Why Do I Feel Guilty When

oldngrumpy

I would just like to read what people think of what I'm going to say.

I am on a minimal of benefits but that's another issue. 

I have tailored my lifestyle to what I get in benefits. I have no car. I don't smoke. I hardly drink. And the three past descriptives echo my financial well being.

I do have some savings but this is not a vast amount. I am well below the threshold for the benefits cap. I am saving these for a rainy day.    Move house etc.

Other people I know of, are on benefits and all day they do are in the pub drinking. They get more in benefits than me. This doesn't bother me the slightest.

What I do is live a frugal and basic lifestyle.

I have no budget to stick to.

I eat relatively healthy. I do eat also chips and curries. 

What I save I put into another seperate bank account. A few weeks ago I had the day out in Barmouth. Sat on the beach. Ate fish and chips. And had four cans of cheap Aldi Blonde Beer. And just sat in the sun.  Four hours later I was back on the coach heading home. I loved this day out, the first for over eighteen months.

If I did have a more flamboyant lifestyle I would feel guilty.  But why do I have guilty feelings?

For my 50th Birthday I went to Australia. This I saved for over ten years for. There were some very jealous people. How can you afford to go to Australia when you are on benefits. And I again felt guilty for this trip.

I have started to save for another trip to Oz, but I cannot see the virus clearing for a long time. It could be years, if ever, I go back to Oz.

I am not going to renew my TV licence. I shall listen to the radio instead.

I even though I know people have better lifestyles than me I always feel guilty when I have day out.

Is there anything wrong... I hate money. I hate my life. I have no creature comforts. But I am contented. (An oxymoron statement)

People's opinions please? Thanking you 

66Mustang

I can relate to how you say you feel at the end in your second-to-last paragraph.

I can also relate in that I have a few "luxuries" myself and experience feelings of guilt.

Like you, I am on minimal benefits, but I don't do much with my life in the way of going out and doing things, due to my issues. In addition to not going out I don't have lots of the things that others have - I don't buy branded clothes, I don't smoke, and I've recently stopped drinking heavily (but still enjoy a quality wee dram rather than quantity). This all results in having a small amount of spare money to spend on "treats".

One of my favourite treats is single malt whisky and/or fine cognac. I have found myself sitting with a dram of good whisky or cognac looking at the bottle - nothing extreme but perhaps a £40 bottle which now will last me several months - thinking "what am I doing buying this, I don't deserve it, I haven't worked for it".

Also, due to a combination of, mostly, the generosity of a family member, but also a small amount of my own savings, I own a couple of watches from a well known watchmaker, and I feel similar thoughts regarding those. I own these watches for their beauty and craftsmanship, I don't care about their value, but to many they simply represent money and are a symbol of success. However, I know of people well into the upper tax brackets, doing important jobs, who I'd call "successful", yet they couldn't afford these watches; but me - for whom "success" is being able to open the front door and go to out the wheelie bins without being accompanied - has one. It feels a bit wrong.

At the end of the day I think that we can do what we want with our money. Others are free to do the same but they choose to use their money on other things. For not doing a lot of the things that most people do and saving our money we afford the odd treat here and there. Using the drink as an example I don't go to the pub for 2 pints every Saturday for 2 months in a row, so after 2 months I can afford a £40 bottle of single malt to drink at home.

We also do work for it in a way because we deal with our issues and work very hard to get through each and every day. In my opinion I work as hard as I would in a job just getting through the days - I'd rather have no issues but do a regular job because I'd feel like by doing that I'd actually be working less hard.

Sorry I went on a bit but I hope this makes a bit of sense?

Oxonlady

Hi @oldngrumpy, I read what you have to say with interest. My opinion is that you don't need other people's opinions!
You are free to make your own choices about you life and it's not other people's business to make judgements about you and your life.
In fact, if anyone does comment about your life, please ignore them and do not let them know that they are making you feel guilty or uncomfortable. Steer the conversation to something else or you could actually say outright, something like "I wouldn't dream of commenting on your life choices, please respect mine". 
You should feel confident enough in your own judgement and choices to know that you don't have to give an account to anyone else. I'm sure you do your best with the resources you have. 
It's sad to hear you say that you hate your life. 
Maybe you can think of ways to either improve your life in some way or ask yourself if you can learn to focus on the positive things already in your life. 
Once you learn that you don't have to feel guilty nor give an account to anyone else for the steps you take, you may feel a little more content and comfortable with your life. 

I wish you all the best. 

oldngrumpy

Thank you 

woodbine said:

Good idea not having a TV and listening to the radio, something i would do if i was on my own. I find it  a good idea not to discuss with people that you are on benefits, it's your business no one else's.
And also what you spend you money on is no one else's business.

I never compare myself to other people, I would be surprised if anyone on benefits could afford to spend all day in the pub.

oldngrumpy

Thank you

66Mustang said:

I can relate to how you say you feel at the end in your second-to-last paragraph.

I can also relate in that I have a few "luxuries" myself and experience feelings of guilt.

