Support and advice needed. How do I overcome feelings of self consciousness when using a white cane?

Gadget9616

I am a young woman of 30 with ushers. I have night blindness and recently accepted this emotionally. I have just got a white cane and very uneasy about using this, I know it's for the best but how do I overcome the feeling of self consciousness? I will not be defeated by my eyes, I have so much I want to see(in daylight of course!) But first I need to win this pity battle with myself. Any advice or tips from those out their who can truly relate to this? I am the only one in my family, so they have no reference or true understanding of what I'm struggling with emotionally or physically...thank you for listening xx 

Gadget9616

Thanks for your reply, it's greatly appreciated. I know its just my anxiety and confidence that needs boosting and with time this will help and improve. For me it's about the beginning of this journey, I am just adjusting to this. You have raised a point in your message which hasn't even entered my thoughts process of a broken cane.. this is what I wrote the message for, to find out them hints and tips... 

Tori_Scope

Hi @Gadget9616 Welcome to the community! I'm glad that you've been prompted to think of something you hadn't considered already. I hope that other cane users will see your post, and be able to share their own experiences.

I'll tag @Ross_Scope in here, as he may have some insight to share with you. 

@Chloe_Scope also has a series of blog posts called 'Cane Adventures', which I'd recommend you check out. 

Chloe_Scope

Thank you for tagging me @Tori_Scope!

Hi @Gadget9616, thank you for taking the time to share this with us. I've only been using a long cane for a few years. It's definitely taken time to get used to. I personally found writing a good way to express how I felt and to accept this change. Has this ever been something you've thought about?

Hope you have a lovely weekend.

Gadget9616

Hi Chloe, I really enjoyed the cane adventures. It gave me a little insight and was a delight to read! I'm more of a crafty person than a writer, currently doing a few projects! X

Ross_Alumni

Hi @Gadget9616

Welcome to the community, and Merry Christmas to you  

I hope the previous replies on this thread have been helpful, do you feel any better about the prospect of using a cane now?

I think it can be quite common to feel a bit self-conscious when you first start using a cane, I certainly was that way when I first started using mine and I've seen others post similarly on here in the past.

It can be difficult to start using a new mobility aid in front of your friends and family when you're so used to not using one, and when they're used to you not using one, but I think a good way to help you feel better about it is talking, and highlighting to them the benefits that your cane is bringing you.

I also find too that having a bit of fun with the situation relaxes me a bit more, for example I started calling my cane Michael Cane and that became a bit of a joke between myself, my friends and my family, and all in all helped me feel easier about using it in front of them. 

I still have moments where I feel a bit self-conscious, but nowhere near as often now, and I think it's due to getting used to having the cane as part of who I am now, and I'm sure you'll get there too.

Ross_Alumni

Joking isn't for everyone of course @mikehughescq, I just think humour can be an avenue of relieving some of that tension that you might feel, and bring other people into the conversation about your cane in a light hearted way.

That's helped for me but yes may not be the approach that works for the OP. I'm glad that you're very comfortable with yours at this point, they most certainly do reduce anxiety when out and about, that's what I've noticed most since getting mine in September 2019.

Gadget9616

Hi, sorry for the late reply. its been a long day, roll on christmas day when i can crack open the wine!! 

Me and my son use humor a lot, we dont let things get us down, including this (much!) My son called it a gadget at first, but lately hes been calling it the social distancing whacker.  i know i shouldnt laugh, but we live in harsh times and a giggle is whats needed at times.. 

i can say that im most self consious around people that know me, they all know me for one side, the happy go lucky woman who knits and paints. i didnt fully realise until earlier this year, i would make excuses not to venture out in the dark. now its time to embrace all that is me, whacker included. i just get filled with anxiety at this, showing my true self in front of my friends and family. 
on the street alone, or with my son, i feel a bit uncomfortable but nothing extreme. im still trying to adjust to the weights and movements etc. 

does that make sense? sorry for the essay, i think i need that wine now!!

