Universal Credit
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.

Trying to get UC, doctor won't help

em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
Hi everyone,
My partner and I both have health conditions which make it really difficult to find work. We've decided to apply for UC as we really need the money, we're struggling to afford anything. I think I will be able to apply as I have evidence of my conditions (x ray etc). However, it's very difficult to try and apply for my partner. He has depression and anxiety, but also incontinence. He has had lots of tests done, and was told by the one doctor in our area that it is incontinence and caused by his depression and anxiety then sent on his way with antidepressants, which made things worse. He has been on a few different types of medication for his depression and anxiety and found that it either made him feel worse or there was no difference at all. He has decided after a near mental breakdown and leaving his last job to come off medication and he is able to manage it by himself at home as he has access to the bathroom whenever he needs. He needs to use the bathroom every two hours minimum, and can take 20 mins or more, if he is anxious its more and a work situation makes this worse because he is embarrassed because people know he's gone. Obviously this is very difficult for him to find employment as there's almost nothing suitable at all, even working from home as he needs to be able to use the bathroom when he needs to otherwise he will have panic attacks or accidents which will then result in him being very depressed. 

The doctor seemed to basically accuse my partner of lying by saying it's all in his head and leaving him to deal with it alone. We couldn't get a second opinion as its the only doctor in our area, we live in a rural area and would never be able to afford private. We're extremely worried as we think the doctor will probably refuse a sick note as he thinks that antidepressants will solve the problem and hes able to work if he takes them. My partner has had a sick note for his work before he left but it was only really written because he went to have tests done in the hospital (which showed no cause of the incontinence which is why doc thinks its all mental). My partner is not capable to work. If they say he is capable, he isn't able to do what they want him to do. We live in an area where there are hardly any jobs, let alone anything suitable for his condition. even a work from home job is difficult because he isnt qualified to do many jobs and customer service (only experience he has) will require him to work constant and he cant fulfill his hours due to needing to be in the bathroom. He will not wear protection, it makes him very depressed. He cant just apply for jobs because he can't do them. I don't know what to do because we need the money, but Im really worried the doctor will refuse and if he refuses they will force him into things he cant do. If he is having to apply for jobs and people wont listen because lots of people with incontinence are able to work he will be having constant panic attacks and depressed all the time or worse. He is able to manage things most of the time without antidepressants because he is able to manage his condition at home, if he was having to work then he would be extremely depressed and suicidal because of his condition and feeling like a liabilty, embarrassed etc. I am also worried because we are young, only in our 20s so people tend not to believe us and because he looks okay people think he is  just lazy and doesnt want to work. I am also worried because he cannot go to a face to face assessment (although i think they do phone assessments because of covid) but i am worried they wonnt listen because he sounds fine, and i dont even know if he will be able to speak on the hone about his condition without having a panic attack.

sorry for the ramble, i just dont know what to do. if anyone could help, id appreciate that so much.thank you :)

Replies

  • thatsmynamethatsmyname Member Posts: 52 Connected
    em1711 your husbands doctor sounds as bad as mine! I suffer with bowel problems myself due to anxiety mainly...and poor diet..
    But his doctor is not supposed to presume anything as sometimes even tests dont provide evidence some things do get un noticed all the time! You're husband can claim just for his anxiety and depression alone.the bowel problems should be just considered part and parcel of the anxiety.make it clear from the start that he is too unwell to look for work due to this.my universal credit is awarded due to my anxiety agoraphobia and panic attack and depression so is my pip i get mobility rate and daily living standard rate.i have also just been put in lcwra group finally after waiting a year.
    Doctor will have to provide fitnotes if he doesnt make a complaint against him! Ask for another doctor also!
    Ive had to this a lot but it gets results.my sicknote gets renewed everytime i ring to request it and it usually just says anxiety on there! Anxiety doesnt just go away....he needs decent help from professional people.he needs therapy not antidepressants they only mask the problem.they need to address what is causing it first and offer him real help.hope you get everything sorted
  • em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    edited February 9
    @thatsmyname Thank you so much for replying :) it's awful how bad some doctors can be isn't it? I believe my husband has agoraphobia too, he goes to tesco once every two weeks when I'm unable to but apart from that he hates leaving the house, he won't even go and see his mum who lives an hour away. He has urinary incontinence so similar to your issues. I was thinking about pip but was worried that they would refuse because he isn't on or wanting medication and they seem to be quite strict. Do you think we should apply for pip first instead? He is able to clean himself etc but he does need help remembering when to go as he tries to keep a schedule, he needs help planning to go out with toilet breaks, timings etc and he needs help with lots of other things because of his mental health. I think there may be one other doctor in the surgery however my husband is now too scared to talk to a doctor and really doesn't trust anyone. He doesn't want to go through all these tests again and when he thinks and talks about his condition he gets severely anxious and depressed. That's why we're able to manage it at home, because he's able to distract himself as much as he can. The last time he spoke to a doctor was over a year ago and that was when they told him everything was in his head and there's nothing wrong with him. I'm worried they will say why have you waited all this time and think he's faking it because he doesn't want any more tests from them because he's scared. I also don't know if he'll be able to ring the doctor himself to ask for a fit note, he will probably have a panic attack. Do you  or anyone else know if I am able to do this for him? Again I'm worried they'll say that if he's that bad he needs medication but like I said he's okay when he's at home, distracted and able to use the bathroom when he needs. Also I know he wouldn't complain if the doctor refused however I would, he needs me to help him with these things otherwise it won't happen. I'm so sorry for all the rambling and the questions. It really means a lot to have your response, I often feel alone in dealing with this. I'm very glad I found this site☺️
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 8,001

