My son has autism and I can't get him to leave t he house anymore. It's affecting all of us

River

Hi looking for some advice please have a 7 year boy with high functioning autism i cant get him to leave the house anymore its the school holidays now so my other children are seriously missing out there all just trapped in the house all the time i have no help desperately needing advice im a single parent with no support feeling so lonely. 

River

Needing advice please how do i coax a 7 year old boy with high functioning autism out of the front door thanks

leeCal

Hi @River and welcome.
You might try telling him a story about a seven year old boy who once went out with his family to the...woods....beach...park...somewhere else and despite his misgivings had a wonderful day! A magical day! Better still try getting him to write the story himself, perhaps a little competition amongst your children to write the best story? 

does he have grandparents who could let him stay for a few days or would that be too traumatic for him?

could he learn to ride a bike Outside of course with your help?

excuse me if all these things are inappropriate I have no experience of autism.
Best wishes. ?

River

Hi leecal thanks  no there not inappropriate good ideas i could try the story.my little boy doesn't even like leaving his bedroom. Even tried to bribe him with mcds. No we dont get any help at all

Tori_Scope

Hi @River Welcome to the community!

This does sound like a difficult situation. Have you spoken to your GP? Does your son receive any support from any medical professionals?

Have you been able to pinpoint why it is he's not able to leave the house? Is there something he's worried about?

You may also be interested in Scope's Parents Connect service, which offers practical and emotional support to parents of disabled children.

This isn't something I have personal experience of, so I'm not able offer advice in that sense. I've moved your post into our parents and carers category, which you might like to take a look through. You may also like to visit our category for discussions relating to autism. 

River

Hi Tori yes my son is under ryegate think hes just so anxious to leave the house bought ear defenders but he refuses to wear them dont think he likes the feeling of them think he just feels safe in his bedroom all day he doesnt like rain or wind or even the sun in his face hes so sensitive thankyou for parenting connect service

OverlyAnxious

If he's happy in his room, maybe there's no need to push him too much yet.  Personally I used to get dropped off at my Nans to avoid various 'days out' especially in the summer holidays.  There were always too many people, too much heat, too much going on generally and I hated it more and more each time.  Being forced into situations like that wasn't helpful for either of us.  I know it was sort of mentioned above but do you have any friends or family that could sit with him at your house while you and the other children go out?  I fully appreciate that you want to do things altogether but from experience on the other side, it doesn't always work like that.

If you have a garden or local park, try to offer some distractions there...I don't know what kids do nowadays but playing Gameboy in the garden rather than the bedroom is the sort of thing I mean.  You might also find the other kids mention something they've done & enjoyed on a trip out and he may be more interested in going and trying it next time.  

rubin16

Hi welcome to the community,

I have autism and I have to agree that if hes worried about going out, theres no clear way to force him. I have lived my whole life in fear of going outside and have sensory overload everytime I'm out. However you could try going somewhere that has a real interest to them, and somewhere quiet and sensory friendly. Do you have any support from family members or friends that could watch him?

Theres lots of support available and you should never feel like your alone, if you've not tried yet you should maybe speak to the National Autistic Society (NAS) who will be able to offer you further support and maybe give you some advice and solutions.

I wish you all the best.

River

@rubin16 @OverlyAnxious
Thankyou. But no family or friends its like because he has autism we dont get invited to anything. Got no one to babysit. He does love mcds but wont even come out for that really worried for his and my other children's futures its not healthy been in the house all the time. 

leeCal

Would he like to garden? Perhaps look after a plant outside? 
Or maybe downstairs to look after a goldfish?
just a couple of thoughts ? 

River

We got fish and guinea-pigs these interest him for a about 10 seconds he used to love his sand pit he would sit in it for hours now hes not bothered because its too hot. All he wants to do is watch about facts of the world and space all day

River

My other kids are getting frustrated they know they missing out. 

OverlyAnxious

It's a shame to hear you don't have anyone else to help.  I don't know what else to suggest really.  I know it's no help right now but if the heat is a big factor hopefully he'll be more willing to go outside again around September time when the temp drops.

