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Dating site tried to put me off because I'm in a wheelchair

Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,587 Scope community team
I saw this yesterday on Twitter and now newspapers are picking up in the story. I am angry and hurt that disabled people can still be treated this way in 2021, in the U.K. Here is the full piece.

Dating site tried to put me off because I'm in a wheelchair: BBC journalist reveals her shock at being told finding a love match for her could be 'quite challenging'


That's my feelings, what are yours and how can we address this positively?



Scope
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Replies

  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 7,254 Disability Gamechanger
    It is awful but not surprising 

    I use dating sites but dont mention I am in a wheelchair in my profile 

    I tell anyone I have come into contact with if I feel there is a connection some then stop communicating which I do get to a certain extent 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,699 Disability Gamechanger
    @Richard_Scope I was so angered to see this yesterday and really felt for the woman involved.  The whole tone and sentiment of the dating sites response was off and entirely ableist.  Honestly... ugh  :s  What were they thinking? 

    Looking to the positives, the lady was very brave to share her experience and by bringing visibility to these prejudiced attitudes other organisations might be more aware of why such approaches are discriminatory and avoid acting like this.  But still, there is so much work to be done in dismantling disablism and I think this speaks to a culture where non-disabled bodies are privileged and seen as favourable, better and more attractive.  We still have a heck of a fight on our hands to achieve equality. 

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Pioneering
    Too many disability bashing Daily Fail readers run dating sites.


  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 2,922 Pioneering
    People are people  doesn't matter if they are in a wheel chair  people I wheel chairs have become actors  tske part in sport and do many amazing things and still have the same needs can still love someone 

    I dont know how  this can go on in this day and age  a wheel  chair is a means  of getting around doesn't define who that person is  on a pervious thread I mentioned pre covid I help run a club for prople with disabilitys  and we have wheel chair users thst play darts and pool and table tennis and we have able bodied people attend aswel  we have had a couple of romances between wheel chair users and able bodied prople 

    I apologise before hand if I have used any wrong words when describing people I mean no offence 
  • carthacartha Member Posts: 1,160 Pioneering
    Love is love and when two people really want to be together, any disabilities and/or bad habits become insignificant. Dating sites should not be picking and choosing their clients because they can never know who will hit it off with whom. I was turned down by one dating site because I wasn't working at the time. I don't do online dating any more, I had bad experiences. Getting together with a complete stranger I find very difficult. I would certainly never pay the prices quoted in this lady's story, not to mention their discrimination. If their clients are choosing partners for their physical attributes then it probably isn't the right dating site for her, anyway. Maybe Scope could start a dating section ;-)
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 655 Pioneering
    Hmm, this is a professional site, therefore there is no point expecting them not to simply view their market as a market.  They probably cannot easily make a profit by matching older women to prospective partners.  Nor impoverished people. 
    They could leave that business, and sell fruit on a market stall instead.  But the same logic would apply, because they might know perfectly well that the finest tasting apples they could stock would not sell as easily as some  pretty rubbish ones, but of a different appearance.  They would know that in that area, few people would be willing to try unfamiliar fruit either, so instead of being left with unsold stock, they would simply not offer it. 

     It isn't either kind or brutal, it is just a market.
  • Richard5CottonRichard5Cotton Member Posts: 3 Listener
    I join dating sites but find that I can't talk to anyone on the sites as you have to pay to talk to someone. I wish the dating site was free to talk to the person you're interested in. Been a carer I can't afford to shell out money on dating when most of it goes on bills and food. I would love to meet someone as I am a widower and have twin daughters that have learning problems.
  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 7,254 Disability Gamechanger
    @Richard5Cotton

    There are some dating sites that are free but with bring free they attract the fake profiles and scammers 

    However they are not all bad and I have met some great friends and my current partner on free sites 

