Finances and extra costs
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.
Receiving too many notifications? Adjust your notification settings.

Divorce - what am I entitled to

mandieswmandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
I am separating from my husband, my choice, we have drifted apart and just become friends. 
I don’t work and he is a high earner. He has stocks, savings, isa’s, pensions and has suggested going 50/50. This would allow me to get a small house with some savings left over. Question is, should I accept what he’s offering or should I go through solicitors? He’s usually a fair guy, but as it’s my choice, is bound to be bitter. Should I be asking for a financial disclosure? 
Should I be asking for more than 50% because I’m disabled? Or spouses Maintaince? Would this be taking the mick as it’s me that wants to leave? 

Replies

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    In my own experience of divorce you put your case of what you expect your husband to pay out to you and he puts his case to say what he is willing to pay out 

    Its normsly then sorted between  the two parties  if they can come to an agreement if not then it goes to court and the court will look at both sides and try to work out a compromise  or states what has to be paid and what doesn't have to be paid unless there is an agreement in places 

    This is just from my own experience but you resly need to seek legal advice because not all divorces are the same 
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,873 Disability Gamechanger
    hi @mandiesw how are you today, tbh I think a 50/50 split sounds very fair, providing that is you are fully aware of exactly how much capital he has. Maintenance wouldn't seem fair if you have chosen to leave him I have to say.
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,373 Disability Gamechanger
    edited January 22
    Hi @mandiesw

    Hope you're well.

    Ultimately the decision on how much you should settle or go for is up to you, if you think a 50/50 split is fair then go for it, if not then perhaps you should seek legal advice. 

    Whatever happens, ensure you have in writing what the agreement is, and have it signed by both parties.

    In fact, I would feel inclined to seek professional advice regardless. It always helps to know your rights and the laws around it.
    Online Community Coordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @woodbine maintainence  is always paid unfortunately whatever the reason 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @Ross_Scope as you said always try for 50percent depends how much is protected by law I ended up with 30per cent and maintenence  all divorces are different it can work both ways a man can also claim frim a woman 
  • CressCress Member Posts: 445 Pioneering
    My advice would be always use a solicitor....how ever nice everyone starts out being it can soon get nasty...
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @Cress exactly when it comes to money and property its never good and that's from my own experience 
  • CressidaCressida Member Posts: 681 Pioneering
    edited January 22
    Personally I would not claim maintenance for myself unless I was desperate. You will never be truly independent from him otherwise. I have always worked and supported myself so I suppose I did have a choice. He should definitely pay child support for any children under 18. IMHO.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @Cressida I dint know if this still happens but maintenence  used to be taken from benefits or from wages years ago  don't know if this still happens 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,003 Disability Gamechanger
    As previously suggested I’d recommend going via a solicitor just to ensure all is settled and bound legally.
  • mandieswmandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Thank you everyone for your help. I don’t want to sound like a greedy ex who ran off with the money. I just want what’s fair. I don’t really want to go down the maintenance route, I just didn’t know whether anyone had any experience in this. I’ve heard of people that have had 60%, and others that had 50% and after all the legal bits were over, found out that there was hidden money. 
    I know it’s my choice, we’ve just grown apart. 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @mandiesw nobody thinks that you just have to do what's  right for you divorce is hard and when it comes to money and things its harder 

    Thsts why resly its best to get legal advice to make sure you get whst your entitled to I only got 30 percent because my ex had what they call protected money  and because any money my ex had or anything he owned before we met I wasn't entitled to  I did better than I thought I would but only with legal advice and it went to court 

    I hope that you get the settlement you want and need and I hope it doesn't get to distressing for you take care 
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,873 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine maintainence  is always paid unfortunately whatever the reason 
    I would beg to differ
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,873 Disability Gamechanger
    @Cressida I dint know if this still happens but maintenence  used to be taken from benefits or from wages years ago  don't know if this still happens 
    but you said a few post up that its ALWAYS paid, can we make our mind up after all we don't want to give bad advice do we?
    I suspect you are confusing maintenance with child support ?
  • GarzaGarza Member Posts: 97 Pioneering
    I think it is quite difficult to comment without knowing all of the ins and outs of the situation, also as others have said every divorce is different, my personal view is that, as the person who is instigating the divorce being offered a 50 50 split which will enable you to come away with a house and savings seems to be a pretty good offer

    Again as others have said in terms of spousal maintenance I think that would depend on whether you would want to be still tied to your ex husband financially or wish to make a clean break entirely 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @woodbine I am still onabout the same thing years ago if a man refused to pay the court orderd it to be taken from wages or benefits 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @woodbine as the lady isn't asking for it then its not a problem 
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,873 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine I am still onabout the same thing years ago if a man refused to pay the court orderd it to be taken from wages or benefits 
    As you say "years ago" things were very different.
  • mandieswmandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
    I don’t want maintenance, I just want to know if I should be looking for more than 50% due to being disabled whilst being in the 15 yr marriage and no longer able to work (he is also my career, so I will need to pay for that too). 
    He can still continue to earn, I don’t hold anything against him, we will always be friends, we have just grown apart. I certainly don’t want to stitch him up, I am simply looking for advice. If later down the line something happens and I’m told that I should have been entitled to something different before I sign the dotted line (he doesn’t want to hand over anything till we’ve sorted finances and applied for divorce), so I need to do the right thing. I was just hoping for some advice from someone who may have gone through this or had the knowledge, as I could pay a solicitor, but if it costs me a fortune to be told I should just take 50:50, I would be even more out of pocket. 

