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Language disorder making me feel down

Marie88

Hi, I posted something similar a few months ago and really struggling with this at the moment. My language disorder is making me feel really alone at the moment and especially after 2020 I’ve realise just how down I feel about it. It really impacts my social skills and makes it so hard to make friends, I’m in my early 30s and wish I had some friends of a similar age. I just wondered if anyone can relate to this?

I’m trying to get a diagnosis for what I think Is DLD (development language disorder) but it’s proving difficult and think I’ll probably have to pay for a private assessment which I can’t afford at the moment.

I have issues with language and communication, both written and spoken and I feel I have slow processing speed. I can’t form opinions quickly or easily so I really struggle in conversations and am always very quiet. People have called me rude and anti social in the past, which is so far from the truth, but I know I must appear that way on the outside but I really am not on the inside. I just find it so difficult to communicate easily and talk in proper sentences. I’ll often lose my words mid sentence or won’t be able to think of anything to say. l mainly think I’m images or feelings, It’s hard to explain but it makes expressing and explaining myself to others very hard. I find it difficult to keep up with what people are saying and don’t always understand them. My vocabulary isn’t great either and I forget the meaning of words or can’t understand the context in which they are being used. I also get the word on the tip of my tongue a lot too. I have had a lot of negative social experiences in the past so I gave up trying to make friends a few years ago and have avoided social situations as much as possible since. I struggled speaking to my loved ones too so know it’s not just a result of anxiety. I feel very grateful to them as my mum and partner often help me with some of my written communication, like texts and emails, as I struggle with written communication too. It takes me a long time to get my thoughts in order, for example I’ve spent the best part of an hour writing and editing this post. It gets very frustrating and is getting me down at the moment.

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Comments

Cher_Alumni

Hi @Marie88

I really appreciate you taking the time to put that post together. I know it isn't easy to open up so thank you for trusting us with your private feelings. We really want to help you through this and we are all here for you, so please don't ever be lonely, one of us is always around 24/7.

You mentioned that it's looking like you might have to go private for help. Have you tried referring yourself to the local NHS Speech and Language Therapist via your GP or online? It can generally be done over the internet if you google, ''Adult/teenage NHS speech and language therapy + the name of your area'. I'm guessing you might have explored this already but if you haven't, give it a go

As for making friends, are you a member of any groups around shared interests on social media? I find that's a nice way of meeting like-minded people. Also, once lockdown is over (!) could you join a local gym? It's hard isn't it because it often involves going out of our comfort zone to meet new people, but maybe small steps at first could help.

I hope you are okay and have a big squeezy virtual hug from me

Marie88

Thanks @woodbine, I really appreciate your reply (I edited the post again after posting it as I wasn’t happy with it). Everyone here seems so nice and I don’t feel judged on here. I’m worrying about the future and my job situation too as I’ve been on furlough since the first lockdown. I’m trying to use this time productively, like doing my online course which I may have mentioned before. I’m also trying to read more and do a bit of drawing which I enjoy. Some days I find it hard to motivate myself though.

chiarieds

Hi @Marie88 - I would just like to say, please be yourself.....don't hide things, as that can't be easy, & obviously affects you. You might not realise it, but you communicate your thoughts very well with the written word. Perhaps you're also a bit of a perfectionist, so have edited your post....it's hard putting your thoughts into words, & I'm not sure any of us can do that very well.

I remember reading your posts last year. I think perhaps your confidence has been knocked, & this pandemic has been pretty bad for most people.

My daughter is dyslexic, & struggled with English at school....she knew words, but couldn't remember how to spell them, which both meant her vocabulary 'appeared' limited, & frustrated her. My son is slow with fine motor skills we found after he was seen by a neuropsychologist. My daughter now works as a travel agent, & my son enjoys working in a shop.

My point is, I feel you write well. Perhaps use this as a way of communicating by email to your GP about your concerns to try & get a referral. Also mention the pain you experience; this doesn't help, & needs looking into.

Lastly, may I ask if you did try Scope's 'Support to Work' programme? This helps people find appropriate work, & I've heard such good things about it, & the team.

