Feeling guilty about gardening. — Scope | Disability forum
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Feeling guilty about gardening.

Dragonslayer Community Co-Production Group Posts: 1,523 Pioneering
We recently decided to have our small front garden redone. We paid for some-one to clear it all, then my wife decided to have white gravel spread over it. Because of my condition I had to watch her do all the work, empty all the bags of the gravel, then spread it all over. She is no spring chicken and it took several days. Maybe I am old fashioned, but it was to me a man's job and I feel guilty about it, as I do when I watch her doing the weeding ECT. Am I being foolish, or should it matter? 


  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,213 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there 

    You shouldn't feel guilty for things you can't do a marriage is a partnership and you do what you can for each other 

    It would be different if you were letting her do it because you didnt want to help her 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 10,465 Disability Gamechanger
    I'm sure your wife is just happy to get the garden sorted so you can both enjoy it @Dragonslayer :)
  • leeCal
    leeCal Member Posts: 4,222 Disability Gamechanger
    I remember a few times when I’ve been busy working on a property and the owner has just come out with a refreshing cup of tea or juice. It shows compassion and empathy and I really appreciated it. Perhaps you could make her a cup of tea like that when the occasion arises? 
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,549 Disability Gamechanger
    I sometimes feel guilty about not being able to do things too.

    I am a physically fit 27 year old yet I can’t drive on the motorway for any long distance, so I have to get a family member who has a bad leg and not perfect vision to drive me on long journeys because I can’t do it myself. I feel like a failure because of that.

    At the end of the day I think we just need to accept what we can and can’t do. We all have strengths that come in useful sometimes however little. For example I help my family members out with their technology/computers which they could never do for themselves. It’s give and take I guess. I am sure there are things you do for your partner that they are appreciative of. If they seem small to you that’s likely because it’s something you are good at! :)
  • Dragonslayer
    Dragonslayer Community Co-Production Group Posts: 1,523 Pioneering
    Thanks for the advice and support. 
    I suppose it is just a man thing!
  • Dragonslayer
    Dragonslayer Community Co-Production Group Posts: 1,523 Pioneering
    I'm sorry to hear about your problem with driving on motorways, they can at times be daunting to say the least. At the start of next month, I will be driving down to Cornwall, it will be the longest drive I have done for over a year and I am looking forward to it. Today however I will be going out for a drive locally, just like I have done for the past year, or more.
    Keep up with the driving, a little more at a time maybe?
    The garden looks great by the way. I think I will treat her to a good lunch tomorrow, another first in a long time. This getting over lockdown is a little tougher than I imagined.   


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