Help needed for adult son with hemiplegia — Scope | Disability forum
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Help needed for adult son with hemiplegia

Sparklie
Sparklie Member Posts: 5 Listener
Hi Everyone, my adult son has a hemiplegia and I’m looking for a bit of support to help me help him.

Comments

  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,414

    Scope community team

    Hello @Sparklie and welcome to our online community.  I'm glad you found us.

    Just to get a better picture of how we can help, what difficulties are you experiencing and what kind of support are you looking for?  

    I know other members of our community have hemiplegia and @_theslytherincat19 posted a thread just recently with a link to her YouTube videos about hemiplegia and CP.  
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  • Sparklie
    Sparklie Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Hi Cher, thanks for replying
    My son is now 43 years old and as a family we are all deeply worried about him. The circumstances of his life are very difficult and we fear he is sinking into depression. He doesn’t work and lives alone in a 1st floor flat. He is finding increasingly difficult to manage the stairs and is trying to arrange an exchange or transfer. He is also at loggerheads with his upstairs neighbour and has been subjected to noise and aggression from him. He has admitted he hates being at home.
    He is in constant pain and is waiting for an operation (which has been scheduled and then cancelled 3 times). He has recently been in contact with his GP who is referring him for further Xray investigation.
    He is still single and very lonely. He spends a lot of time going around various members of the family each day and although we cannot hurry along the move or the operation, we all suggest ways he could open up his social life but he doesn’t seem interested in even trying.
    I managed to persuade him to try counselling but he only went for 1 session.
    On a positive note he does have a car so he is mobile.
    We all love him but this is putting a strain on the rest of the family, we all want to help but we just don’t know how.
    Any advice would be welcome

    Sparklie
  • Ross_Scope
    Ross_Scope Posts: 5,005

    Scope community team

    Hello @Sparklie and welcome to the online community :)

    Sorry to hear about the troubles you and your son are going through, it must be a very challenging time for your family. I hope that others on the community will be able to offer their advice or experiences relating to the issues you mention.

    Firstly, I'm glad to hear your son is trying to move, it sounds like where he's living at the moment is far from ideal. Have you, or your son, reported the concerns about the neighbour to the housing provider? I hope he will be able to find a more suitable place to live quickly. 

    I appreciate it's hard to encourage somebody into having a better social life when they don't seem particularly interested in doing so. What are his hobbies? Finding people with similar interests is always a good place to start when trying to expand a social circle.

    Was there a reason why he only attended one of the counselling sessions? Perhaps the format wasn't to his liking or he didn't gel with those running the session, it might be worth trying again but in different circumstances. 

    I'm glad he can at least drive to get himself about :) Although I imagine the pandemic won't have made it easy to help him out in certain areas.

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  • jaknit
    jaknit Member Posts: 27 Connected
    even some health professionals struggle to understand hemiplegia. walking difficulty yhey cheerfully offer a stick so you can go shopping, but if you holding stick how do you carry your shopping. i recently had problem at local hospital with orthotics, ordered a brace that needed 2 hands to fasten. I moved into single story accommodation and it helped a lot not dealing with stairs, there are sometimes volunteer groups who arrange days out, try local authoriyt directory, when i did it was stuff for elderly but you might have more luck. you son is not alone
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 2,922

    Scope community team

    @Sparklie I'm sorry to read that your son and family are going through such a difficult time. Have you mentioned this community to him? He would be very welcome and it would give him the opportunity to talk to people in similar situations. We also run a virtual cafe on a Monday evening.
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  • Sparklie
    Sparklie Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Hi Everyone, thank you so much for taking the time to respond. 
    To answer your questions yes, the problems with his neighbour have been reported and the council have taken this up with the person concerned but the issue has been going on for a few years and my son is at the end of his tether with it.
    His hobbies revolve around going to the cinema and watching films. He was part of our regular quiz team but of course, that currently on hold due to Covid.
    He went for a face to face counselling session but said he didn’t feel at ease with the counsellor and that is crucial for the counselling to be of any benefit.
     I will try & bring up the subject again with him, are there any counsellors who might offer sessions via the internet that you could suggest?
    He does have a splint and has regular injections to help loosen his leg but recently the pain has shifted and the splint seems to be exerting pressure in a different place which is exacerbating the problem. 
    I will try to raise the subject of this group and see if I can’t persuade him to join. It would be wonderful for him to get involved with something and make some new friends (even just chatting online).
    As his Mum it breaks my heart to see him so unhappy and I wish I could wave a magic wand to make his life better. 
    Thank you all so much for your concern and suggestions.
  • jaknit
    jaknit Member Posts: 27 Connected
    there have been online quiz nights during lockdown a group called Lancashire Hotpots did one, facebook has 'live' events as well ,maybe you could find something there. lock down has been so hard sometimes, hopefully cinemas will reopen soon.
  • Ross_Scope
    Ross_Scope Posts: 5,005

    Scope community team

    edited September 2020
    Thanks for your detailed response @Sparklie, how are you doing today? 

    Sorry to hear that reporting the concerns about the neighbour didn't help, hopefully your son can get a different place to live soon.

    Cinemas aren't open fully but they are at least partially open, and there's always the option of local or online movie clubs, which I'm sure there will be in your area. It's quite a nice hobby to have really, if he wanted to there's probably many opportunities out there to meet people through his love for cinema and film.

    I can't suggest any particular counsellors or services because it's not an area I have any experience in, but your son's GP or health professional should be able to advise on this, or I'd imagine that any good local counselling service will be offering remote sessions at the momen. 

    As suggested above, it would be a great idea for your son to join this online community and get invovled.

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  • Sparklie
    Sparklie Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Hi Ross, apologies for the delay in responding, it’s been a busy day.
    I really think my son would benefit from joining this group to show him that he’s not the only one in his situation.
    Counselling via the GP can take such a long time to arrange, we’re happy to meet the cost, it’s just finding the right counsellor for him.
    I’ll have a chat with him and see if I can persuade him, but  reaching out is often the most difficult step to take.
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 2,922

    Scope community team

    edited September 2020
    @Sparklie
    You are absolutely right when you say that reaching out is the hardest step to take. I know an excellent therapist who lives with CP herself. I could email you the details if you would like? 
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  • Sparklie
    Sparklie Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Hi Richard, that would be great.
    I just need to pick the right moment to raise the subject with my son.
    Thank you so much 🙂
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 6,088

    Scope community team

    Hey @Sparklie

    I'm glad everyone's been able to offer you lots of useful advice.

    I just wanted to direct you towards this article, which I think has some useful tips on how to bring up the idea of therapy to a loved one. 
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