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing enormously well, & just need a little help & support, which I feel Scope can offer. Hope this may help.

dolfrog

As I mentioned in one of your previous posts, this sounds like the temporal type of Auditory Processing Disorder, which is about the brain having problems processing what the ears hear.
The temporal type of APD is one of the underlying cause of developmental dyslexia, and the UK Medical Research Council's APD research program 2004-2009 was suggesting the Auditory Processing Disorder is the same thing that speech and language describe as Specific Language Impairment (SLI) which has recently been remarketed as Developmental Language Disorder.

The brain having problems processing the sounds that the ears hear, makes processing sound based communication options very difficult if not impossible. So using sound based communication such as speech, and the visual notation of speech, the written word. difficult or impossible.
Language is about the structures of sounds humans have developed in each language, and various communities then make more variations of each language in dialects and accents. We are using the English language which is one of the more complicated languages in the globe due to the UKs history of the last 2 milenia (thousand years) and also due to it being used in many other countries where they have their own interpretations dialects and accents.

Auditory temporal issues related to having problems processing the gaps between sounds which can include the gaps between words in rapid speech. having a poor auditory memory, having problems following conversations, having problems following multiple verbal instructions, making spelling mistakes, not being able to sound out new words from text, and many other related issues.

I was the first adult in the UK to be diagnosed as having Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) back in 2003, and all of my family 3 adult sons and my wife also have a diagnosis of having APD.
You may find some of my Evernote Auditory Processing Disorder web pages help explain these issues in more detail and they include links to some of the supporting international research papers

Some International Auditory Processing Disorder Research Papers (listed country by country)

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s329/sh/f5a4fffb-bf47-491b-97e3-e3cbee583af6/514394d1b0bf900e8ab031ed701d89c7

The Four Types of Auditory Processing Disorder

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s329/sh/35c143f8-30d8-4b16-81d9-bb9bbd34449f/23638e20a161955c968bedd5bf0e59c9

Gaps in Sound - Auditory Gap Detection and Auditory Perception

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s329/sh/1c87aa56-9c56-4b25-9849-417d96b86db9/8a2821317cfcc4fe1488acb63fc606a6

Auditory Processing Disorder and Some Related Issues

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s329/sh/be9fe329-b4c9-410b-aa54-b3068d4105e7/64cf37b4b9e217a2b2d52e125a9db6c4

My Evernote Auditory Processing Disorder Web Pages & Some Graphics.

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s329/sh/8e74e182-f110-4c41-931e-64fb5c1ed3ab/0a70222f704d78d7d92274b318fa9ded

Some WorldCat Auditory Processing Disorders Books

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s329/sh/488d9b12-87e3-40ae-b572-cded3df89d46/ff82c8babe3aaad91546004c3a6b2cb3

What is Dyslexia ?

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s329/sh/3629a60c-be24-4bc2-ac77-b696f4e051d9/c556f4f6c4e53c4da44c2fae23e3db4a

I hope this helps

Marie88

Thank you so much @Cher_Scope your message means a lot ? this is something I struggle with, knowing how to reply to people, I find it hard to find the words. Don’t really know how to explain it! But I’m really grateful to you.

I searched online for a language therapist in my area, but there doesn’t seem to be one in my county. I contacted a centre in the next county but they advised me to contact my gp, so I’m going to do that. I actually saw gp in 2019 about my difficulties. They thought it sounded like dyslexia so referred me for a dyslexia assessment, however, after months of waiting they eventually told me it wasn’t possible as I was no longer in education, which I didn’t think was very fair. I’m actually studying part time online now so hopefully I can be referred this time.

Marie88

Thanks very much @chiarieds it does help ?

Yes, it can be hard not telling people when I’m struggling but I worry so much they will judge me. I feel much more comfortable sharing this on here and it makes me feel better and helps to clear my head a little. Thanks for saying I write well, I just find it hard sometimes and will put it off, like replying to messages now is taking me ages as I don’t really know what to say. I appreciate everyone’s advice and kind words so much.

