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Flirting at work

Thomson737
Thomson737 Member Posts: 5 Listener

Hello, My name is Adam. 

I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

Thank you for your time. 

Comments

  • ellieflower3
    ellieflower3 Member Posts: 171 Courageous
    edited October 13

    Hello, My name is Adam. 

    I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

    I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

    Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

    However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

    I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

    You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

    I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

    Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

    Thank you for your time. 

    hello Adam. Her flirting  would suggest she has a fancy towards you and vise versa if that's okay?
    speaking and wanting to talk in real life is okay and that's naturally okay to want and to want to meet and spend time in real life then over call or messaging.

    many people hide their emotions if they show they like someone then it seems she does but she may not want to open up due to different reasons but that's okay!  flirting is a wild subject it's do you like her just as a friend like she suggests she likes you in? or have you fallen in love? 

    not working together as you put might be tricky for feelings, they may slowly move away but that's okay as it seems you two will be together. I found it the same situation with my partner we were very flirty but did not want to enclose we liked each other. we finally spoke and here we are with a 5 year old :).  

    Maybe, if you think it's a good chance their is a spark, one time sit her down with a cuppa or a piece of cake and talk about how your feeling and maybe she might open up? sending hugs. don't force anything due to pressure on your or her as it isn't fair to raise your stress levels as you might muck things up. take it slow and steady as you have a gold of heart Adam

    she might be wanting to open up to you but is scared too only because girls put up barriers and hide their feelings they might have from close family or friends as it's a thing we do to protect ourselves to keep negative things away. hope for the best. talking things out over a dinner would show the feelings you have but maybe she likes you equally?

    keep talking and flirting might make her realise that maybe opening up to you about her feelings towards you might be easier once the months go on for flirting and talking? Being face to face is a bonus but, it's tricky when you like someone but when you both are showing equal feelings but one of you only feel that way it's tricky to open up and be honest. 

    to be able to feel that connection is honesty and being open and if you want to tell her something then maybe write her a note if you guys feel awkward talking? maybe sending her a message might ease the awkwardness? or even leaving a note in her coat pocket at work and show you have genuine feelings for her. she'll appreciate it because it's sweet! maybe give her something she likes, chocolates, flowers and a note? 
    Lilly Josh  <3
  • Thomson737
    Thomson737 Member Posts: 5 Listener

    Hello, My name is Adam. 

    I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

    I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

    Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

    However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

    I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

    You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

    I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

    Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

    Thank you for your time. 

    hello Adam. Her flirting  would suggest she has a fancy towards you and vise versa if that's okay?
    speaking and wanting to talk in real life is okay and that's naturally okay to want and to want to meet and spend time in real life then over call or messaging.

    many people hide their emotions if they show they like someone then it seems she does but she may not want to open up due to different reasons but that's okay!  flirting is a wild subject it's do you like her just as a friend like she suggests she likes you in? or have you fallen in love? 

    not working together as you put might be tricky for feelings, they may slowly move away but that's okay as it seems you two will be together. I found it the same situation with my partner we were very flirty but did not want to enclose we liked each other. we finally spoke and here we are with a 5 year old :).  

    Maybe, if you think it's a good chance their is a spark, one time sit her down with a cuppa or a piece of cake and talk about how your feeling and maybe she might open up? sending hugs. don't force anything due to pressure on your or her as it isn't fair to raise your stress levels as you might muck things up. take it slow and steady as you have a gold of heart Adam

    she might be wanting to open up to you but is scared too only because girls put up barriers and hide their feelings they might have from close family or friends as it's a thing we do to protect ourselves to keep negative things away. hope for the best. talking things out over a dinner would show the feelings you have but maybe she likes you equally?

    keep talking and flirting might make her realise that maybe opening up to you about her feelings towards you might be easier once the months go on for flirting and talking? Being face to face is a bonus but, it's tricky when you like someone but when you both are showing equal feelings but one of you only feel that way it's tricky to open up and be honest. 

    to be able to feel that connection is honesty and being open and if you want to tell her something then maybe write her a note if you guys feel awkward talking? maybe sending her a message might ease the awkwardness? or even leaving a note in her coat pocket at work and show you have genuine feelings for her. she'll appreciate it because it's sweet! maybe give her something she likes, chocolates, flowers and a note? 
    I can't express enough how much I have told her I like her. My feelings towards her are growing each time I see her and it's becoming more of an attraction for her physically too. I've told her many times, what I like about her. She can put herself down, and has expressed that her way of coping is either sleeping or through drinking. I've tried to give her the support that I'm trying to be another outlet for her to enjoy herself. Spending time together and making memories. 

