've certainly learned today about your interest in football, which is fantastic. I'd definitely recommend checking out the dedicated football thread in the coffee lounge, there's quite a lot of good discussion over there.
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  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    thank you @Ross_Scope 😊
    I enjoyed the game yesterday evening too 😊

    more today 😊
    thanks for the tip around the football thread in the coffee lounge..I enjoy the football and it’s nice to chat to like minded people ...
    hooe your Sunday is a good one ! 
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,013 Pioneering
    @serenity2
    No problem :) 

    I hope you have a nice Sunday as well!
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  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,686 Disability Gamechanger
    @serenity2 is it not possible to join your local WI ?
    Apparently they’ve changed a lot over the years and are now very different. It’s probably possible to just sit in on one or two meetings just to see if you like it.

    another idea might be to become a befriender yourself if you could spare an hour or so a week, both distracting and you get a friend?
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,686 Disability Gamechanger
  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 6,200 Disability Gamechanger
    @serenity2 Glad you had a good day in the end and your befriender has been in touch 

    A great idea @leeCal for you to become a befriender yourself then it is you in the driving seat 
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