    Please don’t think I am a man hater or out to start an argument, I still love him, but only in a friendship way, certainly not to rip him off. I just need to live too. 
  • CressidaCressida Member Posts: 681 Pioneering
    I think 50% is an incredibly fair offer. You said you could buy a house and have some savings. You could then have a clean break split. 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,003 Disability Gamechanger
    Don’t solicitors still give the first ten minutes or so freely?
    or perhaps citizens advice could help.
  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 7,254 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi having been divorced 3 times I would suggest 50% is very much in your favour especially if he has made the bigger contribution to the finances over the years 

    A solicitor would advise him to offer less if this was the case and yours would fight for more 

    You can get 30 mins of free legal advice I would suggest you get that 

    You can divorce by doing it yourself for £550 if it is uncomplicated which is what I have done 

    Also after divorce he will prob need a complete break order or you can be entitled to future pension or lottery win or inheritance 
  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 7,254 Disability Gamechanger
    @lisathomas50

    Child maintenance can be taken from earnings if the person does not pay as agreed 

    Bit like my ex he just stopped working to get out of it 

    I've not heard of spouse maintenance for a long time does it still exist ? 
  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 7,254 Disability Gamechanger
    There are so many things to take into account when sorting out finances you really do need advice from legal expert or you may regret it and it could come back at you later down the line 
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,873 Disability Gamechanger
    @mandiesw depending what benefits you claim you might be entitled to extra, but that would be affected by savings.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @janer1967 30yesrs ago I was divorced that's why I said I dont know if it still happens my ex died so my maintenance stopped but got a lump some that was owing frim his estate not child for myself thry used to take it fom his wages but the lady isn't going to do that so its not a problem and as I think most of us have said legal help is defiantly required and all divorces are different 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @janer1967 my brother just got back to me he is a divorce lsyer spouse maintenence  can still be asked for in a divorce as part of settlement  when its asked for years  in some cases not all a judge can order it in certain circumstances 
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,873 Disability Gamechanger
    @lisathomas50 sorry but you are confusing the issue for everyone here, a lot has changed in 30 years as i'm sure you know?
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @woodbine I am going through a divorce now but not asking for maintainance this time 
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,873 Disability Gamechanger
    <bites tounge>            there is NO automatic right to spousal maintenance anymore
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @woodbine and thsts whst I just said you have to ask for it 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 6,896 Disability Gamechanger
    Having divorced my husband last year after separating from him a few years prior, I'll not advise, but let you know my personal experience. I did seek legal advice as I had been told I might be able to get 30mins free advice....in fact the kindly solicitor gave me an hour. I had been advised that most solicitors do this, but, at least in my town, I had been told I might have to ring around them, because one might give such free advice one month, then another the next.
    At first I was just going to go for a legal separation, but was advised by my solicitor that, should I end up divorcing, then the same ground would have to be covered again, so would end up costing me more.
    With a divorce, if using a solicitor, each party has to give a Financial Disclosure, backing it up with bank statements, etc., & how much pensions are worth. And pensions can be tricky.
    In my own case, also no longer working due to disability, much to my surprise I found my Personal Independence Payment (PIP) might also be considered as income, in fact my now ex-husband's solicitor made much of this, altho it could be reduced/stopped at a future date. I was also advised that should I wish to query this in court, which as I was divorcing him would cost me if this went against me, that metaphorically speaking, on the same day one judge would agree saying my PIP was indeed income, whilst another would disagree.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @chiarieds on Google there is a fantastic legal site which is free it goes through everything my brother who is a divorce lawyer told where to find it's realy good but I don't know how to put it on here 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @chiarieds its called guide for divorce settlement  its free legal advice updated 20th November 2020
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    My husband is claiming from me  and they have used my pip as income  mine is a messy divorce its been going on a whilst he has an addiction  I have a partner I have been with for a very long time but my ex husband wouldn't give me a divorce then he went on a long holiday and decided now he wants a divorce 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,373 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @mandiesw

    Has some of the information and advice provided here been helpful? :) 
    Online Community Coordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know.
  • mandieswmandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Yes, it’s been very helpful. Thank you to everyone that has replied. 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,373 Disability Gamechanger
    Super! You are welcome.
    Online Community Coordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    @mandiesw  hope it all goes well for you  take care 🙂 
  • mandieswmandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Thank you @lisathomas50. The website you gave me was super helpful. X
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    I am so glad  its my brother told me where to look its only a guide though you will still need to seek legal advice  on your own circumstances 

    Take care 🙂 
  • mandieswmandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Of course, but as stbx and I are on friendly terms, I can show him. Thanks again. 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    No worries good luck 
Sign in or join us to comment.