    We have hugged on two occasions. Once I took her to the interchange after a night shift, and she stayed with me 15-20 minutes after I pulled up. At the time, I suggested it must mean something to still be here rather than just getting out and going as soon as i pulled up. The second time was after she told me she sees us as just friends, as a mutual compromise, followed with a pinkie promise that we would remain friends. But it was her that seemingly wanted to ignore me, in her words, to give me some space. 

    My feelings to her is that I would very much like to see her as my girlfriend, but I've not asked or mentioned that. I want to take it slow and steady. Meet up outside of work as friends. Just have a good time, talk, and enjoy each others company. 
  • ellieflower3
    ellieflower3 Member Posts: 171 Courageous

    Hello, My name is Adam. 

    I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

    I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

    Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

    However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

    I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

    You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

    I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

    Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

    Thank you for your time. 

    hello Adam. Her flirting  would suggest she has a fancy towards you and vise versa if that's okay?
    speaking and wanting to talk in real life is okay and that's naturally okay to want and to want to meet and spend time in real life then over call or messaging.

    many people hide their emotions if they show they like someone then it seems she does but she may not want to open up due to different reasons but that's okay!  flirting is a wild subject it's do you like her just as a friend like she suggests she likes you in? or have you fallen in love? 

    not working together as you put might be tricky for feelings, they may slowly move away but that's okay as it seems you two will be together. I found it the same situation with my partner we were very flirty but did not want to enclose we liked each other. we finally spoke and here we are with a 5 year old :).  

    Maybe, if you think it's a good chance their is a spark, one time sit her down with a cuppa or a piece of cake and talk about how your feeling and maybe she might open up? sending hugs. don't force anything due to pressure on your or her as it isn't fair to raise your stress levels as you might muck things up. take it slow and steady as you have a gold of heart Adam

    she might be wanting to open up to you but is scared too only because girls put up barriers and hide their feelings they might have from close family or friends as it's a thing we do to protect ourselves to keep negative things away. hope for the best. talking things out over a dinner would show the feelings you have but maybe she likes you equally?

    keep talking and flirting might make her realise that maybe opening up to you about her feelings towards you might be easier once the months go on for flirting and talking? Being face to face is a bonus but, it's tricky when you like someone but when you both are showing equal feelings but one of you only feel that way it's tricky to open up and be honest. 

    to be able to feel that connection is honesty and being open and if you want to tell her something then maybe write her a note if you guys feel awkward talking? maybe sending her a message might ease the awkwardness? or even leaving a note in her coat pocket at work and show you have genuine feelings for her. she'll appreciate it because it's sweet! maybe give her something she likes, chocolates, flowers and a note? 
    I can't express enough how much I have told her I like her. My feelings towards her are growing each time I see her and it's becoming more of an attraction for her physically too. I've told her many times, what I like about her. She can put herself down, and has expressed that her way of coping is either sleeping or through drinking. I've tried to give her the support that I'm trying to be another outlet for her to enjoy herself. Spending time together and making memories. 

    We have hugged on two occasions. Once I took her to the interchange after a night shift, and she stayed with me 15-20 minutes after I pulled up. At the time, I suggested it must mean something to still be here rather than just getting out and going as soon as i pulled up. The second time was after she told me she sees us as just friends, as a mutual compromise, followed with a pinkie promise that we would remain friends. But it was her that seemingly wanted to ignore me, in her words, to give me some space. 

    My feelings to her is that I would very much like to see her as my girlfriend, but I've not asked or mentioned that. I want to take it slow and steady. Meet up outside of work as friends. Just have a good time, talk, and enjoy each others company. 
    yeah that's' okay. hugging shows true love so pleased. how are you with her at work? 
    Lilly Josh  <3
  • ellieflower3
    ellieflower3 Member Posts: 171 Courageous

    Hello, My name is Adam. 

    I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

    I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

    Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

    However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

    I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

    You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

    I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

    Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

    Thank you for your time. 

    hello Adam. Her flirting  would suggest she has a fancy towards you and vise versa if that's okay?
    speaking and wanting to talk in real life is okay and that's naturally okay to want and to want to meet and spend time in real life then over call or messaging.

    many people hide their emotions if they show they like someone then it seems she does but she may not want to open up due to different reasons but that's okay!  flirting is a wild subject it's do you like her just as a friend like she suggests she likes you in? or have you fallen in love? 

    not working together as you put might be tricky for feelings, they may slowly move away but that's okay as it seems you two will be together. I found it the same situation with my partner we were very flirty but did not want to enclose we liked each other. we finally spoke and here we are with a 5 year old :).  

