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Feeling really low at the moment
I woke up feeling really depressed this morning and just can't seem to enjoy anything. I had some bad news last week as my grandad had a fall and smacked his head causing a bleed in the brain and we don't know if he'll survive. The past couple of days hes been alert and speaking but its like hes had a stroke and can't get his words out. it just seems everything is happening at the moment. First my health, losing my job becuase I can't work and fall ill. and now my grandad.
I just feel so stressed out and so helpless. I also just realised I haven't had my depot injection and it was due 3 weeks ago but noone has contacted me, I think they just don't care or forgotten about me but I struggle to contact anyone (as have autism, schizophrenia and agoraphobia) and I can't psysically phone people without having a melt down. I normally just wait for them to contact me as they are normally good and ontop of things but not lately.
It just seems like i'm trapped with nothing but a computer to communicate with, and all I do all day everyday is play games or watch things on youtube as too scared to go out and get really bad anxiety doing so. its like I want to be normal and like everyone else but my body doesn't let me. I feel like I'm stuck inside my own body and would do anything to escape it. I also started smoking cannabis again which is the only thing that seems to make me happy, the only problem is I smoke as soon as I get up, all day and before I go sleep which I know isn't good, but its my one big of enjoyment I have and helps with the pain of life.
I just have nothing to look forward too, no career aspirations, not being able to be fully independant. I'm 30 yet I still act and am treated like I am 13, I live at home still, have no job and likely won't be able too. I can't do simple things everyone else does and its so frustrating. I just feel a burden to society and literally a waste a space.