No point

harry01

I just feel like there is no point being alive. I did not want to ever even experience this. I get nothing out of living. No pleasure. 

I had a plan and it all went horribly wrong. I hate what happened to me. 

charlotte441

@harry01 what’s happened?

harry01

I can't even look after myself. My family don't believe me and I see no point in being alive.

Oxonlady

harry01, Why does your family not believe you? Do you have a physical or a psychological problem? Have you consulted your GP? Or any other professional?
I hope you feel you can share your feelings and thoughts with us. Life is always worthwhile, even when we don't see a light at the end of the tunnel for a while... An objective input from someone outside your family might help you see things differently. 

harry01

There is no name for what happened to me. There is no diagnosis. I've been treated as if I was fine for years. I've had enough. I think I put it down. I still can't physically brush my own teeth. Life was **** anyway with this 'disorder'. In the last two years I have had non stop pain I feel in my penis. I have had enough of living like this. 

Oxonlady

Constant pain is very difficult to live with and I agree that it's not taken seriously enough. People, including doctors, don't understand the full effects on the person who is in constant pain.

Do you suppose it's possible that you've had an infection? Viral infection in particular can leave you with chronic fatigue. Many people end up with M.E. after an infection. This happened to me in 1989 and I have suffered with it ever since as well as having other conditions. It's what is called "an invisible disability". Do you think that this could be a possibility? 

harry01

I read about ME and fibromyalgia. Both conditions had poor explanations. My one started from something I did to my back as young as 5 years old. Noone knows what happened. I then had these spasmic episodes at 21, then 25 and more recently at 33. It seems to tie on with my mental health. I got a list of garbage diagnoses from psychiatrists: schizoid personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder. As much as my mental health was and has been affected the physical spasms, pain are real physical symptoms. 

Big part was it's it's i on movement. My muscles painfully contract. I had difficulty brushing my teeth even before I injured my arm. They didn't help me so I was powerless to help myself. 

Oxonlady

harry 01, could you speak to your GP again and ask to see a back specialist and a pain clinic? Maybe even a neurologist, who could investigate the weakness and spasms.
Your mental health is bound to be affected by constant pain but that doesn't mean that the possibility of a physical problem should not be explored. 

Good luck, I wish you all the best with this and I hope you can find understanding doctors. 

Chloe_Alumni

Hi @harry01, it sounds like things are really tough at the moment!

How are you currently doing? I am concerned by your mention of a plan and I just want to ensure your safety.

janer1967

Hi @harry01 I am sorry you are feeling like this and it isd good to talk and we are here to help you.

We cant take the pain away but try and support you

Have you tried any alternative therapies like acupuncture or seen a chiropractor or physio, maybe they can help

Tori_Scope

Hi @harry01 I just wanted to check in to see how you were getting on today? 

Oxonlady

Hi Harry01, how are things with you? I hope you are coping. Please let us know how you are, when you feel up to it. 

harry01

@janer1967

I tried a lot of alternative treatments.

Massage therapy could have treated the problem but for my mental health. It's an odd problem but I was looking up 'functional disorders' as I had the greatest issues with pain with these spasmic episodes. You then lose an awful lot of movement. It's slightly odd. 

As I described I later injured my right shoulder and didn't have the movement to brush my teeth. This is still the case. To be honest it's the psychological impact of having that happen. I am happy with the label 'functional disorder'. I hope to get better. I have just had all of this together for 31 years. I think there may be relevance to the age I did the thing to my back and how children respond to pain. 

@janer1967 hi,

I went through a whole list of alternative therapies that involved the ones you mentioned. 

@Tori_Scope thanks for asking.

@oxenlady I just found the last few years incredibly difficult. 

Oxonlady

Harry01, Sorry to hear that you've had so many problems for so long. 

I do sympathise with regards to your shoulder pain. In the last six years I've had two bad falls and my left shoulder took the brunt of both. Scans have shown a combination of problems, including a torn tendon. In the last year the pain has got worse and if I try to move my arm it feels as if it's coming off the shoulder joint. Yet I've been waiting since last year to see a specialist. 

Have you had any scans on your shoulder or spine? Is your GP sympathetic?
People shouldn't be expected to live with chronic pain. 

Please let me know if there's anything I can help you with, I'm a good listener! 

harry01

Thanks @Oxenlady,

I never had a scan on my shoulder. I didn't care so much about the pain in my shoulder but it was the amount of movement I lost. Eventually when this dragged on it psychologically traumatised me.

You get no sleep, just severely stressed with pain in your mouth. Even puts you off eating. I presume it's stress but I weighed 12 stone but then lost 2 stone going through.

I lot of the response was psychological but you can't believe what you're experiencing. You can't separate the pain from the emotion that comes with it. I think the horror at losing the physical movement to do something so basic really added to it. 

Oxonlady

My opinion would be that you need to get the shoulder checked out, there must be a reason why your movement is restricted, Harry01. I can barely move my left arm and I know it's because of the shoulder injury. You could also have a trapped nerve. Lack of movement won't help in the long run. There may well be a physical reason that can be treated. If so, surely this would also improve your psychological state?
I would certainly be happier if I knew exactly what's causing my pain and limited movement. I'm due to see a specialist at the end of September. 

harry01

@Oxenlady I wish I shared your confidence in specialists. I can always ask but I did speak to several doctors at the previous practice from 2014-2019. And it would be s bit odd for them to withhold an option that would treat a problem otherwise. 

harry01

I saw physios. I use the shoulder exercises. It's helped but not nearly enough. The only other treatment I'm aware of is corticosteroids but I presume the evidence for them is weak since the GP would offer this to begin with. 

Oxonlady

Harry01, the infuriating thing with doctors is that a problem can be left to go on for months and years without a proper diagnosis and then they simply label it "chronic" and then they don't have to do anything about it!
To use the example of my shoulder pain again, it would not have become such a long-term problem if I'd seen a shoulder specialist in the past three years! I was refered to physio but I haven't enough strength and range of movement in the first place to do the exercises! And it can't be right to feel as if the arm is coming out of its socket!

It may be worth approaching your GP and asking if you can be referred for an assessment on your shoulder. Surely they can't just label it as a psychological problem? 

harry01

Well, whatever the cause they didn't discuss how I was going to invent movement to brush my teeth. And the nightmare, flipping I'll just euphemistically call it pelvic pain. That's flippin horrid. If I hadn't had that I could just about cope.

They had the police over because someone thought I was going to kill myself or something. I was puzzled but I just told them that it had been really bad. I'd go further but you're not going to mention that pelvic pain. It's so horrible. That's caused by this gingivitis but I don't understand quite how.

It was the worst thing I ever felt. 

Oxonlady

Unfortunately most people don't understand what severe, unrelenting pain is like. How it can get to your mind. 
I wish I could help, Harry01, because I know what it's like to be screaming in pain, only to be told "be quiet, you are scaring the other patients", not "let's see how we can help you"! And that was in A&E...