    Maybe, if you think it's a good chance their is a spark, one time sit her down with a cuppa or a piece of cake and talk about how your feeling and maybe she might open up? sending hugs. don't force anything due to pressure on your or her as it isn't fair to raise your stress levels as you might muck things up. take it slow and steady as you have a gold of heart Adam

    she might be wanting to open up to you but is scared too only because girls put up barriers and hide their feelings they might have from close family or friends as it's a thing we do to protect ourselves to keep negative things away. hope for the best. talking things out over a dinner would show the feelings you have but maybe she likes you equally?

    keep talking and flirting might make her realise that maybe opening up to you about her feelings towards you might be easier once the months go on for flirting and talking? Being face to face is a bonus but, it's tricky when you like someone but when you both are showing equal feelings but one of you only feel that way it's tricky to open up and be honest. 

    to be able to feel that connection is honesty and being open and if you want to tell her something then maybe write her a note if you guys feel awkward talking? maybe sending her a message might ease the awkwardness? or even leaving a note in her coat pocket at work and show you have genuine feelings for her. she'll appreciate it because it's sweet! maybe give her something she likes, chocolates, flowers and a note? 
    I can't express enough how much I have told her I like her. My feelings towards her are growing each time I see her and it's becoming more of an attraction for her physically too. I've told her many times, what I like about her. She can put herself down, and has expressed that her way of coping is either sleeping or through drinking. I've tried to give her the support that I'm trying to be another outlet for her to enjoy herself. Spending time together and making memories. 

    We have hugged on two occasions. Once I took her to the interchange after a night shift, and she stayed with me 15-20 minutes after I pulled up. At the time, I suggested it must mean something to still be here rather than just getting out and going as soon as i pulled up. The second time was after she told me she sees us as just friends, as a mutual compromise, followed with a pinkie promise that we would remain friends. But it was her that seemingly wanted to ignore me, in her words, to give me some space. 

    My feelings to her is that I would very much like to see her as my girlfriend, but I've not asked or mentioned that. I want to take it slow and steady. Meet up outside of work as friends. Just have a good time, talk, and enjoy each others company. 
    wanting her to be your girlfriend is a good sign something is meant to be. hugging helps build that close friendship with that she knows that you truly mean when you say you like her
    Lilly Josh  <3
  • easy
    easy Member Posts: 144 Pioneering
    Please be aware that she may be an outgoing person that is simply being friendly.
  • ellieflower3
    ellieflower3 Member Posts: 171 Courageous
    easy said:
    Please be aware that she may be an outgoing person that is simply being friendly.
    I know. he knows too we are speaking nicely Not horribly?
    Lilly Josh  <3
  • Thomson737
    Thomson737 Member Posts: 5 Listener

    Hello, My name is Adam. 

    I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

    I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

    Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

    However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

    I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

    You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

    I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

    Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

    Thank you for your time. 

    hello Adam. Her flirting  would suggest she has a fancy towards you and vise versa if that's okay?
    speaking and wanting to talk in real life is okay and that's naturally okay to want and to want to meet and spend time in real life then over call or messaging.

    many people hide their emotions if they show they like someone then it seems she does but she may not want to open up due to different reasons but that's okay!  flirting is a wild subject it's do you like her just as a friend like she suggests she likes you in? or have you fallen in love? 

    not working together as you put might be tricky for feelings, they may slowly move away but that's okay as it seems you two will be together. I found it the same situation with my partner we were very flirty but did not want to enclose we liked each other. we finally spoke and here we are with a 5 year old :).  