Does he have a camera?  Taking pictures might help focus on individual things (rocks, flowers, bugs?) rather than being overwhelmed by a lot of things going on at once.  As he's a fan of world facts, have you got a museum nearby?   Not sure if they're air conditioned or not but they are generally free.  The other kids might find it a bit boring though, it's going to be difficult to please everyone here I think.

River

Thankyou so much for your reply going to try the camara idea first as i think my other kids might cause a riot in a museum haha 

Shoeoholic

Hello

My daughter (10) also has autism (and ADHD) and also struggles to leave the house which effects my youngest daughter aged 7. I am also a single parent.

One thing which can sometimes work, is to find your son's passion or special interest and try and see if this may encourage him out. For my daughter she loves animals, so as long as I plan it in advance she will go to a farm park etc, as she loves to see the animals and I think stroking them, calms her anxiety.

I worry about the effect on my youngest daughter, who is neurotypical and sought advice from the charity SIBS.https://www.sibs.org.uk/. They are a charity that exist to help siblings of children with additional needs. It is worth looking at their website, as they have lots of advice and support and a webpage and content that older children can access.

SIBS advised me to contact the council to register my youngest daughter as a young carer. People often think of caring as physically tasks but my younger daughter advocates for her sister, tries to calm her down when she's distressed, has to be more independent than usual and helps me around the house. She had an assessment and has now been registered, so she has a support worker to help look after her wellbeing, who also liaise with the school. They also arrange days out for young carers on their own where they can meet other children. All this is arranged e.g. they are picked up from home so you don't have to leave. She hasn't been on one yet, because she's just been registered, but they look good things like forest school, rock climbing etc.

baxbaxbax

Hello River
 
Just came across your post.
I am in the same position yourself and Son was in. Im struggling to find something to help my son who completely withdrawn from the world and isolates himself.
How is your son now, any progress made?

poppy123456

baxbaxbax said:

Hello River
 
Just came across your post.
I am in the same position yourself and Son was in. Im struggling to find something to help my son who completely withdrawn from the world and isolates himself.
How is your son now, any progress made?

This is an old thread you commented on and it’s almost 2 years old. The member hasn’t been active for almost all that time so you may not get a response.

When my daughter was first diagnosed with ASD I asked if there was any advice they could give me about trying to get her to leave the house. This was quite a few years ago. 

They asked me why I was so determined to encourage her to go out. I replied that I think staying home in her room isn’t good for her. The reply I got was that Autistic people like their own company and struggle to socialise with other people. For this reason I shouldn’t be forcing her to do something she’s not happy with. By doing so I’m only making her feel worse than she already was. From that moment on, I stopped trying to persuade her to do what she didn’t want to do. She’s been so much happier since. 

johndtay

Just out of interest, in terms of bright light, have you taken him to an optician or got a home visit to see whether he may benefit from glasses or a cheap par of sunglasses to take the brightness. This might be a solution. I would suggest seeing if there's a local way to see if they can help you by a home visit or something to try and resolve or help get things moving.

With the school holidays coming up, so your youngster who is effected by this, would a sports or out of activity school holiday club help? So she doesn't miss out? Also friends etc. can she go out to them?

sorry, trying to answer two questions that may be relevant in one post. 

baxbaxbax

My son does not go out even to.our back garden.
Even when family visit he does not engage with them anymore.
He told me he finds out doors too scary
It has a major impact on our famies life, we struggle to go out even to the shops. We do not visit family or attend family events anymore due to our current situation.
He has also become aggressive and violent to us so we are basically stuck at home with him and his behaviour 24/7.
We have been offered support groups etc but he cannot participate.

Hannah_Alumni

@baxbaxbax Can I ask, who was it that offered you the support? 

johndtay

Can you take the door into the garden off and see if he'd go through the open doorway without the worry of there being a door in the space? Otherwise try covering it up, so he doesn't see it. I was only thinking that might work out if it's the door itself or the door frame. 

If he's happy with the doors inside see if it's the door itself.  If that works then you know whether it's the actual door worrying. Also he wouldn't go outside for an ice cream. 

It's what I'm thinking you need to be creative to find a way. Even if he had to be carried outside would that solve it. 

There's bound to be a solution, if he has friends would he go to the door or out for them.  I'm trying to try and help you find a solution which may help in a different way.