Phased return

bluefox

Hello all,

I have been off work for 15 months with Non Epileptic Seizures, Depression and Anxiety. 

My workplace have offered me a phased return to see if I’m capable of doing the job or able to motivate myself. 

They have offered me for two weeks a ‘one hour shift’ each week to see if I’m capable of doing the job. 

Originally they were going to dismiss me through ill health. Since they’ve offered me this I’m going round in circles with stress and anxiety. I know it’s only a short shift but I can’t help but worry that I’m not going to be capable of doing the job in the future. 

So why am I even trying? Or is this my inner chimp trying to keep me in my safe place. I’m not sure. 

I’ve spent the last few days or so in bed, unable to sleep, not eating etc. 

Part of me is worried about losing my job but the other part realises I’m probably not really fully fit for work yet. The other part is telling me would the job aid my recovery from depression and offer and outlet for isolation. 

So many things going round in my head. I’m on ESA, so they may offer me permitted work to do this. 

Can anyone support me through this tricky decision? I feel so overwhelmed. 

I feel like if I lose this job I will never find one ever again due to losing my
job through ill health. I’m useless at interviews etc and have always struggled with my mental health.