A Long Post... any advice please?

oldngrumpy

Hello Folks

I was involved in a RTA when I was 11 years. 

This was in 1979. Yes I am that old.

I'm not going to list them the injuries, but I was in a bad way. Real bad.

The only thing that pulled me through this life changing event, apart from all the superb NHS staff.

Was my fitness and positive mind from my beloved Judo. This I have not done since, and this is the biggest frustration I have ever had to endure.
Totally devastating, no more Judo.....

I never realised this but I was told I was depressed from the early days after coming out of coma.

Twenty three years after this date I had a breakdown. 

Sent to see a Psychologist.

I was also put on medication. But this didn't help. I was told you can take as many meds as you want these will not make an ounce of any difference. Its damage to the Brain that's causing your depression.

I still have the "grizzles" but I can't explain this, I seem to just get on with my day. Still have negative thoughts and I talk negative. This I am terrible with.

Can the Brain (Folks reading this I know this may sound like a load of balls) sort of bypass the tears, the crying and pain and just get on with life. I make this sound patronising/easy,
I can assure you my life like others, isn't.

Depression/Mood Swings/Anxiety. 

Are just inconveniences in my life.

I regularly think about death and the "S" word.

Folks I am not hard. I cry/fill up everyday.

People have said to me...

You're not disabled/sick (mental problems)

I never show any signs of.

This frustrates me. I sometimes wish I was a little more disabled. Then I can show that I am not a hoax/fraud.

But back to what I mentioned earlier.

Can the mind just get on with things and blank out some of the problems mentioned?

This is a long post. Apologies.

Thank you!

leeCal

Your post isn’t that long and it’s good to ‘talk’ it out sometimes.
all the best @oldngrumpy.