Feeling really low at the moment — Scope | Disability forum
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Feeling really low at the moment

rubin16 Member Posts: 238 Pioneering
Hi all,

I woke up feeling really depressed this morning and just can't seem to enjoy anything. I had some bad news last week as my grandad had a fall and smacked his head causing a bleed in the brain and we don't know if he'll survive. The past couple of days hes been alert and speaking but its like hes had a stroke and can't get his words out. it just seems everything is happening at the moment. First my health, losing my job becuase I can't work and fall ill. and now my grandad.

I just feel so stressed out and so helpless. I also just realised I haven't had my depot injection and it was due 3 weeks ago but noone has contacted me, I think they just don't care or forgotten about me but I struggle to contact anyone (as have autism, schizophrenia and agoraphobia) and I can't psysically phone people without having a melt down. I normally just wait for them to contact me as they are normally good and ontop of things but not lately.

It just seems like i'm trapped with nothing but a computer to communicate with, and all I do all day everyday is play games or watch things on youtube as too scared to go out and get really bad anxiety doing so. its like I want to be normal and like everyone else but my body doesn't let me. I feel like I'm stuck inside my own body and would do anything to escape it. I also started smoking cannabis again which is the only thing that seems to make me happy, the only problem is I smoke as soon as I get up, all day and before I go sleep which I know isn't good, but its my one big of enjoyment I have and helps with the pain of life.

I just have nothing to look forward too, no career aspirations, not being able to be fully independant. I'm 30 yet I still act and am treated like I am 13, I live at home still, have no job and likely won't be able too. I can't do simple things everyone else does and its so frustrating. I just feel a burden to society and literally a waste a space.


  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,790 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi you are not a waste of space your just going through a rough time with help and support you will get through this your not a burden either 

    I am sorry to hear about your grandad and your health problems causing you to lose your job  there are many people who can help you on here and guide you and give you advise about things 

    You have taken the first step comeing on here and talking about that helps and sometimes writing things down and telling some one how you feel helps 

    I hope things will get better for you soon when we are down and feel low things always look worse tomorrow is a new day others will be able to advise you and there are plenty of people thst can help and advise you

    Also welcome to the community 

    Take care ?
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 9,644 Scope online community team
    Hi @rubinheath16 :) 

    I'm sorry to hear about your grandad, that must have been such a shock. Have you been able to speak to your family about how you're feeling about the situation? Have people been updating you on how he's been getting on?

    Who usually administers your depot injection? Is it your GP? I wouldn't have thought that it's because they don't care about you. Mistakes do unfortunately happen, and they may have just forgotten to schedule your next appointment. Is there any other way you're able to contact the team that give you your depot injection? Or is a loved one able to call them on your behalf? 

    I know you've mentioned struggling with your mental health before. Are you receiving any support for your schizophrenia or agoraphobia at the moment?

    I think I remember Cher asking previously whether you had a specialist IBD nurse. Is that something you're able to access? I've heard great things about how they can try and help you to manage your Crohn's disease.

    It seems as though you're a little worried about your cannabis usage. Although there is a stigma around illegal drug use, there is help available. This page on Rethink has some useful information about cannabis usage and mental health, as well as some information about who to contact if you're concerned.
    Can I see my GP?

    Speak to your GP if cannabis use is affecting your physical or mental health. Be honest with your GP about your cannabis use and symptoms. Your GP may not offer you the right support if they don’t know the full picture.

    Your GP might:
    • offer you treatment at the practice, or
    • refer you to your local drug service.
    You can find local drug treatment support on Frank.

    What can my local drug service do?

    The service can offer counselling, support groups and advice. They can help you to:
    • reduce your cannabis use,
    • stop using cannabis,
    • reduce the affect that cannabis has on your life, and
    • support you to not start using again.
    The service may be provided through the NHS or through charity. You may be able to self-refer to this type of service. If you can’t self-refer speak to your GP or health professional.

    Can I see a therapist?

    A therapist may be able to help you to understand the reason why you use drugs.

