I am to blame for my elderly father's untimely death...

ResilientNeighbour7

All I can manage to type is that I am feeling beyond guilty and 100% responsible.
I was obviously not there at his deathbed. I don't know if the idiots at the hospital even tried to save him. I wonder so many things like what he was thinking, saying, feeling in his final minute. Was anyone there to hold his hand, to kiss and hug him.
Oh you have no idea. He was, at the best time, such a cute little old man!
He wore false teeth so when he smiled without them he looked 
All I want to do right now is hu
I can't believe he is gone. I do not want to accept it. I know death is inevitable but I really thoughy
I wanted to eventually build bridges and see him at my graduation ceremony, whenever that would have been.
I now have no motivation to .
What is the point of life without a father to make proud.
Sister and mother are different. I always argued with all three of m family but daddy was my best friend. He didn't do much (being in his old age) but sit in his corner of the living room watching boring TV and staring out of the window, but I won't ever get to see him or talk to him or hug him.
Yes sometimes in his distressed states he would say and do silly things such as criticse my mother, which I couldn;t handle and I would become very angry and hate him, but I knew deep down that wasn't my father talking, but whatever traumas he has.
I always felt sorry for my dad. He had hardly anyone. He lost his own parents too young, all his siblings died before him, he raised 6 kids without their mother, he became a widower, my sister and I came along thanks to my darling mother, and then all of a sudden before I've reached 30 and through ongoing personal trauma including the vicious neighbours, unemployment, illness, I've now lost my dearest Daddy.
I don't know if he was cremated or buried. I don't know the correct protocol of what to do after someone dies. I don't know my duties.
People lose parents daily around the world. I don't know how they cope. I feel helpless, lost, angry.
I honestly feel like a baby who just wants a hug from their father.
This is horrible.
I am being punished . I wish I was never born. I am so sorry. I ruined my family's life.
I only found out through my friend on the phone last night and that he died last year.
I could not speak for at least a minute due to shock.
And then of course, like the idiot I am, I just cried like a baby.
I was my daddy's baby daughter, the youngest, the one causing the most problems.
Maybe I killed him, maybe he died because he missed me.
I thought I was doing them a favour by estranging myself.
I am the worst sister and daughter.
How do those of you adult children deal with death. Sorry if Scope is not the right platform to ask such a personal question but it is the only community I am a part of right now and quite frankly today I am struggling to move for many reasons.
I am 26. He was 92. My mother is now widowed. My sister is without a father. My half siblings are without a father. My step siblings' grandchildren and great-grandchildren are without their grandad and great- granddad. He was such a good man but I stupidly never realised until too late.
I am so sorry to my family and mostly to my father.
May he rest in the highest of heavenly peace.

Alex_Alumni

Hello @ResilientNeighbour7 I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father, and I hope that with time, love and support you will know you're not to blame. No one is. 

I can't imagine what you're feeling or what you're going through right now, but we'll do what we can to support you here on the Scope community.

Cruse has a helpline you can call which is open until 2pm this afternoon, or you can chat online to counsellors if that's easier.

The Bereavement Advice Centre also offers lots of support, and the NHS has information to help you take care of yourself, and your mental health during this time.

Your father sounds like a lovely man who will be much missed, even at 92 years old. No matter how long someone is with us, it's still very hard to believe when they're gone. It sounds to me like you, his children, and family were there for him throughout his life, and that his life was all the better because of you all.  

Please remember you are not alone, we are all here for you. If you need to talk or reach out, let us know.

Alex

Sandy_123

Hi @ResilientNeighbour7 sorry to read about your dad's passing. How you are feeling is part of grief, the advice above with links you might find useful.  I always find it helps to look back on the good times you have had. You are not to blame for this. 

ResilientNeighbour7

Thank you

janer1967

Hi there 

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss . I lost my dad 13 years ago very sudden death and nobody got to say goodbye even my mum as he died in his sleep . However it is exactly how he would have wanted to go 

Grief is a long process and you are at the initial state of shock , anger 

Is there anyway you could reconnect with your family to get some insight into his final hours and maybe where he is laid to rest 

This is not your fault and he lived to a good age 

Seek help with the links above 

Libby_Alumni

Hello @ResilientNeighbour7, 

I just wanted to check in to see how you're getting on?

I'm so sorry to hear about your father, it sounds as though he was very much loved by you and your family. Grief is a strange process and there's definitely no right or wrong when it comes to grieving - everyone is so different and copes in individualised ways. Did you manage to take a look at some of the resources that our members shared with you?

We are thinking of you and please reach out if you need any additional support/advice.

Libby