Longish Post... Honest Advice Please? — Scope | Disability forum
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Longish Post... Honest Advice Please?

oldngrumpy
oldngrumpy Member Posts: 126 Pioneering
Hia Folks

Would just like some honest opinions please on the following. I will keep it as short but it may drag on....

There are occasions in my life when everything goes against me. This has happened several times in the past, but it is becoming more often now.
Is this something related to Depression?

I am unfortunately a loner  and always will be.
In the last 18 months I got to a pub for a drink of beer. Sometimes I have one, other days like today I have had three. Once I am in this pub I hardly speak to anyone. I speak if I am spoke to but this is hard work, all I do is waffle.

There are certain people in this pub, I don't like, but I keep myself to myself.
Occasionally I get, presuming because I am quiet the occasional cutting remark. 
Nothing real bad, or I had a woman shout to me...Sit over there! When I wanted to sit near her. It was spite. Nothing else
The Barmaid mentioned and noted the way I she spoke to me.

I am genuinely a decent bloke. Treat me with respect and you'll get the same back.
There is this bloke, who is a heavy drinker.
About ten years ago he was talking to me and asked if I had a brother or sister? Brother I replied "Is he like you a Wnkr?
Now ever since that comment I have never got on with him. I cannot stand him. He or anyone can call me a W  but when it comes to my brother. That's a different story.

This morning I had a drink  and unsurprisingly I was on my own. But at the bloke I just mentioned favourite table.
I had plenty of room to my left hand side. But there was limited space to my right. He sat next to me. Right hand side. Looked at me and muttered something... I took no notice.

I then was invited for a game of Pool. About fifty mins later I finished several games of Pool. I went back to where I was sitting prior.
Nobody was sitting there.
A short while later he came back from outside  a smoking session. He sat next to me.
He then piped up why do you always sit by me? 
I replied by what have you got against me?
He muttered Covid for a start.
Don't start he said  i ain't in the mood.
I leaned over to him and quietly said. 
Neither am I Pal. Neither am I!
He then moved to another table.
He then left.

Now I also don't get on with certain number of my neighbours. For over thirty years they have spoke treated me like ****. 
Bullied to put it more politely. 
I had to get the Police involved years ago, this because the H.Assoc. were useless.
That was sorted after over ten years of complaining.

Right enough of my moaning...
I am a very, very negative person. 
I cannot get out of this negative pattern.
I feel like a plank asking this...
Do people give off vibes, like with me negative ones and does this affect how people perceive me treat me?
It's like I stink of ****. And no one likes to be in my company.
I need honest answers, as in the saying you have to be cruel to be kind.
Thank you Folks👍

Comments

  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,772 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry to hear you went through that, personally if it was me I’d just ignore them. If they got really in your face or even physical I would stand my ground but if it’s just comments across the room it’s not worth stooping to their level by getting involved.

    Everyone will have a different opinion I’m sure but that’s just mine.
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,772 Disability Gamechanger
    edited November 12
    Sorry I didn’t actually answer the question.

    I don’t think people give off vibes as such but I think people do perceive things in others (whether rightly or wrongly) so for example if you are just enjoying a quiet drink alone people may assume you are shy and an easy target to bully.
  • TheAlien
    TheAlien Member Posts: 100 Pioneering
    I'm sorry your having a difficult time. 

    I think its more a case that because you're a loner, they simply cannot relate to that and anyone different to the norm scares them, so they react defensively.  I see it all the time, I'm a loner too so I'm perceived as weird because they can't understand why I prefer my own company to anyone else's.

    Its their insecurity, not yours.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,632 Disability Gamechanger
    I would agree about perception, but to answer the question, if it were me I would just find another pub.
    I am a person with epilepsy not an epileptic, my illness doesn't define me.
  • oldngrumpy
    oldngrumpy Member Posts: 126 Pioneering
    66Mustang said:
    Sorry to hear you went through that, personally if it was me I’d just ignore them. If they got really in your face or even physical I would stand my ground but if it’s just comments across the room it’s not worth stooping to their level by getting involved.

    Everyone will have a different opinion I’m sure but that’s just mine.
    Thanking you for your insight
  • oldngrumpy
    oldngrumpy Member Posts: 126 Pioneering
    woodbine said:
    I would agree about perception, but to answer the question, if it were me I would just find another pub.
    Thanking you for your insight

  • Ross_Scope
    Ross_Scope Posts: 5,416

    Scope community team

    I think those experiences are more of a reflection on the aggressors than yourself @oldngrumpy

    As mentioned by others, people do sometimes make an incorrect judgement about somebody else and this can lead to bullying as you have sadly experienced, but in that case it's always a reflection on the poor character of the people doing the judging rather than yourself.

    Unfortunately it can happen quite often in places where alcohol is being consumed that people on their own can get spoken to when they don't want to be. Mostly of course it's just harmless conversation but it can be of a bullying nature sometimes.

    I think it might be a good idea to find a new pub, or speak to somebody in charge to make them aware of what is going on.
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