    Maybe, if you think it's a good chance their is a spark, one time sit her down with a cuppa or a piece of cake and talk about how your feeling and maybe she might open up? sending hugs. don't force anything due to pressure on your or her as it isn't fair to raise your stress levels as you might muck things up. take it slow and steady as you have a gold of heart Adam

    she might be wanting to open up to you but is scared too only because girls put up barriers and hide their feelings they might have from close family or friends as it's a thing we do to protect ourselves to keep negative things away. hope for the best. talking things out over a dinner would show the feelings you have but maybe she likes you equally?

    keep talking and flirting might make her realise that maybe opening up to you about her feelings towards you might be easier once the months go on for flirting and talking? Being face to face is a bonus but, it's tricky when you like someone but when you both are showing equal feelings but one of you only feel that way it's tricky to open up and be honest. 

    to be able to feel that connection is honesty and being open and if you want to tell her something then maybe write her a note if you guys feel awkward talking? maybe sending her a message might ease the awkwardness? or even leaving a note in her coat pocket at work and show you have genuine feelings for her. she'll appreciate it because it's sweet! maybe give her something she likes, chocolates, flowers and a note? 
    I can't express enough how much I have told her I like her. My feelings towards her are growing each time I see her and it's becoming more of an attraction for her physically too. I've told her many times, what I like about her. She can put herself down, and has expressed that her way of coping is either sleeping or through drinking. I've tried to give her the support that I'm trying to be another outlet for her to enjoy herself. Spending time together and making memories. 

    We have hugged on two occasions. Once I took her to the interchange after a night shift, and she stayed with me 15-20 minutes after I pulled up. At the time, I suggested it must mean something to still be here rather than just getting out and going as soon as i pulled up. The second time was after she told me she sees us as just friends, as a mutual compromise, followed with a pinkie promise that we would remain friends. But it was her that seemingly wanted to ignore me, in her words, to give me some space. 

    My feelings to her is that I would very much like to see her as my girlfriend, but I've not asked or mentioned that. I want to take it slow and steady. Meet up outside of work as friends. Just have a good time, talk, and enjoy each others company. 
    wanting her to be your girlfriend is a good sign something is meant to be. hugging helps build that close friendship with that she knows that you truly mean when you say you like her
    I must note, that since this forum is under disabilities in general she has Autism. I posted this on another forum specific to Autism and I realise this may not be specific to that. 

    I don't think she's just been friendly. Our colleagues can see something special between us. Even other teams when we cross over can see it, the way we look and smile at each other. Kind of both going into a state of shyness. 

    Perhaps some examples might help of her behaviour, leaning on me, brushing up against me when we are sat or stood. She sits directly in front of me when there are many other seating options in the staff room, giving the opportunity for my legs to between her legs. Glancing at each other will little smiles that don't need any words. Just looking into each others eyes. 

    Her behaviour outside of work includes messaging me, video calls when she's in her PJs. Telling me things that I wouldn't think she tells anyone else. You could say that's all trust, but it must be some significant trust. 
  • ellieflower3
    ellieflower3 Member Posts: 171 Courageous

    Hello, My name is Adam. 

    I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

    I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

    Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

    However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

    I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

    You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

    I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

    Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

    Thank you for your time. 

    hello Adam. Her flirting  would suggest she has a fancy towards you and vise versa if that's okay?
    speaking and wanting to talk in real life is okay and that's naturally okay to want and to want to meet and spend time in real life then over call or messaging.

    many people hide their emotions if they show they like someone then it seems she does but she may not want to open up due to different reasons but that's okay!  flirting is a wild subject it's do you like her just as a friend like she suggests she likes you in? or have you fallen in love? 

    not working together as you put might be tricky for feelings, they may slowly move away but that's okay as it seems you two will be together. I found it the same situation with my partner we were very flirty but did not want to enclose we liked each other. we finally spoke and here we are with a 5 year old :).  

    Maybe, if you think it's a good chance their is a spark, one time sit her down with a cuppa or a piece of cake and talk about how your feeling and maybe she might open up? sending hugs. don't force anything due to pressure on your or her as it isn't fair to raise your stress levels as you might muck things up. take it slow and steady as you have a gold of heart Adam

    she might be wanting to open up to you but is scared too only because girls put up barriers and hide their feelings they might have from close family or friends as it's a thing we do to protect ourselves to keep negative things away. hope for the best. talking things out over a dinner would show the feelings you have but maybe she likes you equally?

    keep talking and flirting might make her realise that maybe opening up to you about her feelings towards you might be easier once the months go on for flirting and talking? Being face to face is a bonus but, it's tricky when you like someone but when you both are showing equal feelings but one of you only feel that way it's tricky to open up and be honest. 

    to be able to feel that connection is honesty and being open and if you want to tell her something then maybe write her a note if you guys feel awkward talking? maybe sending her a message might ease the awkwardness? or even leaving a note in her coat pocket at work and show you have genuine feelings for her. she'll appreciate it because it's sweet! maybe give her something she likes, chocolates, flowers and a note? 
    I can't express enough how much I have told her I like her. My feelings towards her are growing each time I see her and it's becoming more of an attraction for her physically too. I've told her many times, what I like about her. She can put herself down, and has expressed that her way of coping is either sleeping or through drinking. I've tried to give her the support that I'm trying to be another outlet for her to enjoy herself. Spending time together and making memories. 