It’s really good to hear your son and daughter are enjoying their jobs. This is a good idea about writing things down so I can better explain them to my gp, I will do that.

I haven’t tried Scope's 'Support to Work' programme yet but I am going to, it sounds like a really good programme. To be honest I have been struggling to motivate myself recently and my sleep pattern is all over the place. I need to get back into a routine, I’m finding this third lockdown the most difficult, but I need to push myself more and think towards the future.

Marie88

@Cher_Scope I recently joined an online art group which I enjoy, we share our drawings and paintings and the people seem nice and friendly. Ive been finding this third lockdown hard so it’s nice to do something creative and helps relax my mind a little. I’ve also been thinking I would like to volunteer in the future when things are more normal again.

Marie88

Thanks so much @dolfrog and sorry for the late reply, I get easily overwhelmed sometimes so can find it hard to reply quickly. I’ve never heard of Auditory Processing Disorder before but does sound like I have some symptoms, for example I find it hard to keep up with conversations and I have to watch tv with subtitles and often ask someone to explain to me what is happening in the program or film. I will research into it and check out the links you sent me. I haven’t spoken to my gp yet and think I’ll have to wait until after lockdown. I am doing an online course so I should contact the college and see if they can help.. I should have done this already as I started the course in October but I always put things off, but it’s part of my difficulty where I get so overwhelmed about things. Thanks again ?

dolfrog

Marie88 said:

Thanks so much @dolfrog and sorry for the late reply, I get easily overwhelmed sometimes so can find it hard to reply quickly. I’ve never heard of Auditory Processing Disorder before but does sound like I have some symptoms, for example I find it hard to keep up with conversations and I have to watch tv with subtitles and often ask someone to explain to me what is happening in the program or film. I will research into it and check out the links you sent me. I haven’t spoken to my gp yet and think I’ll have to wait until after lockdown. I am doing an online course so I should contact the college and see if they can help.. I should have done this already as I started the course in October but I always put things off, but it’s part of my difficulty where I get so overwhelmed about things. Thanks again ?

There was an online Adult APD research program some years ago run by Australian psychologist Damien Howard. he has published some pdf articles resulting from this program on his web site Ear Troubles, articles web page.
The articles are "Controlling the Chaos" and "The Trouble with Strangers" both of which are half way down the articles web page
http://www.eartroubles.com/articles.html
There are also some APD support groups on Facebook.
I hope this helps

Cher_Alumni

Marie88 said:

@Cher_Scope I recently joined an online art group which I enjoy, we share our drawings and paintings and the people seem nice and friendly. Ive been finding this third lockdown hard so it’s nice to do something creative and helps relax my mind a little. I’ve also been thinking I would like to volunteer in the future when things are more normal again.

@Marie88 This is lovely news. In-fact, I think you should take a moment to reflect on all the positive steps you are taking to build your confidence

I wish I had more artistic talent but I'm afraid stick men are my limit!

Good luck with your GP and getting a referral. And, don't forget to keep us updated!

chiarieds

Hi @Marie88 - there's some info here from the Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists that seems relevant: https://www.rcslt.org/speech-and-language-therapy/clinical-information/developmental-language-disorder/#section-4 & there are some organisations listed at the bottom of the page that might help.

Whilst this is mainly about children, it does say that Speech & Language therapists can help, so I hope your GP will take this onboard.

If you look around the website, there are some good videos that explain more. I have to say it's helped me understand a little about the difficulties you face, & I was also surprised that developmental language disorder is fairly common, affecting just over 7.5 percent of children, who grow up to be adults!

I do hope your college can help too; perhaps you could give them the link above, saying you haven't got a diagnosis, but this is what it feels like for you.

Your online art group sounds really good. My eldest grandchild, aged 18, is very good at art, & doing a Graphics Design course at the moment. I wish I had a talent such as yours too.

I hope you are keeping well, & I know this last lockdown is hard, but we'll get through it. I would love to hear from you just when you can, or pop into the 'Coffee lounge' again any time.