Seeking advice ( BPD, severe depression )

dalicex

Hi,
I just turned 21 and came to study in university in September. Due to coming to uni, I lost my accommodation at a mental health recovery home called “Hafal” as my benefits were stopped due to being in higher education.

I am in student accommodation at the moment but I’m scared what will happen in 2023 when I graduate. I recently got added back to the list for therapy as I’ve been experiencing extremely violent thoughts, impulses and depression.  

I am really worried what is going to happen when I graduate ( if I do ) because I have nowhere to go. Hafal was the home I got put in by the homeless team when I was 18. 

I was able to keep a job for 7 months as a support worker but my mental illness eventually got the better of me, on top of my trauma from a abusive childhood. 

I’m so scared and don’t know who to ask for help or what to do. 

dalicex

@woodbine hi and thank you for responding  

I actually used to receive PIP when I was 17 until I was around 19 then I went for a assessment again, got denied it and it stopped.

Tori_Scope

Hi @dalicex Welcome to the community!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and worries. 

Are you enjoying your university course? How are you finding living in student accommodation?

As woodbine has said, you can reapply for PIP. You can also appeal the decision if you don't get the award you feel you're entitled to. As you've done it before, do you feel okay about starting that process again? Please don't hesitate to let us know if you have any questions or concerns. 

Once you're no longer in full-time education, you can look into claiming universal credit. If you're unable to work due to your conditions, you could also see whether you could be awarded limited capability for work related activity (LCWRA) (Citizens Advice).

As you're a student, have you looked into whether you may be eligible for the Disabled Students' Allowance (gov.uk)?

It must be difficult dealing with those thoughts and impulses, along with depression. You've mentioned that you're on the waiting list for some therapy. Would this be through the NHS or your university? Are you receiving any support at all at the moment?

If you ever felt unable to keep yourself, or others, safe, you should call 999 or visit your local A&E department right away.

dalicex

@Tori_Scope the therapy will be with the NHS. I am currently receiving DSA as I asked uni to see their counsellor and the counsellor encouraged me to apply for DSA. 

I don’t think applying for PIP will be any good as I don’t think they’d accept me. 

I’m finding university ok but I’m having doubts about my future and I’m finding living in student accommodation incredibly lonely as I don’t see my family as I’m not close to them so the only person I really used to see was the support workers in Hafal when I lived there and my bf. 

I’m just incredibly worried about my living situation and where I’ll go. I know it’s 2 years from now but I can’t stop thinking about it.
I reached out to Hafal and they never responded after I asked if I could live back there in 2 years. 

I’m worried I’ll end up homeless.

Tori_Scope

Ah right, I was about to suggest you speak to your uni's counselling team to see if they were able to help @dalicex. Did you find them helpful, asides from their suggestion to apply for DSA?

It's your choice whether or not you want to apply of course, but many people with mental illness do successfully claim PIP. The Mental Health and Money Advice website has some information on welfare benefits that you might find helpful. 

It's quite normal to have worries over your future when you're a student and, although it's not spoken about as much as it should be, many students experience loneliness as well. I appreciate that you might not feel well enough at the moment, but have you looked into joining a society at your university? They're a great way to meet people, and will get you out and about a bit. Perhaps you could look into that for the new academic year? I know there was at least one society at the university I went to that was set up as a peer support network for people who wanted to speak about mental health- maybe there's something like that at yours? 

I understand why you'd be worried, but try and focus on positive steps you can take rather than negative things that may or may not happen (if that makes sense!). It seems that universal credit could be a good option for you once you've graduated, if you're not well enough to work. Would your boyfriend be able to help support you if you needed him to?

dalicex

@Tori_Scope Thank you for getting back to me.

I haven't had too much out of the inclusion service yet as I found out about them a couple of months before the first year was finishing so I'll be able to use them properly for my second year. 

I just got a letter with a phone call appointment for my mental health which will be in October so I'm super relieved I will have somebody to talk to. I also have an appointment following some tests done because I've been experiencing some random pain in my body and I have no energy at all plus bad memory which has been going on for over a year which is making simple daily tasks really difficult so hopefully I can get some answers.

I'm not sure if my boyfriend will be able to support me as he finishes uni next year so we will see but I'm hoping I'll be eligible for UC.

I have been in touch with Hafal and they have given me their address to go and see them and hopefully sort something out with my housing situation for the future. I don't know if they can but they advised me to go and see them face to face. 

I feel extremely overwhelmed, worried and pessimistic but I vented to my boyfriend today and he was very supportive and understanding so at least I have that. 

Tori_Scope

Hopefully they'll be able to support you throughout your second and third years @dalicex  

That's good news! Good news about the tests as well, I hope that they're able to get to the bottom of the symptoms you've been experiencing. 

Fingers crossed the face to face meeting will be helpful, and they'll be able to talk you through your options for the future. It should help to put your mind at rest a bit at least. 

It's great that you have a supportive boyfriend. We all need to vent sometimes. I appreciate that you're feeling pessimistic and worried, but it does seem as though things are moving in a positive direction now. Are you feeling a little more relaxed about it, even though you have those niggling concerns? 

dalicex

I had my meeting with Hafal and they called a housing place called “Clwyd alyn” who said they will not add me to the list yet as it’s too soon and I wouldn’t be in position to accept the flat if it was offered to me and they only give one offer that you must accept. This makes me really worried as I already applied for council housing. I understand I’ll just have to apply closer to the time of moving but I’m afraid during this time, they won’t be able to offer anywhere as I’ll be so far on the list that I won’t get offered. I don’t want to be at the verge of homelessness again to be able to be high enough on the “bands” to be offered accommodation. 

I have a mental health team member calling me in October to hopefully start therapy again. My energy has been so so low, I’ve been getting aches all over my body, really bad thoughts and feeling very down. I keep thinking about the future and how if I feel like this, I won’t have the energy, motivation or skills for employment.

ive been trying to teach myself basic math skills like TimesTables and such as I never understood them as a child and I noticed a lot of jobs require it but I keep forgetting everything I’m trying to learn or I don’t understand it at all. I paid for a tutor to help me but one session in he asked me if I “had a learning disability” and it made me feel really sad and defeated so I stopped.

I don’t know what to do  … sorry for the big message. There is so much going on and i feel overwhelmed. I wish I could switch my brain off. 

Cress

.Maybe you could defer university until you're feeling more confident in yourself and your housing situation...
Hopefully being able to engage with therapy again will help you to make any decisions.
Best of luck.

dalicex

@Cress hi and thank you for your response. 

Sadly, I have no choice now but to stick to University as it’s what’s providing me with accommodation at the moment. I am staying in student accommodation so if I stop attending, I will have to move out and I’d have nowhere to go.

I honestly feel like I’ve been punished for trying to get a higher education.  

Tori_Scope

Although I can appreciate it was worrying to hear that you aren't able to secure housing from them now, it does sound like a positive option for you in the future @dalicex Hopefully if you contact them in good time, perhaps during your final year of university, they'll be able to let you know how long you might have to wait while you're on the list. 

really bad thoughts and feeling very down

Do you mind me asking what you mean by this? You can email us privately on community@scope.org.uk if you'd prefer.

I'm sorry that the experience with the tutor made you feel defeated, but I think perhaps they were just trying to work out how best to help you. The university I went to ran numeracy booster sessions for students for free, is that something that's available to you? I think it's great that you're trying to improve your maths skills, so do try and stick at it if you can.