Family court — Scope | Disability forum
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Family court

Rue Community member Posts: 12 Courageous
Has anybody had trouble with ablism in the courts and with children's social services?

Until August from February '21, they have granted my abusive husband primary care of our children and me only visitation rights on weekends. In court in April, he even tried to get every other weekend as well, but my barrister managed to hold on to 3 out of 4 weekends. This all started with an ex parte order saying my retired childminder mother, my current MOD constable father and I are all invalids and the children were at risk of harm. He continues to lie and manipulated but they believe his lies of my current health using my health in 2011 to back them up. The children services even said that it was okay that he had full financial control over me as he was my "primary carer" which he hadn't been since 2013. That without an outlet, it was understandable that he let his anger out on things around him. That his controlling behaviour was him caring for my health and worrying about my safety. 

In mediation, he said something worrying about my 8-year-old boy that if it was true is alarming and the children's services and i should have been told immediately but if it's not why lie about something like that. Either scenario is very bad. 

He admitted to hurting my daughter when we were together and his way of controlling his anger around the children is to just ignore them completely, shutting himself away in his room. 

His statements are all just about my health and all the solicitors think it's bad (a civil problem) but not wrong. I have got to continuously prove I'm not what he says but all his abusive, controlling behaviour they see but they still think that the children are safer with him than a disabled person. Apparently, my wheelchair inhibits my ability to care for my children. I apparently pass out all the time, which I haven't done once since February as I now have control over my medication so that it's on time and in the correct dosages. 

All this also prevents me from being housed as I'm still a tenant on the property he physically removed me from. And as I am not housed, I cannot prove I can provide for my kids. 

Sorry for the rambling and the disjointed thoughts. I just don't know what to do.


  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there 

    Welcome to the community Sorry to hear what you are going through 

    I think this is too complex for anyone here to advise much and as you have a solicitor they should he helping you 

    I'm in a wheelchair and have full custody of my son since he was 10 but through mutual agreement with his dad but it doesn't stop me being able to care for him or give him a good life 

    However I do tend to agree if you have no housing this would be a significant obstacle 

    Where are you currently living? 

    Does your legal rep not help? 
  • Rue
    Rue Community member Posts: 12 Courageous
    I'm currently with my parents in their spare room (was my brother's, but he has just bought a house so is with his girlfriend till all paperwork is final). There is also one for my children. But this isn't a long-term solution. He made me homeless and no matter how much everyone says he cannot do that he has and now has a court order saying the kids must stay in that property and another one saying that they must stay with him so even though I can get an occupation order I wouldn't get granted it as he has attached himself to the kids. He has done that with many things. He got the extra weekends as he said he didn't have enough quality time with them and then when asked about it in mediation couldn't even remember why he asked for weekends as well. And I guess I'm not so much looking for advice on all the legality of the stuff he's doing but maybe an ear that says I've been through something similar and now i have my kids so don't worry too much pet the system will work its way out in the end. 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    You need to get an advocate  who is only for you and can help you  why hasn't your solicitor  asked for an assessment  to see what you can and can't do  and also a parenting assessment 

    This is happening alot lately  also get in touch with disability  rights  to get advice it seems from what your saying you have nothing on your side at the moment 

    The problem you have though is you have no permanent housing  thsts about all the advise I can give you as we dint know the full details 

    I hope that you will look into the things I have told you about and hope you get the help you need 

    Your stuck in a hard place at the moment I help many women and men in your situation  I hope your solicitor is helpful and understanding  do you have your own social worker due to your disability or just the one that has come in due to your situation how many children do you have and what are their ages 
  • Rue
    Rue Community member Posts: 12 Courageous
    I have 2 kids, a boy aged 8, and a girl aged 6. Neither wish to be with dad but are okay with the current situation as it means that they are at school all day so daddy cannot shout at them. 
    I will look into an advocate.
    The section seven has only just been issued so we are waiting for a specific social worker for the case. I'm hoping things move faster once that happens but most of the excuses at the moment are that Covid is slowing everything down, Covid means they don't have has many people working at the moment, Zoom/BT/Skype/Microsoft teams etc isn't working well, the phone in the office ran out of battery.
    Disability rights signposted me here. 
    Thank you very much.

  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Campaigns Posts: 12,465 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Rue :) I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds really tough.

    Firstly, I can fully appreciate that you're looking for some support and reassurance from our members, and that's completely fine. Some members come here looking for advice, others want to vent, and some are looking to speak to people who've been in a similar position. I can imagine that this experience must have felt quite isolating, so you're more than welcome to seek emotional support here.

    It sounds as though you've been proactive in working to protect your children, but we just wanted to reassert that it's really important you have a good solicitor, and gather evidence that directly contradicts what your children's father has claimed.

    Also, just to remind you, if you're concerned about the welfare of your children you should contact the police and social services straight away. 

    I'm glad to hear that you've been in touch with Disability Rights- did they help? You could also try contacting Women's Aid, as I'm sure you can't be the only person who's been in this situation. 

    I hope that you hear about your assigned social worker soon. Please do keep us updated!

    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

    Join our call for an equal future.
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    It is going to hard and you need to enlist any help or advice you can get an advocate is resly goid becsuse they will helpnin every way they possibly can and can speak on your behalf 

    You need to get social services on your side and you need to find a home for you and your children  to live in  if you can speak to your doctor abd see if they will support you  being in a wheel chsircdoesnt stop you being a mum to your children 

    Medical evidence will help your case as you said that you haven't been passing out recently did you ever report the abuse that your husband was doing  

    It could take a while for the case to conclude in normal times it had to be within 12months  so it could be longer now because of corona virus 


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