    We have hugged on two occasions. Once I took her to the interchange after a night shift, and she stayed with me 15-20 minutes after I pulled up. At the time, I suggested it must mean something to still be here rather than just getting out and going as soon as i pulled up. The second time was after she told me she sees us as just friends, as a mutual compromise, followed with a pinkie promise that we would remain friends. But it was her that seemingly wanted to ignore me, in her words, to give me some space. 

    My feelings to her is that I would very much like to see her as my girlfriend, but I've not asked or mentioned that. I want to take it slow and steady. Meet up outside of work as friends. Just have a good time, talk, and enjoy each others company. 
    wanting her to be your girlfriend is a good sign something is meant to be. hugging helps build that close friendship with that she knows that you truly mean when you say you like her
    I must note, that since this forum is under disabilities in general she has Autism. I posted this on another forum specific to Autism and I realise this may not be specific to that. 

    I don't think she's just been friendly. Our colleagues can see something special between us. Even other teams when we cross over can see it, the way we look and smile at each other. Kind of both going into a state of shyness. 

    Perhaps some examples might help of her behaviour, leaning on me, brushing up against me when we are sat or stood. She sits directly in front of me when there are many other seating options in the staff room, giving the opportunity for my legs to between her legs. Glancing at each other will little smiles that don't need any words. Just looking into each others eyes. 

    Her behaviour outside of work includes messaging me, video calls when she's in her PJs. Telling me things that I wouldn't think she tells anyone else. You could say that's all trust, but it must be some significant trust. 
    Thomas it's called true love! take things low and work around it :) you'll have her hopefully. 
    Lilly Josh  <3
  • Thomson737
    Thomson737 Member Posts: 5 Listener

    Hello, My name is Adam. 

    I am here to try and seek some knowledge and advice regarding someone I work with who has Autism and Asperger's. I've known her for over a year and half. Back in March 2020 she started working with us and unfortunately we all went on furlough by April and due to the nature of our work at an airport we couldn't go.

    I took a real liking to this young lady and told her instantly how I felt about her. Things were a little rocky and up and down between us during lockdown. Not seeing each other was an issue for me because I prefer to see someone than hide behind messages, although we did occasionally do video calls. 

    Around last winter time I didn't know where her head was at. Since the day she started working with us, she has been nothing but flirty with me and everyone else can see it too. It's only in recent months where we really got back on track and established we both like each other a lot. Our understanding for each other has grown and blossomed significantly with her perhaps opening up more than she used to. 

    However, once again things have turned a little sour you might say. My feelings for her have grown considerably. I've hinted at meeting up outside of work. As friends. A coffee date, a shopping date, a leisurely walk, or even welcoming her to my home or vice versa. Both of us live with our parents. We are both of similar age too. I can tell instantly when she is not herself because goes very quiet, and others can sense it too. In the whole time I've known her I have given her the opportunity to tell me where she is. She has never pulled me to one side and told me she doesn't want to advance to anything more. The last shift we worked together, on Monday night, I feel like I might of pushed to her to tell me something that is not all that true. She said she doesn't see us been anything more than friends. But, the way she continues to flirt and look at me, like I do with her, tells a completely different story. Not just to me, but to many others too. 

    I take it that she is perhaps scared or not willing to tell me something. She can't tell me what it is that makes her see me as just a friend. I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can be like she is, but not feel anything inside. Or maybe perhaps she doesn't know what the feeling is if any. 

    You might think that I need to let go, just like if anyone else said they just want to be friends. But, I stumbled across a video online today too where a male explains that his friends had to tell him that he likes his now girlfriend, as much as she likes him and the transition from friend to girlfriend was a big step for him. With this story in mind, that's how I am vision what it is like for the girl I adore at work. 

    I will just touch on that we have both spoken about it maybe difficult to work with each other and see each other outside of work, but our shift patterns do not always match or cross since I am full time and she is part time. So in theory she could go a whole month without been on a single shift with me. (I know this from when I was part time). 

