Hi, I'm KC88! My brother might have Asperger's - how do I approach it?

KC88

Hi, my brother is aged 30 and I have just learnt he quit his job he had for over 2years and has been pretending to work for the last 4 weeks. He did the same thing a few years ago with a different job. Looking back it appears to be a pattern as he dropped out of a college and later quit university. He has always been socially withdrawn. Does not have any friends, never goes out unless it’s with my parents, never been on holiday etc. He has suffered with depression in the past. In his early years he went to a speech therapist as he didn’t talk until around age 4/5. He used to have repetitive habits (pulling out eyelashes when he was a boy). Sometimes when we have big family gatherings I will notice he is missing and he will have disappeared into another room to be on his own for a while. He still lives at home with my parents and I worry about him. I don’t have a very close relationship with him as he doesn’t open up much. When you ask about his life or future plans he gets defensive and frustrated and cuts the conversation. When I ask how he is he says ‘fine’ and nothing more. He doesn’t make small talk and I cannot remember a time when he has asked how I am doing. He is really funny and quick whitted when he wants to be in his small circle of me, mum and dad. I apologise for how

Long this is but I really want to help him. He has never been diagnosed with anything. Do you think he may have Aspergers? Also  how would you think it would be best to approach him to try and help without him getting mad and shutting me out? 

languagelover96

heya yeah get a referral

Cher_Alumni

Hello @KC88 and a warm welcome to our community.  It's lovely to meet you.

Thanks for telling us about your brother.  I can understand why you think he may have Asperger's and your want to approach this sensitively.  We wouldn't be able to reliably advise if your brother does have the condition, as you can imagine - we aren't medically trained - so speaking with a GP would be the first step towards getting a confirmed diagnosis. 

The Asperger/Autism network give this advice about how to broach the subject with loved ones:

1. Lead with strengths! Most people with an Asperger profile have significant areas of strength (even if these have not been translatable into tangible successes).
2. Next, point out the areas in which they are struggling.
3. Then, suggest to them that there is a name for that confusing combination of strengths and challenges, and it may be an Asperger profile. You may lead them to AANE or other resources for further information. Provide support along the way.

I appreciate this is easier said than done, given your brother tends to withdraw from conversations.  Is there any environment in which he is more relaxed than others?  If you could find a way of nurturing a calm space to gently approach the topic, then that might make it easier.  While for more specialised advice, I'd recommend contacting the National Autistic Society.  

In the mean-time, I've tweaked the title of your thread to help others spot what it's about, and also moved it to our Autism and Asperger's category.  Browsing this category and speaking with our other members who have lived experience could be beneficial too in terms of what to do.  

Wishing you and your brother all the best.  I hope the conversation goes as well as it can do, if you choose to approach it.  Good luck.