    There are lots of different types of therapy. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is suggested as a treatment if:
    • you misuse drugs, and
    • have a common mental health problem such as depression or anxiety.
    Find out more about ‘Talking therapies’.

    Or call our General Enquiries teams on 0121 522 7007 and ask them to send you a copy of our factsheet.

    Can I get further support?

    You can
    • Speak to a specialist drug service such as Frank.
    • Join a support group such as Marijuana Anonymous UK.

    Details of Frank and Marijuana Anonymous UK can be found at the end of the factsheet in the ‘Useful contacts’ section.

    Find out more about:
    • Drugs, alcohol and mental health
    • Worried about your mental health?

    Or call our General Enquiries team on 0121 522 7007 and ask them to send you a copy of our factsheet.

    Useful Contacts

    Gives confidential advice to anyone concerned about using cannabis or other drugs.

    Telephone helpline: 0300 123 6600. Open 24 hours a day
    SMS: 82111 Email: through website
    Live chat: through website. Open 2pm – 6pm everyday.
    Website: www.talktofrank.com

    Marijuana Anonymous
    They are run by people who have experience of cannabis use. They offer a 12-step recovery programme for people who want to quit cannabis use and are free to use.

    Telephone: 0300 124 0373
    Email: [email protected]
    Website: www.marijuana-anonymous.org.uk

    Gives online information on a wide range of drug related topics. They do not have a helpline.

    Website: www.drugscope.org.uk

    Narcotics Anonymous
    They run online meetings and face to face meetings all over the country for people who want to stop using drugs. They offer sponsorship.

    Telephone helpline: 0300 999 1212. Open 10am – 12 midnight.
    Website: www.ukna.org

    A charity that supports people to make positive behavioural change. Such as a problem with alcohol, drugs, or mental health and wellbeing. They give support for families too. They have different services in different parts of the country.

    Telephone admin: 020 7251 5860
    Address: Part Lower Ground Floor, Gate House, 1-3 St. John's Square, London, England, EC1M 4DH
    Email: [email protected]
    Website: www.addaction.org.uk

    Change Grow Live (CGL)
    A charity that supports people to make positive behavioural change. Such as a problem with alcohol, drugs, or mental health and wellbeing. They give support for families too. They have different services in different parts of the country.

    Webchat: via website
    Website: www.changegrowlive.org/

    Turning Point
    Works with people affected by drug and alcohol misuse, mental health problems and learning disabilities.

    Address: Standon House, 21 Mansell Street, London, E1 8AA
    Email: through the website
    Website: www.turning-point.co.uk

    DNN Help
    You can get free rehabilitation treatment through your local drug team. But you can pay for private treatment if you want to. This is an online treatment finder for private rehabilitation services.

    Website: www.ddnhelp.com

    I remember that we contacted you by email before from [email protected], so please do take a look at those emails too.
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

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  • rubin16
    rubin16 Member Posts: 238 Pioneering

    Thanks for youre reply. my nan updates me each day about my grandad although information changes each day. Like one moment were told by the doctors that he won't make it and they're thinking of stopping support for him, and the next they test his swollowing and now he can eat and drink. So at the moment it looks slightly more positive but still early days. Another problem is my family and everyone is upset and able to cry, but I can't seem to cry or show emotion, it hurts inside but showing any emotion I struggle to do and just come across as numb and uncaring.

    My depot injection is done by the mental health team, they normally come to my house and give it me there, however had no contact with them and I struggle to contact anyone other than family as I get very bad anxiety and panic attacks.I was assigned a new CPN like 2 months ago and shes never once contacted me and ignores me. My previous CPN was great and did everything and worked with me to try better myself but she got promoted and now I'm left with an uncaring CPN.

    I am awaiting an appointment for an MR Scan and to see the IBD Nurses as I'm currently having a flare of crohns and on morphine to help with the pain. I have a telephone appointment with my consultant next monday so will get more of an idea or whats happening. my step dad looks after all my medication as I'm not allowed, as in the past each time I have been given any medication or tablets I have a tendancy to overdose on them.