    Any insight at all would be very much be grateful to help me get a better understanding. 

    Thank you for your time. 

    hello Adam. Her flirting  would suggest she has a fancy towards you and vise versa if that's okay?
    speaking and wanting to talk in real life is okay and that's naturally okay to want and to want to meet and spend time in real life then over call or messaging.

    many people hide their emotions if they show they like someone then it seems she does but she may not want to open up due to different reasons but that's okay!  flirting is a wild subject it's do you like her just as a friend like she suggests she likes you in? or have you fallen in love? 

    not working together as you put might be tricky for feelings, they may slowly move away but that's okay as it seems you two will be together. I found it the same situation with my partner we were very flirty but did not want to enclose we liked each other. we finally spoke and here we are with a 5 year old :).  

    Maybe, if you think it's a good chance their is a spark, one time sit her down with a cuppa or a piece of cake and talk about how your feeling and maybe she might open up? sending hugs. don't force anything due to pressure on your or her as it isn't fair to raise your stress levels as you might muck things up. take it slow and steady as you have a gold of heart Adam

    she might be wanting to open up to you but is scared too only because girls put up barriers and hide their feelings they might have from close family or friends as it's a thing we do to protect ourselves to keep negative things away. hope for the best. talking things out over a dinner would show the feelings you have but maybe she likes you equally?

    keep talking and flirting might make her realise that maybe opening up to you about her feelings towards you might be easier once the months go on for flirting and talking? Being face to face is a bonus but, it's tricky when you like someone but when you both are showing equal feelings but one of you only feel that way it's tricky to open up and be honest. 

    to be able to feel that connection is honesty and being open and if you want to tell her something then maybe write her a note if you guys feel awkward talking? maybe sending her a message might ease the awkwardness? or even leaving a note in her coat pocket at work and show you have genuine feelings for her. she'll appreciate it because it's sweet! maybe give her something she likes, chocolates, flowers and a note? 
    I can't express enough how much I have told her I like her. My feelings towards her are growing each time I see her and it's becoming more of an attraction for her physically too. I've told her many times, what I like about her. She can put herself down, and has expressed that her way of coping is either sleeping or through drinking. I've tried to give her the support that I'm trying to be another outlet for her to enjoy herself. Spending time together and making memories. 

    We have hugged on two occasions. Once I took her to the interchange after a night shift, and she stayed with me 15-20 minutes after I pulled up. At the time, I suggested it must mean something to still be here rather than just getting out and going as soon as i pulled up. The second time was after she told me she sees us as just friends, as a mutual compromise, followed with a pinkie promise that we would remain friends. But it was her that seemingly wanted to ignore me, in her words, to give me some space. 

    My feelings to her is that I would very much like to see her as my girlfriend, but I've not asked or mentioned that. I want to take it slow and steady. Meet up outside of work as friends. Just have a good time, talk, and enjoy each others company. 
    wanting her to be your girlfriend is a good sign something is meant to be. hugging helps build that close friendship with that she knows that you truly mean when you say you like her
    I must note, that since this forum is under disabilities in general she has Autism. I posted this on another forum specific to Autism and I realise this may not be specific to that. 

    I don't think she's just been friendly. Our colleagues can see something special between us. Even other teams when we cross over can see it, the way we look and smile at each other. Kind of both going into a state of shyness. 

    Perhaps some examples might help of her behaviour, leaning on me, brushing up against me when we are sat or stood. She sits directly in front of me when there are many other seating options in the staff room, giving the opportunity for my legs to between her legs. Glancing at each other will little smiles that don't need any words. Just looking into each others eyes. 

    Her behaviour outside of work includes messaging me, video calls when she's in her PJs. Telling me things that I wouldn't think she tells anyone else. You could say that's all trust, but it must be some significant trust. 
    Thomas it's called true love! take things low and work around it :) you'll have her hopefully. 
    I am not questioning what it is. I know what it is. The feelings I have runs through my entire body.

