Don't know if suited to relationships

bluesoul

Few  months ago met someone from autism site been sort of visiting her getting know each other.

From start been very difficult this only relationship ever had at time she had spit up with her ex bf at time having breakdown where her child taken off her into care.

With my autism being on  pip and universal credit explained this to gf/partner from beginning that may be to much that i need carer i find lot things hard to understand she said didnt mind she be my carer after we met  she said wanted me to be her carer to . 

Not sure if could be carer each other and if even capable gf has fibromyalgia she always in pain talked her about seeing doctor she got some medication but refuses to take it saying wont do anything.

At moment after some advice not sure what to think with gf always in pain made worst by cold living in private rented house that in bad condition.She lived with her ex bf until he moved out and rent hasnt been payed gf said something to do with landlord not giving her new agreement.

Did suggest at time paying off what she owned at time so have somewhere to live but landlord wanted more money that she didnt trust my gf with them blaming each other  .

At moment dont know what to do  because condition house started look for somewhere new because only gf name on house renting she had said put my name down that  living here with her changing everything .Dont know what that mean at moment landlord given her notice to leave but due to mistake landlord cant make her leave for few months.

Gf mentioning that if change my address living there with her when both thrown out  be down as couple dont know what to think with her owning on rent.

That housing officer talked about housing pool to find another place  but gf mentioned using my credit rating not her  because she bad credit history dont know what any this means .

With gf saying she owns money on council tax  doesnt have pay it because had share account with her ex bf that he should of payed it .

Dont what to think a lot this stuff dont understand it if my writing bit hard to understand have problems with writing.

janer1967

Hi there 

I would be very careful.if you change your address and live as a couple you will become joint tenants and will possibly become liable for the debts 

You need to ensure any debts from her last relationship are settled in full 

You may also not have a credit rating if you have never been responsible for anything like rent   council tax , bills etc 

I think you need some expert advice and suggest you contact citizens advice or welfare rights before doing anything 

If either or both of you  claim  benefits these can also be affected by moving in together 

SueHeath

Hi and welcome @bluesoul I hope you don't mind me asking but how long have you been with your partner 

Ross_Alumni

Hello @bluesoul

Thanks for making this post and explaining to us what you are going through, I can understand why this has caused you uncertainty and confusion.

As mentioned above, it might be worth seeking some professional advice for your situation, just so that you can be supported throughout and helped to make an informed decision. You could consider contacting Citizens Advice as suggested previously on this thread, but you could also look at the Money Advice Service via this link.

In your post, you said:
"With my autism being on  pip and universal credit explained this to gf/partner from beginning that may be to much that i need carer i find lot things hard to understand she said didnt mind she be my carer after we met  she said wanted me to be her carer to . 

Not sure if could be carer each other and if even capable gf has fibromyalgia she always in pain talked her about seeing doctor she got some medication but refuses to take it saying wont do anything."

Firstly regarding care, you might find it beneficial to get in touch with Carers UK who would be able to run you through all your options. You can care for one another, but of course you'll have to consider whether you're comfortable with that.

Welfare Rights would be able to advise you about what benefits you could claim, or you could enter your postcode into Advice Local to see what is available in your local area in terms of support with benefits.

Has your girlfriend discussed her concerns about her medication with her GP? Is there anything that has given her the impression that it won't work for her?

bluesoul

Only been together for few months things very complicated with gf recovering saying she had breakdown over relationship with ex bf and at moment trying see her child who taken into care.

Dont think any these bills have been payed council tax just letters all over the place mentioning about collectors visiting her for what she owed. With what going on this landlord after rent that owed gf saying she not going pay it concerned her telling me i need put it down as my address that effect me having pay it.

Gf talking about join universal credit and shared bank account got feeling that lot more dept she has not telling me about .She just said got bad credit and that probably things that still owes money on .

She in lot pain tried talking to her about seeing doctor she said would then when got medication said wouldnt work never said why she thought that.

janer1967

@bluesoul have you posted before about this under a different username as the details seem very similar to other post sorry if this wasn't you 

If it was have you taken on board any of the advice given before 

You need to get help and expert advice and make sure you keep yourself safe from financial hardship 

If you live together and haven't reported this to dwp you need to do this as you should be classed as a joint claim but you need to get advice on how this will affect both your benefits 

I certainly wouldn't have a joint bank account with anyone I have known for a short period of time or who has numerous debt and ignoring the fact 

Your relationship seems to have progressed really quickly without knowing much about your partner think it's time to take a step back and reflect on what you are getting from this relationship and if it is right for you 

chiarieds

Had the same feeling as Jane @bluesoul - we don't mind you doing so, but it's a little easier if we can put all your concerns together, then hopefully advise. It's very difficult for you, & we only try to help. It seems you too have concerns.

SueHeath

Hi @bluesoul I agree with all the above comments, I do feel the relationship is to new to start thinking of living together, you still have lots to learn about each other.
If i was you, if you don't mind me saying, i would stay independent and just enjoy the new love and dating

bluesoul

Sorry have posted before but lost all details so couldnt log back in.Think moment have contact cab have concerns over gf talking about joint claim and account with her saying she had lot unpayed bills.

And with her telling me change my address to where she lives that in process of being evicted

TheAlien

I'm loath to say it, but your girlfriends behaviour is raising so many red flags with me, I'm not sure I can begin to unravel them.

I think you need to put some real distance between yourself and her bad debts, they are HER debts not yours and only she should be responsible for them.  A joint account would give her access to YOUR money as well as her own and there would be little to stop her draining the account regardless of whose money was in there.  I've been in the position before of being the financial provider for a partner who was irresponsible with money to say the least, and it not only didn't end well, it took me years to escape the financial mess he left me in, and I ended up having to pay off his debts, because I did exactly what your girlfriend is proposing.

As for changing your address, this would mean that if bailiffs are instructed, your possessions may be at risk of being seized as well.

I'm really sorry to be so blunt, but this girl sounds like a user to me.  Please, please take care to look after your own interests.

janer1967

No problem about posting in new user name

My concern is you keep telling us all the problems with your relationship but you don't seem to be doing anything different 

Of course it is your choice on any action you take 

I'm going to be blunt as well do yourself a favour and get out of this relationship having these issues so early into it is just a sign of how bad things could get 

This will no doubt have serious consequences for you if it continues 

It's your first relationship so you don't know any different but take the advice everyone has given you and put a stop to it now while you can 

bluesoul

Think going have to are least take break from this this

bluesoul

sorry didnt see relate have look at that thank for the link