Respectful debates

66Mustang

Something that came to mind after reading a few recent threads.

I just want to say that being an online forum we need to remember that we here are all from different backgrounds, have different beliefs, different attitudes to life, etc.

Naturally these will clash when brought together on a public space like this forum.

No one person is correct or incorrect.

It’s OK to have disagreements, and it is OK to attack someone’s argument as this leads to healthy discussion and debate, but it is not OK to attack someone personally.

Just something I learnt from doing philosophy.

I hope it is helpful.

Thank you

janer1967

@66Mustang good point but it's not very often I think people are making a personal attack but more how it us perceived by the other person 

It is always hard when its just written language to pick up in the intention as there is no voice to hear it gauge the tone if the message 

So yes we need to be mindful of how we put things and not try to cause offence 

It is hard as a champion to sometimes give advice to then have the member just keep putting up defences to the advice when all we are trying to do is offer possible solutions 

Ami2301

Well said @66Mustang

woodbine

Totally agree @janer1967 sometimes giving advice is like hitting your head against a brick wall.
But I do believe that the vast majority of threads/post are respectful of other people and try very hard not to cause offence.

Some forums I've used over the last 25 years were nothing but slanging matches and online bun fights.
Long may scope continue to be a space full of peace and relative harmony.

However @66Mustang i'm not sure I like being told how to behave, and it would probably drive me away from scope if I wasn't able to behave in a manner I see fit, I am perfectly capable of knowing what is right and what is wrong on the internet especially in my advancing years and after 25 years of using online forums.

poppy123456

Everyone has their own opinion and everyone is entitled to voice their opinion. However, when that opinion is mis-information that can lead to other members thinking that's correct then it's not ok and should be pointed out and corrected. When threads are then left open and that information hasn't been removed then there's problems, especially for new members that come here and maybe search for other threads because some people do when coming to a forum for the first time.

I also agree that sometimes someone's comment is percieved differently to what it was intended as and text speak is extremely hard to read sometimes.

Yes, people come here for help and advice but perhaps they didn't quite get the advice they thought they might and don't like the advice they were given, it happens alot on many forums, we can't please everyone.

People also expect advice when they have given very little information and when you ask for more information that member doesn't like it because they think you're being nosey or you're prying for information.

What people mustn't forget and this often happens is those that do give advice are doing it in their own spare time, for free. The same members then come back time after time, after time and ask the same questions again and again, even though you've spent huge amounts of time previously giving them advice. This is extremely frustrating.

The fact is, you can't always "tip toe" around people.

chiarieds

Tbh @66Mustang - whilst seeing where you're coming from, I think any perceived differences in a person's background/beliefs/attitudes, etc. are mitigated by the fact that we have more in common due to having disabilities. I think this is why this is a good community.

Also, depending on what the discussion is about, sometimes comments are factually correct, which another can of course disagree with, but, & I say this with the utmost respect, it's not always that, 'no one person is correct or incorrect.' We are asked to give factual info, so it's sometimes difficult when another vehemently disagrees with you, which happened on a thread you may have seen where I commented recently. As other people may read a post later, it's therefore why sometimes myself & other members try to stress the accuracy of what we say, otherwise it may also lead to confusion for the original poster.

I totally agree that no-one should attack you personally, as I've been on the receiving end of that in the past, which has hurt; one member accused me of 'disability discrimination,' as he didn't agree with me. I was also 'spammed' twice one evening, the only good outcome of that being that the 'spam' button was removed due to it's mis-use at the time. I've considered leaving Scope on a couple of occasions due to some downright abuse, & other issues, but the community matters to me.

If I have inadvertently ever caused offence, I apologise; this was never my intent.

poppy123456

@chiarieds in all the time i've known you here on the community i have to be totally honest and i've only ever known you to be extremely helpful and polite with everyone.

chiarieds

Thank you @poppy123456 - I must admit, I did it yet again, & left my post open, so didn't notice yours until after I'd posted. I think we were both saying some similar things.....it really is important to correct mis-information.

This community, I feel, is here for both support & advice; that advice should be factual wherever possible. I find that certain members have the patience of a saint trying to ensure that, & that includes Poppy. Just to add, I have the utmost respect for @woodbine, & really thought he couldn't possibly have caused any concern.

poppy123456

Thank you @chiarieds. No worries, it happens to me all the time. I always add links to prove my advice is correct where ever possible. The last thing i want is to give a member incorrect advice.

I'll 2nd that utmost respect for @woodbine. Such a kind hearted lovely man!

woodbine

@chiarieds and @poppy123456 thank you both for those kind words, such a nice way to start the new year.

chiarieds

You're most welcome @woodbine - & I mean every word. Happy New Year to you & 'senior management.'

poppy123456

You're very welcome @woodbine. "Senior management" always makes me laugh.

woodbine

@chiarieds and all the best from myself and "senior management"

woodbine

poppy123456 said:

You're very welcome @woodbine. "Senior management" always makes me laugh.

As she does me, that's why we've been married 40 years this year 

lisathomas50

<moderator removed - inappropriate content>

janer1967

@lisathomas50

Exactly the type of comment this was supposed to highlight wasnt acceptable 

Personal attacks 

Cher_Scope

Hi everyone,

I think it's important to reflect on this thread as we enter 2021.  Scope's online community is first and foremost an inclusive space where people often arrive stressed, highly emotive and looking for a supportive ear.  Being a place predominantly for disabled people, our members also have a wide range of impairments including cognitive and emotional conditions that may mean they communicate differently, may appear blunt or rude, or express themselves differently as to social 'norms'.  Although this can be testing, its essential that everyone feels comfortable to air their thoughts without judgement, unless what is being said clearly breaches the content permitted in our online community guidelines.  In this event, please use the report button so the community team can act accordingly and as speedily as possible! 

If 2020 taught us anything, it's that human connection matters.  So to keep this community a warm and welcoming space, please bear in mind these points from the 'Things to keep in mind' thread:

Before you respond to a post think:

• Am I feeling preoccupied, anxious, inadequate, physically uncomfortable and tired? Am I making assumptions?

• Do I feel a strong urge to be right rather than looking to offer advice, help find solutions, support and empathise with the other person?

• Am I looking at the post from my point of view, rather than the other person’s?

• Is it worth engaging and potentially making a bad situation worse? Should I step away and perhaps report the post?

Thank you for reading and let's make 2021 a good one 

lisathomas50

Heres to a better year