    Scope community team

    HI @em1711, are you and your partner claiming anything at all at the moment? 
    Community Manager
    Scope
  • em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    @basket123 I'm not really sure. I tried filling in the uc application online and it asks are there any illnesses or conditions which stop you from working. I checked yes because he's unable to work due to his condition and it says that he needs to get a gp note to prove that he isn't fit for work, then he will have an assessment to see what group he will be in. I'm just worried if he is told he's still fit for work and has to do what is required e.g. Applying for jobs because he can't work. I'm not sure whether we should be applying for pip instead. I'm completely new to all of this and having to do it myself because of my husbands anxiety. I'm probably going to call citizens advice or someone else who can help me later on to get help with applying
  • em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    @Adrian_Scope No, we're not claiming anything at the moment. I'm also disabled but not claiming pip for myself and recently unemployed so we're struggling to pay for things
  • calcotticalcotti Member Posts: 2,194 Pioneering
    All you need for ESA or UC is a Fit Note. It’s not clear from your post whether you have actually asked your GP for a Fit Note and been refused or are just worried that you will be refused. 
    Information I post is for England unless otherwise stated. Rules may be different in other parts of UK.
  • calcotticalcotti Member Posts: 2,194 Pioneering
    basket123 said:
    @em1711 , From the sounds you need to apply for ESA, which you do on line. But you will need Sick notes 
    UC you can apply for as they will help with rent .
    Why not give both a call and go from there ? 
    If applying for UC there is no financial gain applying for ESA too as the ESA is deducted from the UC. However you do get Class 1 NI credits on ESA rather than the Class 3 on UC and claiming ESA will protect your contributory entitlement should you become no longer eligible for UC in the future.
    Information I post is for England unless otherwise stated. Rules may be different in other parts of UK.
  • thatsmynamethatsmyname Member Posts: 52 Connected
    em1711 i dont take my meds either as i dont like the way they make me feel and they do not help.luckily my main doctor agrees! He just gives me them in case i feel i need them.they give me diazepam for anxiety which i dont like taking at all so dont.ive been open about my reluctance to use meds and still got pip and uc lcwra so try anyway.not everyone is the same.explain that you would rather try therapy before resorting to pills..no one can make anyone take something they dont want to take.and they can only advise you not force you.im pretty sure that if you are indeed married you should be able to speak on his behalf if he struggles.im not 100% sure on that but it would make sense for them to let a spouse do it.
  • em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    @calcotti sorry I didn't make it clear, I do ramble sometimes haha. We haven't asked for a sick note yet, we're worried it'll be rejected because he has no proper diagnosis other than depression, anxiety and just incontinence, he's been rejected for sick notes for his old job before and the doctor seemed to think he was lying. I'm worried they'll think he's lying even more because the last time he spoke to a doctor was about a year ago and since then he's come off his antidepressants because he feels he's able to cope with his depression since leaving work because he's able to manage his health condition better. The doctor really isn't the nicest and he's also very worried about speaking to the doctor too but there's only one other doctor. Don't know if it's worth asking the doctor that doesn't know his situation, I don't know whatll be better
  • calcotticalcotti Member Posts: 2,194 Pioneering
    Obviously if GP doesn’t consider it appropriate they will not do it but before you get all anxious about something that hasn’t happened yet I suggest you ask for the Fit Note. I appreciate that may be easier for me to say than for you to do if you the anxious type,
    Information I post is for England unless otherwise stated. Rules may be different in other parts of UK.
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,484 Disability Gamechanger
    If you are unhappy with the GP you could always ask to see another if it has more than one in the practice, or you could move to a different surgery?
    All I would say about the meds is that they all take sometime to kick in.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    @woodbine there's only one other, but I don't think they are completely aware of the situation as it was the other doctor that dealt with my partners care. My partner is now too scared to go back to talk to a doctor so I don't know if changing doctors will work. And the nearest other practice is half an hour away where I used to live before I moved in with my partner and they were very rude to me and told me to move to the other practice as they can no longer treat me there as its not in their catchment area. 
  • em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    @calcotti that's the whole thing though. I doubt the doctor will consider it appropriate because he's almost accused my partner of lying about his mental health issues and said that his incontinence is because of his mental health and the only help and advice he got was to not go to the toilet all the time and to hold it in which caused accidents. My partner is terrified to speak to a doctor now because his doctor doesn't seem to care. But if it gets rejected, he will have to do things like go to the jobcentre and apply for work which he can't do due to his severe anxiety and incontinence, but we have no money and we can't afford it. There is only one other doctor who doesn't know about these things as they aren't his primary gp and my partner is too anxious to explain again what's happening and he doesn't want to be told he has to have tests again and he doesn't want to go on medication. I'm at a loss because we have no money for anything anymore but this doctor is very old fashioned and horrible and I just feel like he will refuse. 
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 8,001

    Scope community team

    Do you think you'd be able to speak to the other doctor (with him present to give permission) to try and explain things @em1711?


    Community Manager
    Scope
  • em1711em1711 Member Posts: 14 Listener
    @Adrian_Scope unfortunately my doctor surgery is only doing emergency face to face appointments, I don't know if maybe he can tell them that he gives permission for me to speak to them about it on his behalf and maybe they'd listen and allow it? He wants me to talk to them and refuses to talk to them himself because he doesn't want to explain his situation again and he also doesn't want to go through the process of having more tests done that he's already had and tablets shoved in his face instantly
  • thatsmynamethatsmyname Member Posts: 52 Connected
    em1711 i am allowed to have someone speak on my behalf if im not well enough as long as he says on phone he gives permission it should be ok.he will only have to speak to give permission.
Sign in or join us to comment.