Living the dream. Or just living?

Dragonslayer

After reading many posts from people on here @rubin16 for one It got me thinking.

I never thought that after what I believed was a decent life, I would go through all I have been through these last few years and be suffering the way I am now. I'm not saying living a decent life should have prevented it, for I was no saint, nor sinner. Just ordinary I suppose. I find myself sometimes thinking I did something wrong in life, or didn't do something I should have done. But all that is superstition, or religious. And I am neither really. I am the only one in the family that has been through all I have and sometimes wonder why. Is it fair? I don't know.
It is different if others have influenced things in our lives and caused the feelings and sufferings we have and I can sympathise and feel empathy for those that have been through such things. For us every day is a battle, even getting out of bed isn't an easy task and seems to take forever, as is just the ordinary things in life, just standing, walking, or making a cup of coffee for instance. Being on here does help, especially when we are tired of the constant battles and feel like giving up, or feel sorry for ourselves, like I do at times. I have said before and will say again. The saying, "There are those that are worse off than you." Doesn't help, but reading what others go through on here does help, and knowing there are others with similar problems, or worse and feel as I do at times are there to help in whatever way they can is a good thing.
The purpose in life, is to live it in whatever way we can, or have to in many of our cases. Life is simply what it is, how the dice roll, or cards fall, as the sayings go. 
Whatever the purpose in life is, we will never know and everyone has their own viewpoint on what it is. So, are we living "The dream?" Or just living? Again, I don't know for we don't even really know what the dream is. Or what the purpose in life really is. The fact remains that everyone has their own idea of what the dream is and how they should live their lives. And so, it will remain.
These are just my thoughts of today. They may change tomorrow. And probably will. But try not to think about the bad things that happened in the past, or the bad things that may yet come. Or even the bad feelings of the day. Think again that what may come could be better, or even great, we none of us know. So, carry on with the battles. For maybe, just maybe?
Thanks to all on here, for their thoughts and feelings, and all the help and support it gives me.
Good luck and happy dreams to you all.
 
  

chiarieds

I've said before, that perhaps having a genetic disorder helped, in that I just grew up with it, so that was my 'normal.' It did, & yet didn't help, as I didn't find out what I had; what 'it' was until my 40s. I was adopted as a 6 month old baby, & as one of my cousins said years later, I didn't come with a tag on my toe saying I had a genetic disorder, unfortunately!

I hid my problems (especially during my student years); it was only when I had my own family that I could see my children were experiencing problems somewhat similar to myself, & one worse. Now with my genetic disorder there's a 50% chance of passing it on; my children have all been affected, & all 3 of my grandchildren. So, life's perhaps not fair; surely the odds were not as even as they should be, yet it happens?

The future is difficult, & unknown, but I'm grateful for the past...the exhilaration I felt in ski-ing as a teenager; the places I visited; my physio training helping in looking after our youngest daughter who had a tracheotomy at one week old, & tho devastatingly losing her aged 23 months, my eldest daughter asking me to find out the cause of her problems many years later, & that of our family, which I did, heartbreaking as such research was. Does life have a purpose, I don't know? All you can do is the best that you can at different stages in your life.

I'm with there with woodbine; I've done the very best I can for my wonderful children & grandchildren, but the physio in me has never left after all these years; I still want to help people, & hope I sometimes do here.

Lisatho11987777

I have always said life is how we make it wether we are fit and healthy or not we just have to live the best life we can and do things differently to help us get through and cope 

CoffeeFirst

I sort of view this as a pack of cards then each and everyone of us has a hand. It’s then up to us to how we deal with that hand, be it good, be it bad. 

Places like this are invaluable, just having others to look to for comfort.

OverlyAnxious

You can only play with the hand you're dealt!  I had no idea there were 5 jokers in a pack... 

Dragonslayer

The more I think about the question I asked myself the more I think that Just living is not good enough. Maybe we cannot live the dream we have in our minds, or live the life we would like to have.
But we can 'deal' with and get used to just about anything we face and have to suffer with if we try hard enough. People like us just have to try harder to even live what is called a 'normal' life. 
I agree with @OverlyAnxious. We have to play with the hand we have been dealt. Maybe we should take greater care in how we play them.

peteofherts

@Dragonslayer I could not agree more, and having joined the community yesterday I found some 'relief' that somebody spoke out as honestly and articulately as you have in this discussion.  We should not have to frame our feelings or thoughts in "I have this disability, I have achieved x,y,x, I have had a good life so I should not complain'..........but I am severely disabled from birth, have achieved a lot.  18months ago I was hospitalised in ICU for 3weeks.  Those 3weeks stole so much of my independence that I had been clinging onto for so long.  I am still recuperating mentally, and the COVID situation has really not helped. 

The purpose of life: like you, I have been left wondering if I have served my purpose as I have done so much.  Post-hospital, I struggle to see what mine is now.
I am not in total agreement with 'playing the hand of cards I have'.  I once said to my Neurologist who works next door to Great Ormand Street, that "I could complain about nothing having seen kids coming out of the hospital for afternoon strolls". He replied along the lines of not comparing myself to those kids or others; he wanted the best outcomes for me and reassured me that was not a selfish stance.

The trouble I have is that I can't just 'dream about living the dream'.  Days just go past and if all I have is a 'dream' then days are meaningless.  I feel extremely angry with myself for not doing more, not having that motivation.  But once it drains away it is so hard to retrieve.

Your post has allowed me to put in writing some of the many thoughts I have, and perhaps share with you.  My nearest & dearest would not recognise this vulnerability as they rely on the strength I 'pretend' to have.

I did not expect my first post to be as deep as this. Thanks @Dragonslayer

Duninn

I’ve got dreams - some will be a reality and some won’t and that’s alright too.  I’m a good person, I have had my rough edges, one of six siblings, was an apprentice architect + surveyor hated it so left after 2yrs, served as Mormon missionary, was a registered nurse, community activist, agony uncle, regional drug dependence therapist, Councillor, executive support for environment, executive support for planning + transport, Ceremonial Mayor 2019/20, have a great husband of 32years, beautiful home and gone from walking with no disability, walking with a stick then two, walking with crutches and now dependent on a wheelchair being my legs.  So I think I have achieve a bit and experienced a lot for my total of 58 years and I’m not finished yet.  I have no job, a progressive neurological disease, and very shortly a bus pass.  I believe that ‘if the world doesn’t fit, alter it’. So keep your dreams close and enjoy them, even the ones that get away. 

Dragonslayer

Hi @peteofherts and welcome to the community.
Thank you for your comments on my post I have just read them.
I look forward to reading what I am sure will be lots of posts from you covering many subjects.