Friendships in your 40s and beyond — Scope | Disability forum
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Friendships in your 40s and beyond

Geegeenumber1
Geegeenumber1 Member Posts: 435 Pioneering
Does anyone else struggle to make or keep friends

I've had a lot of bad luck with friends. Several have let me down after I believed we would be friends forever including one friend I had two trips abroad with but now barely answers if I message her and another friend I was close to for 20 plus years who just abandoned all his friends and family without explanation. I hope only that he is OK and not had a breakdown or whatever and miss him dearly

I'm unmarried and wonder if I ever did get married who on earth id invite to the wedding

I'm close to my mum but only have two other people I talk to regularly and that's online

Is this common? How does it make you feel? 

Have you felt let down by people or have you kept strong friendships 



Comments

  • Ross_Scope
    Ross_Scope Posts: 5,416

    Scope community team

    I think it can be quite common @Geegeenumber1, sometimes people just lose touch and it can be difficult to get back in touch with somebody once that relationship is lost.The pandemic may have had an impact too, for those who saw others regularly and then not at all for months. 

    For introverts such as myself, it can be hard to meet new people and develop friendships, and of course having a disability can sometimes add challenges on top of that. 

    I think it's important to meet people who enjoy the same things as you. Whatever your hobbies are, I'm sure you'll be able to find others who love it too and will bond with you over it.
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  • Geegeenumber1
    Geegeenumber1 Member Posts: 435 Pioneering
    Yeah I think it's common but you see so many people who have huge weddings and always on holiday etc with groups of friends I don't have it like that not even close I'm surprised you are an introvert disability Def adds challenges I've been in this situation since before covid I think social media can be upsetting
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,821 Disability Gamechanger
    I have 2 very good friends but we don't meet up much since I became disabled 

    Also they have their own family and work commitments 

    We keep in touch but gone are the days of having large circle of friends 

    Guess it life we all move on 

    A wedding isn't about a huge guest list it's about you both enjoying the day and making it your own and celebrating with those close to you 

    Not spending thousands on guests you hardly ever see 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • Geegeenumber1
    Geegeenumber1 Member Posts: 435 Pioneering
    It's not really what I meant the the wedding I meant I wouldn't have anybody to invite let alone hoardes of people bridesmaids etc 
  • Teddybear12
    Teddybear12 Member Posts: 1,347 Pioneering
    Hi @Geegeenumber1 Sorry to hear you are struggling with lack of friends. Do you go to any clubs I go to a bowling club lots of people either in couples or single. They have Christmas socials and Easter.  What kind of interests do you have? I would not worry about guests at a wedding just yet. When you find a partner they might have sisters, cousins and a big family and you could share  them. 
  • Geegeenumber1
    Geegeenumber1 Member Posts: 435 Pioneering
    ha ha i have zero desire to get married anytime soon

    im a masters student so go to uni but not really clicked - ive been friendly wth one woman though

    A lot of the students are bitchy and cliquey so not really for me

    I am housebond at the moment so cant really get out and about apart from to uni once a week

    bowling club sounds good ! Glad you have something you enjoy 

    i think im spending too much time on social media where everyone seems to haev hoardes of friends maybbe its just a facade
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Member Posts: 1,702 Disability Gamechanger
    The only way you can make new friends locally is by going out to places...when you can't do that, the options really are limited.  I'm not even 30 yet but don't have any 'real life' friends left due mainly to my restrictive health conditions.  I was hoping to find some new ones with similar interests/problems...but of course they are all stuck at home as well!!  :D  I do have a few online which I'm grateful for, but it's not the same...

    (PS - Have you got your new Golf yet, or have I confused your username with someone else?  :# )
  • Geegeenumber1
    Geegeenumber1 Member Posts: 435 Pioneering
    hi there

    no car yet - it is me! I 

    been waiting almost a year now

    im hoping that will really improve my social life when i can go on mini breaks etc

    yeah my friends are mostly online but the 'real' friends i once had just dissapeared or rejected the friendship with no reason it makes you wary of meeting new people anyway

    i had one friend i knew for 20 years we were thick as theives and now dont even know where he is buiut i suspect he had a breakdown or sometyhing which is awful

    another frined i went to rome and greece with so hardly a casual friend and she barely speaks - i have to message her first then she barely engages and its just on facebook

    ive decided im not going to push people - if they arent invested why should i be

    very excited about the car now apparently they didnt have the correct parts and it is still waiting to be shipped from germany! So it must at least be built now
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 6,610

    Scope community team

    i think im spending too much time on social media where everyone seems to haev hoardes of friends maybbe its just a facade

    It can definitely be easy to look at social media and think that someone's life is a certain way, when that's not necessarily the reality at all @Geegeenumber1. Many people feel this way, so it's important to take a step back and remember that you don't get a full view into someone's life through their social media. 

    It can be difficult to meet people when you're not always able to leave the house easily. Have you looked to see whether any societies at your university are running any online social events? 

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