Obsessive thoughts that I’m going to do something bad
- While driving, I get worries that I’m going to crash the car on purpose.
- While cutting food with a knife, the worry is that I’m going to harm myself or attack someone else with the knife I’m using.
- While in a group of people where I’m not expected to speak, i.e. a wedding/funeral or a meeting, I’m worried that I am going to shout out.
- It can also be something very minor like if I’ve made myself a nice cup of tea and sat down, I’m worried I’m going to tip the tea over.
Basically I’m worried about being capable of doing anything “bad” be it inconvenient, dangerous, unacceptable etc. and obsessed with the idea that I am capable of acting on these thoughts. I don’t want to act on the thoughts but have a kind of urge to.
I can and have acted on these thoughts in the past but not for several years now. When I do act, the action is NOT a Tourette’s like action where I don’t know I’m doing it. The best way I can describe it is “accidentally on purpose” - I know I’m doing it but I don’t want to be doing it.
Another way I can explain the issue is: if I had a button put in front of me and was told it did nothing and I could press if it I wanted to, I could just ignore it; but if I was told not to press it, I’d worry about pressing it.
If anyone knows anything about this “condition” I’d appreciate it very much. If you have any “leads” at all to anything that could possibly be of interest or help, however minor, I’d be extremely grateful.
This probably doesn’t sound like much but it affects every part of my life and stops me doing anything from work to socialising to simply looking after myself. I would give almost anything for it to go away or, at this point, just to know what the issue is and know what I am dealing with! I have consulted with dozens of professionals and none of them seem to have met this exact issue before, similar things but not the exact problem.
Apologies if you’ve read this before. I make this thread every so often in the hope that anyone has any ideas at all.
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