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Its Friday.......Jokes
"How did the kangaroo steal the car?..........She jump-started it"
Comments
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Knock Knock
Whos there?Boo
Boo who?Don’t cry it’s only a joke -
one from my 8 year old grandson:
Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡 -
Two Irishmen were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car's indicators are working.
He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."
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Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy replies: "In the car."
"Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy.
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An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.
"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"
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Dr O'Mahony tells his patient: "I have bad news and worse news, John."
"Oh dear," John replies. "What's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible," says the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"
Dr O'Mahony replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
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You put my Alexa to shame!!!!!!I am a Scope Community Volunteer Adviser with knowledge of "life"! Lived experience including employing personal assistants, being gay, sport & leisure inclusion & participation, mental health issues.What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse. 'Asking for help isn't giving up,' said the horse. 'It's refusing to give up.”
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Frank Carson (Irish comedian) goes to a hardware store and says
”have you got any nails?”
the assistant says “how long do you want them?
Frank says “forever.”“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
What troubles do Ghosts have throughout the whole week?
Saturday fright fever.
Why couldn’t I go to a dumpling party on Saturday morning?
I had to work on Friday night.
What do ghosts like to do on a Saturday night?
Boogie!
Credits: Saturday -
Friends who haven’t seen each other for years meet in the street.
1st man “ Hi, how are you, are you still working?”
2nd man “ Yes, I’m working as a spy”
1st man “ A spy, then why are you dressed up as a shepherd?”
2nd man “ I’m a shepherds pie “
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My dog's just blown up his kennel.
He's a Yorkshire terrorist. -
What do you call a sheep who hates Christmas?
(press bar to find out)Baaaa humbug!
Two workmen go in to a pub, sit down and start eating their own sandwiches. The publican spots this and says “oi, you can't eat your own food in here!”
So the two workmen swap sandwiches.“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
leeCal said:What do you call a sheep who hates Christmas?
(press bar to find out)Baaaa humbug!
Two workmen go in to a pub, sit down and start eating their own sandwiches. The publican spots this and says “oi, you can't eat your own food in here!”
So the two workmen swap sandwiches.
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What kind of device are you using @Biblioklept?
Brightness
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