    Bumble is similar to tinder and facebook now has dating site for free 
  • hdeakinhdeakin Member Posts: 123 Pioneering
    I was really upset to read Lucy's tweet. I am a powerchair user and worry who will love me. I know it shouldn't be that way, and it is the person not the disability. I see that but know do many non disabled people don't. Comments like this are unexceptable and give me less hope of someone accepting me as me. I recently wrote a blog post about disability and dating. I have not tried online dating but feel I should at some point. Here is the link if you fancy a read : https://hannahdeakin.blogspot.com/2020/07/disability-and-dating.html
  • carthacartha Member Posts: 1,160 Pioneering
    @Richard5Cotton - pof.com is also free and allows you to message people. It has hardly any members in my area but may be better where you are.
  • Richard5CottonRichard5Cotton Member Posts: 3 Listener
    I am on pof and yes it is free to join but you can not message after a certain amount of words and have to upgrade or so it says when I try to talk to people on there.
  • carthacartha Member Posts: 1,160 Pioneering
    I am on pof and yes it is free to join but you can not message after a certain amount of words and have to upgrade or so it says when I try to talk to people on there.
    It must have changed since I used it. Messaging used to be free.
  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 134 Pioneering
    Only Freedating and Completelyfree dating sites are FREE! But limited amount of people on them! And having been on both for many a time, useless! I live in a rural area Area? 

    You get what you pay for! Lol. :).

    POF? waste of time! 


    Again, if you live in a town,but rural,forget it!  Also applies if any disability! 

    It's all about what the site can can make money from! 
  • IrishMancIrishManc Member Posts: 37 Courageous
    I saw this yesterday on Twitter and now newspapers are picking up in the story. I am angry and hurt that disabled people can still be treated this way in 2021, in the U.K. Here is the full piece.

    Dating site tried to put me off because I'm in a wheelchair: BBC journalist reveals her shock at being told finding a love match for her could be 'quite challenging'


    That's my feelings, what are yours and how can we address this positively?



    Speaking as a 50 years old “out” Irish gay man and devout traditional Catholic living in the U.K. with family in Ireland with undiagnosed Aspergers, given that the LGBT community is now almost entirely online due to Covid 19, such as with the world gay pride event last June (which was almost entirely online), I’ve always entirely avoided online gay dating sites and apps over the decades, not just for reasons of personal safety, but because they almost entirely focus on the sexual aspects of being gay, which was never the thing that I was ever after, even when I was younger and could attend LGBT community centres and gay pride events - I also find that these sites and apps tend to only focus on physical appearance and sexual prowess while also being overly political (too far towards the left) in nature - what’s more important to me is someone who is level headed, has common sense and a bit of “cop on” to see things as they really are in reality,  loves their country, is patriotic and who has strong religious faith and a strong sense of moral values, which I’ve never seen within the LGBT community, I’ve only ever found this in straight groups in which I’m out as gay to everyone and even while revealing my Aspergers, I’ve still had full acceptance in such groups - within the LGBT community however, I’ve faced nothing but discrimination and prejudice from within the LGBT community because of my working class, Rural Irish Catholic background and because I was raised an only child - I’ve heard similar stories from other gay men over the years and it is clear that this issue remains unaddressed, even as the effects of Covid 19 impacts on all of us - disability discrimination against gay men going into gay clubs was a serious issue and as I’ve heard, even at gay pride events a few years ago - now that the future for LGBT people might very well be online only, with the closure of many gay venues for the next few years and many LGBT support services, it might very well be the time for the LGBT elites to fundamentally rethink what strategy they are using to deal with these issues 
  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 134 Pioneering
    Might just as well, sit outside your house,holding  a big placard, saying , boyfriend/girlfriend wanted! 
  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 134 Pioneering
    Hhhmmmm.......can't remember where i put the permanent black marker pen! Lol.  ).
  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 134 Pioneering
    Ooops,there there it is! 

    Next to my,..   .to do list! ;).
  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 134 Pioneering
    I need.....................
  • carthacartha Member Posts: 1,160 Pioneering
    @gaz1960, I agree, it's tough in a rural area. I'm also living in a rural area.
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