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Bizarre illness, doesn't make any sense to me
I have this strange illness I don't know how to explain. I go back and forth between thinking it must be physical, and thinking it must be psychological. It doesn't really seem to 'fit' either model of illness. It shouldn't exist.
The main feature of this illness is that I experience stomach pain, nausea, shortness of breath, feelings of being overwhelmed, and an absolute need to stop whenever I attempt or even think about doing something I don't completely, 100% want to do. This means I can't even do work of my own choosing, that I'm motivated to do and want to accomplish for the rewards, such as studying a foreign language, if there's any part of me that doesn't want to do the work.
On the other hand, if I do find some kind of task where I truly enjoy the process and fully want to do it, I enter a state of 'hyperfocus' and it's like my mind latches onto it and squeezes tighter and tighter and it's really hard to slow down and stop or do something else. It can be pleasant at first, but then it becomes too much and gets unpleasant.
If I try to push through the physical pain that I get when doing something I don't completely want to do, my illness gets worse for days or weeks (and possibly permanently). Worse meaning I can be symptomatic even at rest, the symptoms are more easily triggered, are more intense, and last longer. My illness also has been getting worse over time.
I also have general fatigue and weakness, along with brain fog, orthostatic intolerance, overactive bladder, fasting hypoglycemia, and nasal congestion. I've seen so many doctors and specialists and had many tests done, but they haven't found anything significant.
But my illness is so severe that I can't work, can't enjoy hobbies, and can't have a social life.
Has anyone ever heard of something like this? Because I haven't. It doesn't sound like a real illness. Does anyone have what I have? Or have some idea of what it could be? Some way to explain it either medically or psychologically? If it's psychological, I can't even think of a reasonable explanation.
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