Like you, I am on minimal benefits, but I don't do much with my life in the way of going out and doing things, due to my issues. In addition to not going out I don't have lots of the things that others have - I don't buy branded clothes, I don't smoke, and I've recently stopped drinking heavily (but still enjoy a quality wee dram rather than quantity). This all results in having a small amount of spare money to spend on "treats".

One of my favourite treats is single malt whisky and/or fine cognac. I have found myself sitting with a dram of good whisky or cognac looking at the bottle - nothing extreme but perhaps a £40 bottle which now will last me several months - thinking "what am I doing buying this, I don't deserve it, I haven't worked for it".

Also, due to a combination of, mostly, the generosity of a family member, but also a small amount of my own savings, I own a couple of watches from a well known watchmaker, and I feel similar thoughts regarding those. I own these watches for their beauty and craftsmanship, I don't care about their value, but to many they simply represent money and are a symbol of success. However, I know of people well into the upper tax brackets, doing important jobs, who I'd call "successful", yet they couldn't afford these watches; but me - for whom "success" is being able to open the front door and go to out the wheelie bins without being accompanied - has one. It feels a bit wrong.

At the end of the day I think that we can do what we want with our money. Others are free to do the same but they choose to use their money on other things. For not doing a lot of the things that most people do and saving our money we afford the odd treat here and there. Using the drink as an example I don't go to the pub for 2 pints every Saturday for 2 months in a row, so after 2 months I can afford a £40 bottle of single malt to drink at home.

We also do work for it in a way because we deal with our issues and work very hard to get through each and every day. In my opinion I work as hard as I would in a job just getting through the days - I'd rather have no issues but do a regular job because I'd feel like by doing that I'd actually be working less hard.

Sorry I went on a bit but I hope this makes a bit of sense?

oldngrumpy

Thank you 
Oxonlady said:

Hi @oldngrumpy, I read what you have to say with interest. My opinion is that you don't need other people's opinions!
You are free to make your own choices about you life and it's not other people's business to make judgements about you and your life.
In fact, if anyone does comment about your life, please ignore them and do not let them know that they are making you feel guilty or uncomfortable. Steer the conversation to something else or you could actually say outright, something like "I wouldn't dream of commenting on your life choices, please respect mine". 
You should feel confident enough in your own judgement and choices to know that you don't have to give an account to anyone else. I'm sure you do your best with the resources you have. 
It's sad to hear you say that you hate your life. 
Maybe you can think of ways to either improve your life in some way or ask yourself if you can learn to focus on the positive things already in your life. 
Once you learn that you don't have to feel guilty nor give an account to anyone else for the steps you take, you may feel a little more content and comfortable with your life. 

I wish you all the best. 

Lisatho11987777

@woodbine that's the problem some people on benefits fo that until they run out of money which is resly sad as help could be given if there were enough resources 

They say there are no jobs out there but there is a shortage of help in mental health  drink and drugs problems  youth workers homeless people workers the government could get training to help to train people for those type of jobs and create work 

@oldngrumpy it's no one else's business what you do with your money your good with saving money when you want to go somewhere  there is nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't feel guilty that you live your life the way you do 

Dragonslayer

There is I think too much emphasis on what people think about others and about the way they live their lives. I am on minimum benefits. But I am lucky to have taken out a good pension with the company I worked for when I was 18yrs old.
Those were the times when a pension meant something. Now all these years later it is paying off and I am OK.
I own a car and have done so for many years. My wife and I went to Cornwall earlier this month for two weeks. Our first holiday in 4years. I struggled a lot, because of my condition, but It was a welcome break for my wife. Who is also my carer.
I like a drink of beer now and then and like a little Borbon whisky. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle, but I am fairly comfortable, now at least. There have been times when it was not so. Those were worrying times. 
I admire the way you have styled your life. What is important is that you are happy with your lot. You don't have to feel guilty about anything. I do not feel guilty about how I live my life, nor do I envy anyone. 
I think I understand why you say, you hate your life. I at times hate mine. I wish I could walk like I used to be able to. I wish I didn't have a kidney condition, or head always buzzing to name but a few of my problems.
You have to stop feeling guilty, like I have to stop feeling sorry for myself.
If you are happy with what you have, then it is your business and no-one else's  
Life is what it is and what we make of it. We have to shape our lives with what we have and in the best way we can.
Take care.

Cher_Alumni

@oldngrumpy I'm not sure if you meant to respond to the members you have quoted, but if so remember to enter your text underneath the grey quoted text as some of your messages above were blank.

In your first post you mentioned:

Is there anything wrong... I hate money. I hate my life. I have no creature comforts. But I am contented. (An oxymoron statement)

An oxymoron statement that got me confused! (Doesn't take much these days to be honest  ).  When you say you hate your life, what do you mean?  If you could expand on that a little, perhaps we could help.

In line with other members' comments, I'd like to add that quality of life and happiness is definitely relative to each and every one of us.  What makes me happy - Will Young, chocolate, reality TV - would have others despairing, but that's the thing, they are other to me and ultimately my wellbeing comes above others perceptions of my lifestyle.  Try not to let the expressed or presumed thoughts of others play on your mind, you deserved that holiday to Australia and get those chips and curry down you if you fancy them!