Friendships in your 40s and beyond

Geegeenumber1

Does anyone else struggle to make or keep friends

I've had a lot of bad luck with friends. Several have let me down after I believed we would be friends forever including one friend I had two trips abroad with but now barely answers if I message her and another friend I was close to for 20 plus years who just abandoned all his friends and family without explanation. I hope only that he is OK and not had a breakdown or whatever and miss him dearly

I'm unmarried and wonder if I ever did get married who on earth id invite to the wedding

I'm close to my mum but only have two other people I talk to regularly and that's online

Is this common? How does it make you feel? 

Have you felt let down by people or have you kept strong friendships 

Ross_Alumni

I think it can be quite common @Geegeenumber1, sometimes people just lose touch and it can be difficult to get back in touch with somebody once that relationship is lost.The pandemic may have had an impact too, for those who saw others regularly and then not at all for months. 

For introverts such as myself, it can be hard to meet new people and develop friendships, and of course having a disability can sometimes add challenges on top of that. 

I think it's important to meet people who enjoy the same things as you. Whatever your hobbies are, I'm sure you'll be able to find others who love it too and will bond with you over it.

Geegeenumber1

Yeah I think it's common but you see so many people who have huge weddings and always on holiday etc with groups of friends I don't have it like that not even close I'm surprised you are an introvert disability Def adds challenges I've been in this situation since before covid I think social media can be upsetting

janer1967

I have 2 very good friends but we don't meet up much since I became disabled 

Also they have their own family and work commitments 

We keep in touch but gone are the days of having large circle of friends 

Guess it life we all move on 

A wedding isn't about a huge guest list it's about you both enjoying the day and making it your own and celebrating with those close to you 

Not spending thousands on guests you hardly ever see 

Geegeenumber1

It's not really what I meant the the wedding I meant I wouldn't have anybody to invite let alone hoardes of people bridesmaids etc 

Geegeenumber1

ha ha i have zero desire to get married anytime soon

im a masters student so go to uni but not really clicked - ive been friendly wth one woman though

A lot of the students are bitchy and cliquey so not really for me

I am housebond at the moment so cant really get out and about apart from to uni once a week

bowling club sounds good ! Glad you have something you enjoy 

i think im spending too much time on social media where everyone seems to haev hoardes of friends maybbe its just a facade

OverlyAnxious

The only way you can make new friends locally is by going out to places...when you can't do that, the options really are limited.  I'm not even 30 yet but don't have any 'real life' friends left due mainly to my restrictive health conditions.  I was hoping to find some new ones with similar interests/problems...but of course they are all stuck at home as well!!    I do have a few online which I'm grateful for, but it's not the same...

(PS - Have you got your new Golf yet, or have I confused your username with someone else?  )

Geegeenumber1

hi there

no car yet - it is me! I 

been waiting almost a year now

im hoping that will really improve my social life when i can go on mini breaks etc

yeah my friends are mostly online but the 'real' friends i once had just dissapeared or rejected the friendship with no reason it makes you wary of meeting new people anyway

i had one friend i knew for 20 years we were thick as theives and now dont even know where he is buiut i suspect he had a breakdown or sometyhing which is awful

another frined i went to rome and greece with so hardly a casual friend and she barely speaks - i have to message her first then she barely engages and its just on facebook

ive decided im not going to push people - if they arent invested why should i be

very excited about the car now apparently they didnt have the correct parts and it is still waiting to be shipped from germany! So it must at least be built now

Tori_Scope

i think im spending too much time on social media where everyone seems to haev hoardes of friends maybbe its just a facade

It can definitely be easy to look at social media and think that someone's life is a certain way, when that's not necessarily the reality at all @Geegeenumber1. Many people feel this way, so it's important to take a step back and remember that you don't get a full view into someone's life through their social media. 

It can be difficult to meet people when you're not always able to leave the house easily. Have you looked to see whether any societies at your university are running any online social events?