My daughter has ASD and extreme social anxiety. Im worried she hasn't been going to college

dvt1975

Hi eveyone. I’m a single mum to four children. 2 with ASD (aspergers). 

I am on her to find support, help and advice. My eldest child, 19 year old daughter, doesn’t go out. She has extreme social anxiety & ASD. 

She plays on computer games and her phone all day. She has no friends. No idea for the future. 

Her social anxiety is so bad that she can’t even bear for the car to pull up along side another car with someone in it if she is with me on a drive. 

She has a place at a specialist college but is refusing to go now. She has only walked around the outside of the college and has never been in a classroom with others. I’m so so worried. 

Thank you for reading. Sorry this is so long xx

Tori_Scope

Welcome to the community @dvt1975 Thanks for joining, it's great to have you with us. There's no need to apologise for the length of your post!

I can imagine it'd be worrying knowing that she's not attending college, especially when it seems as though her social anxiety is quite bad at the moment.

Are the college aware of the barriers she's been facing in terms of attending her lessons? Have you spoken to them about any possible support they could offer to make her feel more comfortable attending some classes?

I was also wondering whether your daughter is receiving any support for her social anxiety at the moment? It sounds as though she could possibly benefit from speaking to a medical professional about this, if that's a possibility. Is her GP aware?

I've moved your post into our category for discussions relating to autism and neurodiversity so that you can connect with others who may be in a similar position. 

CoffeeFirst

Hi dvt1975, I’ve just read your post and its something I’ve gone through with my daughter. She finds using a fidget toy can help her keep (some) of her anxiety at bay. 

Hope you both are well. 

L_Volunteer

Hi @CoffeeFirst

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. Your insights are always super valuable. I am glad a fidget toy helps your daughter with managing some of her anxiety. How are things at the moment for both of you? 

CoffeeFirst

@L_Volunteer;  My daughter has started a part-time course and is receiving some support with it. I’m thrilled she’s enjoying it and do what I can to support her with her anxiety. I’m learning as I go along 😀. Thanks so much for asking.

L_Volunteer

Hi @CoffeeFirst

It is really great to hear your daughter has started a course she is enjoying. I always believe enjoyment comes before anything else. It is even better to hear she is being supported to do what she enjoys. You are both doing a fabulous job! 

CoffeeFirst

@L_Volunteer, Libby_Scope; Creative Writing, just so pleased she’s doing something she enjoys. She’s met one girl and they chat here and there so she’s not totally alone which is a big relief as her mum. 

dvt1975

@CoffeeFirst thank you for replying & @Tori_Scope

I appreciate you both taking the time. My daughter takes propanol to manage her anxiety. She has tried a range of antidepressants which have had a little to no effect. 

Her specialist college are very kind and supportive. She is extremely intelligent and the college is for young people with learning difficulties. She is there to focus mainly on her social skills. We’ve had a meeting with the local authority and decided that she can come in one day a week to an empty classroom and do craft or art for an hour a week. Just to take the pressure off.  So that’s a relief. 

dvt1975

@CoffeeFirst I would love my daughter to meet real life friends. So lovely to hear your daughter is enjoying her writing. 

Tori_Scope

That sounds a little more positive then @dvt1975 I hope that going in for an hour at week helps her to feel more comfortable and confident in leaving the house. Fingers crossed one day she'll feel able to make some in-person connections, if that's what she wants, in her own time. 

That's great news @CoffeeFirst! My partner did a creative writing degree, and really enjoyed it. I hope that your daughter continues to enjoy the course and make new friends  

L_Volunteer

Hi @CoffeeFirst

Thanks for your response. It is really great to hear your daughter is doing something she enjoys. What a bonus that she has also met someone who she can talk to! I hope this continues for her 

CoffeeFirst

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

@dvt1975, I’m so pleased to hear your daughter will be allowed to do one hour art or craft. Anything my daughter does now I see as a small step. If that step doesn’t happen then I have a think and look at the potential for the next small step…
Best of luck for you and your daughter.

L_Volunteer

Hi @CoffeeFirst

Thanks for your response. Small steps are such great progress if they are in the right direction! And alternative strategies for reaching the same steps are really important. How are things with you and your daughter at the moment? 

CoffeeFirst

@L_Volunteer
Both doing ok thanks. My daughter still does struggle with her anxiety and I was concerned how she’d be on the bus. We’ve not yet mastered it but are slowly working towards it (although not sure how..yet). She recently received a good mark for a piece of her work she’d produced so she’s currently on Cloud Nine, lol! 

I’m

L_Volunteer

Hi @CoffeeFirst

Thanks for your response. Wow, what amazing progress already! I am glad she can see the wonderful work she has produced.

Slow and steady with managing anxiety and buses. I think both of those are a daily challenge but will get there in time with the right support. Slowly increase the length of bus routes and to less familiar places may help. However, you know your daughter best!

Just reach out if you have any questions or need anything