    I know I can stop smoking cannabis, as done it before in the past by just going cold turkey and not smoking it. I have gone 6 months without smoking before. However I'm just so depressed and can't seem to handle anything at the moment without it. its my only bit of enjoyment I have. I just worry as if my mental health team knew I was smoking again they would send me to hospital and not allow me home, and instead would send me in supported accomodation which is monitored 24/7 by staff as they threatened this last time.

    Sorry I have a habit of ignoring emails and letters as I struggle with contacting people and keeping communication. I will take alook at the emails and try to respond to them.

    Thanks for your help and support it means alot.
  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,400 Scope online community team
    edited July 2021
    Hello @rubinheath16 How are you doing?

    I'm sorry we missed your reply last week, I hope your grandfather is a little better - has there been any progress?  <3

    Also, has your mental health team or CPN been in touch to organise administering your depot?  Is there a preferred way they could contact you that you would feel more comfortable with?  If you feel that the relationship you have with your CPN isn't working for you, then you could ask to be swapped to someone else's caseload.  You needn't have to discuss this with your present CPN and it could be done discretely by speaking with the team manager or via email.  Maybe that's something to think about.  

    Lastly, how did your IBD appointment go today?  I'm sorry for the barrage of questions but I think we have lots to catch up on!

    There's no need to apologise about not responding to us either.  As long as you know we are here should you ever wish to talk, then please do get in touch. 
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  • rubin16
    rubin16 Member Posts: 238 Pioneering
    Hi thanks for your reply,

    I'm still pretty low just trying to get by each day, but i'm so bored with nothing to do each day. My grandad has improved abit and it looks like he will survive for now, but will always have slight brain damage and he already has dementia so it looks like he'll need to go into a nursing home now where he can receive 24/7 care so just waiting for him to be assesed and then referred.

    I managed to have my depot injection on Tuesday last week, my CPN phoned me and arranged for someone to come and give it me. I don't want to cause a fuss and get my CPN in trouble or anything, so will just see how things go for now. I spoke to my crohn's consultant earlier today as well, and I need to go on fortnightly injections to control my crohn's so going to have a bloodtest first then have them prescribed.

  • monsieur
    monsieur Member Posts: 125 Pioneering
    Yo What i can advise is if you live in a countryside area, going for walks is pretty good... Might be a bit sad to do it on your own, but finding a companion to go for a walks just to enjoy nature, fresh air and beautiful clouds and sky is what helped me a lot with feeling down. Contact with nature is the best. Also having good sleep... Perhaps you should stop watching youtube and playing games, cuz youtube can be very depressing, especially adverisements they play all the time!!
  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,400 Scope online community team
    @rubinheath16 It's good to hear that things are a little more stable  :)  I hope the move to a nursing home for your granddad goes smoothly and, although I know it's not nice to see our loved ones in these situations, try to be comforted by him having the 24/7 medical care and attention that he needs.

    Great stuff about your depot and also the new Crohn's meds.  Please keep me updated with how you get on, I hope they work in bringing about remission.

    @monsieur 's suggestion about going for walks outside might be worth some thought too.  How do you feel about going on small walks or getting outside a little more?  There is something soothing about green spaces and incorporating a bit of exercise into your day might help your mood.  I appreciate when Crohn's is active this can be difficult, but do you have a garden or somewhere local you could visit to gently build up your time outside?
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  • rubin16
    rubin16 Member Posts: 238 Pioneering
    Hi thanks for your replies,

    I feel better knowing that were not going to lose my grandad just yet, although he's never going to be the same again atleast we have him for abit longer.

    I live in a apartment in the city so not many green areas to be honest, There is a huge park but I would have to get on the bus and tram to get there which is one of my worst nightmares. I have Autism, Schizophrenia and Agoraphobia and get really bad anxiety when I'm near people I don't know. I've been waiting to get my drivers license back, as I applied for this in March (Was revoked due to medical reasons), but its taking so long and will still be a few more months till I receive it. Once I have my license and a car again I will be able to get out more and will drive to the country alot and go for walks I can't wait.
  • monsieur
    monsieur Member Posts: 125 Pioneering
    That's good idea, if i had a car and driving licence i would be driving to seaside constantly, north wales is the closest to where i live


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