Libby_Alumni

Gadget9616 said:

Hi, sorry for the late reply. its been a long day, roll on christmas day when i can crack open the wine!! 

Me and my son use humor a lot, we dont let things get us down, including this (much!) My son called it a gadget at first, but lately hes been calling it the social distancing whacker.  i know i shouldnt laugh, but we live in harsh times and a giggle is whats needed at times.. 

i can say that im most self consious around people that know me, they all know me for one side, the happy go lucky woman who knits and paints. i didnt fully realise until earlier this year, i would make excuses not to venture out in the dark. now its time to embrace all that is me, whacker included. i just get filled with anxiety at this, showing my true self in front of my friends and family. 
on the street alone, or with my son, i feel a bit uncomfortable but nothing extreme. im still trying to adjust to the weights and movements etc. 

does that make sense? sorry for the essay, i think i need that wine now!!

Hi @Gadget9616        

It's great that you and your son can speak so openly about your situation and find the humor in things. As @RossScope mentioned, it's not a coping strategy for everyone, but if it works for you then that's great

I don't use a cane, but I can relate somewhat to feeling anxious and self conscious around my friends/family when I first got diagnosed with my chronic illnesses. I also wanted to live up to the identity of being that busy go getter, who was always socialising and being active. However, my body just couldn't keep up and I had to start cancelling plans and let go of my former identity. What helped me, was communication and speaking to my friends/family openly and honestly. I would tell them about my symptoms and explain why I couldn't socialise as much. This definitely relieved a lot of the anxiety about not being able to live up to my 'old identity.' Do you feel as though you can be honest with your friends and family about how you're feeling?

You'll definitely get there with time and I guarantee it will feel like a weight has been lifted once you get to a place where you feel comfortable to be your authentic self with your cane etc

Also, you don't need to apologise for the essay at all and I hope you enjoy that wine!

Gadget9616

hello

my brother has been with me through my battles, he is very supportive and understanding.  his kids make me laugh, they dressed the cane up with tinsel and lights! they are 2,3 & 4.
my mother isnt in the equations.
my friends are the work crew, whilst they know about my condition, only one of them have seen me with a cane, i havent worked up the courage for the rest of the factory yet. i have respectfully declined the xmas invitation, for the very reasons you listed above.


haha thanks, i did one better. chocolate liqueurs

Gadget9616

youv have raised a couple of interesting points there.. 

the cane, i wouldnt say its a choice as such, in familiar terriorty ie the walk to the bus stop i can survive without it, im used to the bin being there, i plan for it before i get there. but in other areas, i am dependent on it to stop myself being hurt, i nearly fell into a road once because i didnt realise the curb was a close as it was. my usual walk to the bus stop and then home is lit by street lamps and shops so im relatively okay there, but i do have a collapsable cane should i be exhausted or tired and this is always in my rucksack should i need it or i get sidetracked on the way home. 

i let my nephews bling the cane because they are only toddlers and they dont understand the full story but as they grow and become more mature this will change, they know the very basics at their young age, and righly so. 

the coloured cane thing throws me. as someone who is deaf too, i have a red striped cane, the amount of people who ask what thats about amazes me. id never get a coloured one because firstly its an extenstion of me not a fashion item (im not fashionable in the slightest!) and also everyone knows what a white cane signals, but a neon green one? prior to me getting one, i didnt even know coloured canes exsisted! 
if people dont recongize a red striped cane means deaf/blind, how do you expect them to understand what coloured ones mean?

Gadget9616

when i was explaining to my brother about what im struggling with, he couldnt fully grasp what i was saying. it was dark out so, i took a pair of his sunglasses and put some stickers on them, headphones in on full volume and asked him to walk shop with me, it wasnt perfect but trying to truly show someone with full vision what it is like with blind spot, dark issues & no hearing. he fell straight over about 5 meters away from his house!!

i know falls are a real possibility, but having the cane means i can remove a lot of risk. 

to be completely honest, i didnt even know there was different canes until my condition worsened and it became something i had to know. i knew what a long cane was, in white. i wasnt educated in this but i knew a white cane meant VI.