The joy of missing out

Alex_Alumni

JOMO is an acronym for joy of missing out and describes the pleasure of taking a break from social activity, especially social media, to enjoy personal time. It’s the opposite of FOMO, which you might know as the Fear of Missing Out.  

Sometimes, we can feel a pull to our digital devices to check in on the very latest happenings around us, and in the world at large. In an effort to feel connected, we can also build up a false picture that everyone is somehow doing better, doing more, or knows a lot more than we do. Or even that everything is going wrong, things are uncertain, and foreboding. This might go on to feed into any feelings of self-doubt, stress, or anxiety, and can be incredibly wearing day after day.  

It might feel like we can’t control everything going on around us, and that’s partly true, but we can control our exposure to it at least. If you feel like any online content is having a negative impact on your health or mood, you always have the power to walk away from the screen.  

You might like to think of both concepts this way:  
 
FOMO: Focusing energy on things that don’t serve me 

JOMO: Focusing energy on things that make me happy 

It might sound a bit selfish, but self-care is often something we don’t do enough, and which doesn’t have to be limited to online spaces.  

I’m always happy to share any practical tips and advice on the forum, so I’d encourage everyone to have a look at mental health charity Mind’s page on finding an online/offline balance.

I’d like to know your thoughts on the subject, feel free to use the questions below and share your answers: 
 
Are you online more than you’re offline? 
 
Do you limit your time online, or on social media? 

What are your best coping strategies for when you’re feeling overwhelmed by online content? 

How do you support your wellbeing when you’re offline? 

leeCal

Recently I’ve had a series of marketing emails using highly emotive phrases and words such as ‘value bomb’ or ‘murder your credit card’ etc, which I find very distasteful, anxiety provoking and absolutely unnecessary. Especially as they are selling music lessons! These I find difficult to cope with as they appear in the headline of the email and I obviously must read it which is the intention of course. Unfortunately as I have a mental health condition i am very sensitive to such content. 

So how how do I cope? Not that well actually but if I feel particularly bad I meditate for a free moments to clear my mind, a bit like refreshing the page. Sometimes I also send them to my trash bin as revenge, ha ha. Which sometimes works for me. 

recently I’ve been re learning the bass guitar which is a distraction and I do it offline. I also meditate for a half hour or so every day which I find helpful. Incidentally you don’t have to be a Buddhist to meditate, though I recommend learning the basics of Buddhism as it can be psychologically helpful.

Alex_Alumni

I can appreciate why that's stressful for you @leeCal I wonder if there's a way of snoozing those emails when you feel you need a break, or of changing your email preferences for a while?

Some companies allow you to choose not to receive reminders for specific dates which might be triggering, or remind you of loss, like Mother's Day or Valentines Day, which I feel is a positive step, as it's mindful of a variety of lived experiences.

Alex_Alumni

Thanks @Username_removed I didn't expand on it, but the link to Mind I shared talks about a balance between seeking support online and seeking it offline.

I think it's fair to say that people can of course use online spaces to vent and seek support when that's needed, it's perfectly valid. But it's when the balance tips into it becoming overwhelming, and contributing to negative feelings, that taking a break is perhaps the best option. 

Definitely something we need to be more mindful of in general, giving ourselves breaks. It's a hard thing to do sometimes.

Lisatho11987777

Scope give me enough breaks lol 😆 😂 

Danielle_2022

This is an interesting one for me, @Alex_Scope! I muted almost all of my notifications about three years ago due to the severe anxiety that I felt around whether or not I had received replies etc. It was very easy for my brain to (irrationally) feel abandoned, so this gave me a sense of power and control over that. So, I could communicate when I was ready, if that makes sense. Nowadays, I’m a lot better, but the process of unmuting everyone would take far too long! I have turned off all my social media notifications & hidden the number of likes on my posts, too. The only people whose messages come through immediately are my close family and partner, hahaha! 

With that said, I do spend a significant amount of time on my phone, also. I read something on Twitter recently that said “disabled people don’t have the luxury of going off the grid”, which is very true to my experience. All of my friends are far away (some more than others) and my partner is long-distance, so being connected is really valuable to me. Not only that, but I volunteer here online and would ideally find remote working to be most accessible. It’s all balance, I think, though I have stopped reading the news.

If you’re interested in stuff like this, I’d definitely recommend “Notes on a Nervous Planet” by Matt Haig, too.

Alex_Alumni

Thanks @Danielle_2022 you make a really important point about the importance of staying connected online, particularly with the people we love. I shall have to check out your recommendation as I've heard a lot of good things about Matt Haig

Muting notifications is a really good way of tackling some of the anxiety we feel, certainly. And I definitely agree with staying away from the news, especially 24hr news streams, as they become incredibly repetitive and often don't provide much new information. If the news is important enough, you'll find out about it somehow! 

66Mustang

I make a conscious effort to not read sections of most websites where the public can write things on. A good example is the comments section of YouTube (which I have actually managed to block by convincing my ad-blocking software that it’s an advert). The reason for this is I find the negativity and the nastiness affects me and also I just don’t want or need to hear random, unqualified, peoples’ opinions.

I have never and will never use any social media site like Twitter or FaceBook so I don’t have any experience in how they can become overwhelming, but I can well imagine they do. I have looked on these sites half a dozen times when browsing the general internet looking for certain things and it just doesn’t look like my kind of thing at all, in fact they kind of incorporate lots of things I don’t like all into one horrid package.

I find interesting that you say “we can also build up a false picture that everyone is somehow doing better, doing more, or knows a lot more than we do”. I have managed to conquer the first two as I’m no longer jealous when I see people on the internet with lots of money, or who do exciting things. However, I do often think the third one - I’m always wondering how some people online are so intelligent and I’m not! Perhaps some people just have a way of coming across as intelligent when really they are in fact normal?

Danielle_2022

@66Mustang,
It sounds like you have a really healthy relationship with the way that you use the internet, which is really good to see. It’s all about understanding what works for you and then respecting your own boundaries, I think.

For what it’s worth, I think intelligence looks different in everyone & you have nothing to prove. Plus, it tends to be easy for a lot of people to just automatically believe whatever they’re reading online, I find. As long as you’re doing your best, that’s more than enough. I actually just read in another post that you’re working on some studies and have been doing cooking? Both of those things are wonderful achievements

66Mustang

@danielle_2022 I think “respecting your own boundaries” is a great way of putting it. That’s a good point about the intelligence. I often find if someone just writes well, and perhaps more importantly: confidently, then people will believe or agree with what they say. I actually notice this on a motoring forum I’m on where quite often the most knowledgeable mechanics are in fact not so good at writing. Thanks for the kind words about the cooking and study

L_Volunteer

Hi @66Mustang

Thanks for your response. I think you have written quite a few interesting points there. It was a really intriguing and insightful read. I hope you are well 

66Mustang

Thanks @L_Volunteer

I’m not too bad but a bit uneasy about what’s happening in the world at the moment, the news never makes me nervous but this time it has done!

I hope you are OK at the moment