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Things not to say...
Tori_Scope
Community Team Posts: 2,780 Disability Gamechanger
I'm sure some of you will have seen them before, but BBC Three have a series of videos on 'things not to say to...' different people.
TW: some of the things the participants read out might be triggering to you, so viewer discretion is advised.
Here is the link to the full playlist, but I've pulled out a few examples below.
Things not to say to:
TW: some of the things the participants read out might be triggering to you, so viewer discretion is advised.
Here is the link to the full playlist, but I've pulled out a few examples below.
Things not to say to:
- someone who uses a wheelchair
- someone with cerebral palsy
- a blind person
- a deaf person
- an autistic person
- people with Dwarfism
- someone with depression
- people with Tourette's Syndrome
What do you think of the videos? Do you think that they help to break down stereotypes? Have you ever had any of these things said to you?
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Replies
I watched the video about depression and I can relate to some of the things people have said.
I would add the following things which I do not find helpful:
”Pull yourself together”
”You need to move on”
”Just forget about it”
“Going forward” which I find to be a really irritating phrase which is used by people when they don’t want to listen to what I am trying to say.
I hate it when people say "smile, it might never happen". Well too jolly late, it already has happened and you have no idea the pain I'm in nor the anguish. And you'll never know just how hard I've tried to keep it together, through gritted teeth, never mind a smile...
Sorry, I had to let off steam there...
I don’t think that you need to apologise at all and I agree with your comments.
I am sorry to hear about the pain you are going through.
Unfortunately many people just don’t understand or even try to understand. I would rather someone said that they don’t know how to help me or that they didn’t understand rather than saying something meaningless.
Another thing that I cannot stand is when someone asks how I am and doesn’t mean it or walks away before I can reply. I believe that if someone asks someone how they are then they should actually mean it otherwise they shouldn’t bother asking.
It’s not only what people say as it’s also their body language which includes rolling people rolling their eyes if I try to explain how I feel. It becomes quite obvious when someone is not interested in listening.
Are you still in the same situation or has the bully moved out of your work situation? It's annoying when people, such as managers, don't take action when they should. And I totally agree, if people ask how you are, they should have the decency to listen to the truth.
In my case, I've had severe, chronic pain due to various health conditions, to the point where it's now affecting my memory, speech and mood.
I wish the medical profession could understand how badly severe pain can affect a person's mental as well as physical well-being. and offer a wider choice of pain relief.
As for people telling you to "move on", a little understanding would go a long way!
Someone could call me something very “offensive” with no intention of insulting me and it would not matter to me, whereas on the other hand somebody could call me something really mild like a “silly sausage” with the intention of offending me and I would be offended, not by the phrase they used but by the fact they wanted to offend me.
Unfortunately the bully is still employed because his behaviour has been covered up my several managers for many years. He is at a different location but I dread seeing him again.
I am sorry to hear about the chronic pain that you have suffering from. Have you asked to be referred to a pain clinic?
I have Rheumatoid and Osteoarthritis so I can understand about pain. However, in my case I coped very well especially when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid. However, I know many people with Rheumatoid also suffer from mental health issues because it can cause chronic pain. I didn’t have mental health issues before I was bullied and I already had enough to cope with because I had Rheumatoid and Osteoarthritis. I didn’t need or want any other health conditions. However, as a result of being bullied and harassed I have ended up with PTSD😞
I just avoid people who tell me to move on because if I actually ask them how I am expected to do this, they rarely have an answer.
This looks an interesting post. I will take a look at the videos as I bet there is something I can relate to. One thing I have had said to me is: you dont look as if you have anything wrong with your vision.
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