    What I don't understand is, how do I deal with the situation if she is reserved and not able to project her feelings like I do with her. She says she finds it hard to say things and would rather message and type it out or sometimes she just doesn't know the answer. I feel she only said she wants to be friends because I was trying to figure out how she feels about me, and I think she said that as easier option because she is scared of taking things outside of work. 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 5,974

    Scope community team

    It can be really difficult when you're not sure how someone else feels about you @Thomson737, especially when you have strong feelings about them. 
    I want to take it slow and steady. Meet up outside of work as friends. Just have a good time, talk, and enjoy each others company. 
    I think this is the important bit. We all move at our own speed, and she might not know how she feels about you yet. She might need to take more time texting and getting to know you in that way first, before she knows how she feels about you. It sounds as though you've been respecting her boundaries, which is great. Would you be willing to be more platonic friends with her while she works out how she feels? 
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  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 10,428 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Thomson737 - welcome to the community, & thank you for both joining & sharing. I wish I had the answers for you, but I don't. I agree with @easy who was certainly not speaking 'horribly,' that this might be the case, but can also see that a person on the autistic spectrum can find it difficult to express their feelings.
    We have some lovely members here with ASD; some on joining say it's easier to chat on here than speak in real life, & that's been a consistent message. People with autism have feelings, it seems often it may be so difficult to express them in 'real life.' Her difficulties are real; believe them, but overall no one on a forum can guess which way things may go.
    I can only suggest, if you haven't done so already, that you try & understand what autism is about; what it may feel like, to give you a better understanding. Some resources: https://www.autism.org.uk/
    https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertszczerba/2016/06/07/experience-what-it-feels-like-to-have-autism/?sh=43b479cd4cb0     ......please note there are 2 videos in the 'Walking down The Street' scenario.
    There are other examples if you wish to look into it, &, just the same as someone who isn't neurodiverse, everyone has both strengths & weaknesses, & we're all different.
    I'm writing this because when my son was 19 or 20, he saw a neuropsychologist, for a totally unrelated reason. This Dr said he wouldn't diagnose my son, but he was 'next door to Aspergers.' My son said he was the first person that completely understood him. Now he was going to Uni, so this Dr compared him to his peers, & he scored 100% in nearly all of the tests, yet a simple question 'go through the alphabet naming any object,' got him stumped with 'F;' he said Ferrari, then couldn't think of anything else.
    Our son has enormous strengths..... great with computers, quite artistic, but, perhaps weaknesses with 'normal' social interaction. He does seem to see things differently. On a different note, unrelated to autism, I have problems with both noise & light; we're all 'wired' differently, & may have different problems, so I'm just trying to give you that bit of insight you asked for in your first post.
    You seem like a very caring person, Adam, so I hope some of the above may help.
  • Thomson737
    Thomson737 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Thank you so much for all your responses. It's so helpful to get a better insight and more understanding. 

    I would like to say I believe we (me and who I like) have established the main reason why she is finding it difficult to advance. Unfortunately she has had some bad experiences in previous relationships and it seems she is possibly worried and scared of future possibilities in future relationships. This seems to be the only true liable explanation. 

    My next question is though, should I leave it where we are just friends at work, or should I take the opportunities to invite her to meet up outside of work with the idea that the more trust she has with me, the chance of something more may happen in the distant future? You could say we could still do that even if nothing does materialise further. I just feel like my feelings won't just shut off for her immediately and deep down I am in fact hopefully one day her mind will open to giving it a chance.
  • easy
    easy Member Posts: 144 Pioneering
    Hi I am just saying this as you and she both sound like nice people and I would not want anyone to get hurt.
    You sound like you have fallen head over heels and if this is not reciprocated I worry you will be gutted.to say the least.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,207 Disability Gamechanger
    @ellieflower3 @Thomson737

    Just a little note to make your posts easier for others to read. You don't need to quote the previous post everytime it makes them very long to read 

    All you need to do  is reply if you want to tag a person to your reply just put @ before user name like i have done above 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 10,428 Disability Gamechanger
    It's often scary for someone who has had a previous bad experience to open up about it, which she has done to perhaps a certain extent, but this may not be the whole reason as to why you don't feel your feelings are reciprocated.....they can be many, & varied.
    Firstly, you haven't taken the time to look into what it may feel like to be someone on the autistic spectrum to give you that better understanding; it's not easy. My son was heartbroken when his first relationship broke down; they'd even got engaged. Some 7 months later he met his 2nd girlfriend, who later told me if he didn't ask her out, she would. They got married over 5 years ago; she didn't think he was different initially, then later said, 'how did I ever out put up with him?' Remember, he didn't even have a diagnosis. They remain most happily married.
    Secondly, as @easy comments, perhaps overall she does not feel the same way about you, sadly. I think it's incredibly difficult to remain friends with someone you care for so deeply, but, if it's worth it, I hope you try. My best wishes.

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