Divorce - what am I entitled to — Scope | Disability forum
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Divorce - what am I entitled to

mandiesw
mandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
I am separating from my husband, my choice, we have drifted apart and just become friends. 
I don’t work and he is a high earner. He has stocks, savings, isa’s, pensions and has suggested going 50/50. This would allow me to get a small house with some savings left over. Question is, should I accept what he’s offering or should I go through solicitors? He’s usually a fair guy, but as it’s my choice, is bound to be bitter. Should I be asking for a financial disclosure? 
Should I be asking for more than 50% because I’m disabled? Or spouses Maintaince? Would this be taking the mick as it’s me that wants to leave? 
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Comments

  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    In my own experience of divorce you put your case of what you expect your husband to pay out to you and he puts his case to say what he is willing to pay out 

    Its normsly then sorted between  the two parties  if they can come to an agreement if not then it goes to court and the court will look at both sides and try to work out a compromise  or states what has to be paid and what doesn't have to be paid unless there is an agreement in places 

    This is just from my own experience but you resly need to seek legal advice because not all divorces are the same 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    hi @mandiesw how are you today, tbh I think a 50/50 split sounds very fair, providing that is you are fully aware of exactly how much capital he has. Maintenance wouldn't seem fair if you have chosen to leave him I have to say.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • Ross_Scope
    Ross_Scope Posts: 7,479 Scope online community team
    edited January 2021
    Hi @mandiesw

    Hope you're well.

    Ultimately the decision on how much you should settle or go for is up to you, if you think a 50/50 split is fair then go for it, if not then perhaps you should seek legal advice. 

    Whatever happens, ensure you have in writing what the agreement is, and have it signed by both parties.

    In fact, I would feel inclined to seek professional advice regardless. It always helps to know your rights and the laws around it.
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  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine maintainence  is always paid unfortunately whatever the reason 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    @Ross_Scope as you said always try for 50percent depends how much is protected by law I ended up with 30per cent and maintenence  all divorces are different it can work both ways a man can also claim frim a woman 
  • Cress
    Cress Member Posts: 1,012 Pioneering
    My advice would be always use a solicitor....how ever nice everyone starts out being it can soon get nasty...
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    @Cress exactly when it comes to money and property its never good and that's from my own experience 
  • Cressida
    Cressida Member Posts: 982 Connected
    edited January 2021
    Personally I would not claim maintenance for myself unless I was desperate. You will never be truly independent from him otherwise. I have always worked and supported myself so I suppose I did have a choice. He should definitely pay child support for any children under 18. IMHO.
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    @Cressida I dint know if this still happens but maintenence  used to be taken from benefits or from wages years ago  don't know if this still happens 
  • leeCal
    leeCal Member Posts: 6,455 Disability Gamechanger
    As previously suggested I’d recommend going via a solicitor just to ensure all is settled and bound legally.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • mandiesw
    mandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Thank you everyone for your help. I don’t want to sound like a greedy ex who ran off with the money. I just want what’s fair. I don’t really want to go down the maintenance route, I just didn’t know whether anyone had any experience in this. I’ve heard of people that have had 60%, and others that had 50% and after all the legal bits were over, found out that there was hidden money. 
    I know it’s my choice, we’ve just grown apart. 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    @mandiesw nobody thinks that you just have to do what's  right for you divorce is hard and when it comes to money and things its harder 

    Thsts why resly its best to get legal advice to make sure you get whst your entitled to I only got 30 percent because my ex had what they call protected money  and because any money my ex had or anything he owned before we met I wasn't entitled to  I did better than I thought I would but only with legal advice and it went to court 

    I hope that you get the settlement you want and need and I hope it doesn't get to distressing for you take care 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine maintainence  is always paid unfortunately whatever the reason 
    I would beg to differ
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    @Cressida I dint know if this still happens but maintenence  used to be taken from benefits or from wages years ago  don't know if this still happens 
    but you said a few post up that its ALWAYS paid, can we make our mind up after all we don't want to give bad advice do we?
    I suspect you are confusing maintenance with child support ?
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • Garza
    Garza Member Posts: 149 Pioneering
    I think it is quite difficult to comment without knowing all of the ins and outs of the situation, also as others have said every divorce is different, my personal view is that, as the person who is instigating the divorce being offered a 50 50 split which will enable you to come away with a house and savings seems to be a pretty good offer

    Again as others have said in terms of spousal maintenance I think that would depend on whether you would want to be still tied to your ex husband financially or wish to make a clean break entirely 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine I am still onabout the same thing years ago if a man refused to pay the court orderd it to be taken from wages or benefits 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,787 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine as the lady isn't asking for it then its not a problem 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine I am still onabout the same thing years ago if a man refused to pay the court orderd it to be taken from wages or benefits 
    As you say "years ago" things were very different.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • mandiesw
    mandiesw Member Posts: 6 Listener
    I don’t want maintenance, I just want to know if I should be looking for more than 50% due to being disabled whilst being in the 15 yr marriage and no longer able to work (he is also my career, so I will need to pay for that too). 
    He can still continue to earn, I don’t hold anything against him, we will always be friends, we have just grown apart. I certainly don’t want to stitch him up, I am simply looking for advice. If later down the line something happens and I’m told that I should have been entitled to something different before I sign the dotted line (he doesn’t want to hand over anything till we’ve sorted finances and applied for divorce), so I need to do the right thing. I was just hoping for some advice from someone who may have gone through this or had the knowledge, as I could pay a solicitor, but if it costs me a fortune to be told I should just take 50:50, I would be even more out of pocket. 

    Please don’t think I am a man hater or out to start an argument, I still love him, but only in a friendship way, certainly not to rip him off. I just need to live too. 
  • Cressida
    Cressida Member Posts: 982 Connected
    I think 50% is an incredibly fair offer. You said you could buy a house and have some savings. You could then have a clean break split. 

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