Anger issues

chloeblue04

Good Morning 

Last Sunday, I was out at the Horniman Museum and Gardens with my mum, we didn't go inside so instead we went to the park where there's a marketplace. Just we were going to have lunch, my mum snapped at me and I got upset and started crying. 

On Monday, I'm still angry with her for snapping at me and at work, I flew into a temper tantrum, slammed the door, threw my bottle of water and cried more. Throughout the afternoon, I was sulking and crying and then my boss confronted me and told me off for the way I got angry and stresses and my pessimistic and rude behaviour. I've never been more humiliated and embarrassed in all of my life!   

I banned myself from speaking to her. 

I can get easily angry and upset at times like my sister said. My cousin wanted to help me, my mum wanted to help me, a few of my friends wanted to help me and what do they ask me?  "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

My parents, sister, my cousin and a few of my friends even my boss said that I need to be just happy. 

Last night my mum went out for a meeting with Mind in Croydon discussing about mental health issues. 

My mum thinks I needed help but I didn't care. She's just trying to make ends meet between me and my dad due to my restrained relationship with him. 

I recently went out to Ashburton Park for an afternoon walk on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday before my shifts. Why? Because I needed to be alone and to be free in a calm, peaceful and pleasing environment where I can think. 

Thanks for your time. Thanks for listening. 

Cher_Alumni

Hi @chloeknight16071992

I'm sorry to hear that you've not had the best time lately, but taking a step back there are positives to take away from this situation.  You've recognised that you get angry and it affects your behaviour for a period after, and you've found a coping strategy that helps calm you down - spending time alone walking in a peaceful space. 

When you next get angry, perhaps try the stop and think technique:
1 - Stop what you are doing and notice how you're feeling before reacting 
2 - Challenge the thoughts you're having and question if they're helpful or whether a different reaction would be better
3 - Create a new thought and act on that

Also, try and incorporate those calming walks into your days more to help clear your mind and put you in a good place.

You mention that your boss spoke to you about your behaviour, I'm sorry you found that upsetting.  Did they do it somewhere private?  I realise you've banned yourself from speaking to them, but maybe this would be a good opportunity to try a different approach and explain what was on your mind so they have better insight and are able to support you.  Your wellbeing and happiness will be important to them too so try not to close yourself off from those who care.

Do you have anything nice planned for today?  

chloeblue04

Nobody likes me is what I thought yesterday morning at breakfast time. 

chloeblue04

"Nobody likes me Cher!" 

chloeblue04

I couldn't sleep for 3 nights. I never go to sleep whenever I get, angry, furious, upset or restless. 

Cher_Alumni

@chloeknight16071992

Aww don't be too hard on yourself and remember, just because you think something it doesn't necessarily make it true.  In this thread you've already mentioned lots of people who care including your sister, cousin, mum and friends.  Try shift your attention from your internal thoughts (which whizz and change through our mind constantly) to the words and actions people are saying because I think they show that actually people do like you, and want you to be happy.

This NHS webpage on 'Get help with anger' says to:

• try to recognise when you start to feel angry so you can take steps to calm down as early as possible

• give yourself time to think before reacting – try counting to 10 and doing calming breathing exercises

• talk to people about what's making you angry – speak to someone who is not connected to the situation, such as a friend, a GP or a support group such as Samaritans

• exercise – activities such as running, walking, swimming and yoga can help you relax and reduce stress

• find out how to raise your self-esteem, including how to be more assertive

• consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help others. Find out more about peer support on the Mind website

• listen to free mental wellbeing audio guides

• search and download relaxation and mindfulness apps or online community apps from the NHS apps library

How would you feel about trying some of those?

abbyk41

Hi I have bpd sounds about like how I acted I am doing dbt at the moment and tip skills are really good if you get angry. Get some cold ice wrap it up with a flannel put it against your face for a min or so then do some intense exercise for a few mins then pace your breathing taking it from your stomach then clench your muscles then relax