Dad has rare form of Melanoma

MobileGames

Morning. Apologies in advance for the long post. I don't know if this is the right place to post this. My dad has recently been diagnosed with a rare form of Melanoma. After having a blood test,3 X-rays,a chest CT Scan,an ebus and a CT Scan of his head,he's been diagnosed with Melanoma,Stage 4 which has spread to both lungs,surrounding lymph nodes and part of his brain. He saw the oncologist on the 13th of this month and started targeted therapy on the 21st of this month. He takes Dabrafenib and Trameinifib. He's also having to inject every evening up until March next year to try to disperse a blood clot on the lung,as well as taking oral blood thinners. He's had to give up driving after 60 years. He's tired,feels weak,feels sick,fed up and has no appetite. I coax him to eat a bit. Some days are better than others. He says that even food commercials put him off food. I'm concerned because he says he feels weak and shaky and he's starting to lose weight. I don't want to nag him though. I think he may be depressed as well. I don't know what to do. I help out round the house and mum and I remind him to take his meds and I leave water out for him to try to keep him hydrated. It's so upsetting to see and stressful. He's lost all interest in things. I can't drive so i can't take him out. He only gets out for appointments or when my sister comes over once a week,she drives. They go out in the car with her,(wearing a mask). I feel helpless watching my dad go through this. I feel anxious,scared,worried and sad, and living with parents who are both vulnerable during Coronavirus,(mum's type 2 diabetic and injects twice a day and has osteoarthritis of the spine),is very worrying. I have depression,anxiety and ocd and feel sad and tense most days. The only time I feel relaxed is when I'm watching the TV in the evenings or when I see a mate,(wearing a mask and keeping my distance when taking it off to have a mug of tea or squash(take my own mug with me),then put my mask back on. If I need the toilet at theirs,I use kitchen roll that's in my bag to dry my hands with and i turn the tap off with my elbow,then sanitise my hands afterwards as well. when I get home, I dispose of my face mask in the bin,then wash my hands. I wear a face mask when going for a walk as well. I wash my hands after putting the rubbish out and use my elbow to open the front door with. I wipe down surfaces after receiving the food shopping delivery,then wash my hands. I check use by dates on their food. I wash my hands before helping mum with lunch or dinner. I change the towels in the kitchen, toilet and bathroom regularly. I try to be as careful as I can. Any advice would be most welcome please. Thank you. 

chiarieds

I'm very sorry to read about your Dad @MobileGames - it sounds like you could all do with some support right now. It might be an idea to contact Macmillan Cancer Support. Please see: https://www.macmillan.org.uk/

There's a lot of advice on their website.

As far as being careful about the risk Of Covid-19, it sounds like you are being super careful. & doing all the right things.

I hope you know that everyone here will continue to support you in the community, so do keep in touch, & let us know how you're getting on/feeling.  

MobileGames

@chiarieds. Thank you. I'm going to go on line later and contact them. 

janer1967

Hi @MobileGames I am really sorry to read your situation and your dads illness 

As suggested I would contact Mc millan as they are the experts and offer support for your dad as well as family members 

I admire how you are trying to support your parents and the steps you are taking to keep them safe 

We are also here to help and support you 

MobileGames

@janer1967. Thank you. It's very worrying. I don't want to come across as molly codling him. He gets annoyed when I try to help too much,especially over the food and his lack of appetite and asking if he's taken his anti sickness tablet. It's hard to step back. I feel like I'm being like a mother. I shouldn't really keep fussing. I just want to help protect him. 

janer1967

@MobileGames It is inly natural you want to care for him but it will be hard for him too as he is used to taking care of his children and not the other way round

Make sure you have some me time everyday to keep your spirits up as that will only help your parents as well

Chloe_Alumni

Hi @MobileGames, really sorry to hear this! I cannot imagine how hard this is for you all. The community are here if you need someone to talk to. I hope Macmillan can offer you and your family support.