P. A. recommendations for my Son to travel. — Scope | Disability forum
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P. A. recommendations for my Son to travel.

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MumofAlec
MumofAlec Community member Posts: 5 Listener
edited March 2022 in Housing and independent living
Hi Guy's, my Son who is 19 and has Chronic Fatigue/M.E. and Anxiety is wanting to travel to visit a friend abroad. I am not well enough to accompany him and he has never flown or been abroad. I am situated in the South west UK.
 I'm feeling well out of my comfort Zone with him travelling and my hiring a PA for him. Any advice or recommendations would be much appreciated.
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  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 54,316 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi,
    You would be better off doing some google searches to see what's in your area, although this may not be easy.
    Are you also aware that your son would need to pay for the PA's travel costs and also agree to either an hourly or daily rate for their earnings. It could potentially be rather expensive.
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
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  • MumofAlec
    MumofAlec Community member Posts: 5 Listener
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    I am aware, but will look in my area. Thank you Poppy123456
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  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi Mum as a Nan, i hope you don't mind me asking and i really don't want to offend but do you think Alec will cope on an airplane ?

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  • ProudMumForever
    ProudMumForever Community member Posts: 235 Pioneering
    edited March 2022
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    @MumofAlec , good morning , as a Mum (51) of 2 sons (15 and 25) i can empathise with youre concerns . As someone who has anxiety,depression etc etc my anxiety would be through the roof even getting on a train,to be perfectly honest i wouldnt be able to travel on my own, buses are hard enough for me . My concern is him travelling alone when he has never flown or been abroad .It is also going to be very costly if he does hire a PA , and what if they dont get on as well as expected ?

    Is there an option for his friend to travel over and stay with you , so they can spend time together ?

    I wish you both the best of luck in whatever you decide.

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  • Libby_Alumni
    Libby_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,251 Pioneering
    edited March 2022
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    Hello @MumofAlec 😊

    Welcome to the community, it's great to have you here with us.

    Thank you for your query and it sounds as if you're doing the best you can with the resources that you have available to you. I think our other members have made some great suggestions, do you think your son would feel comfortable asking his friend to potentially stay with you both instead? I can imagine this option would relieve a lot of stress and anxiety around the travelling situation. If your son is adamant that he wanted to travel, it might be worthwhile looking into some coping strategies for anxiety before he goes away. For example, through potential support groups/helplines/therapy. Anxiety UK have some great resources about getting help for anxiety and outlines what type of support is available for individuals who experience anxiety.

    Please do let us know how you get on and I hope things work out for the best.

    Libby

    Online Community Information Coordinator
    Scope

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  • MumofAlec
    MumofAlec Community member Posts: 5 Listener
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    Hi everyone, thankyou for your interest and concern. My Son is 19 and would also be going with another 19 year old friend whom he has known for a long time and who has been on holiday in the UK with us before and whom he has been to a camping retreat with last year. They travelled by coach. He is happily a much more confident person when he is with this great friend. It's very difficult when they get to that age because whilst it would not be my choice (having anxiety myself) It is important to let him, as an adult, make his own decisions. He has missed out on SO much that other kids experience as he's been unwell since the age of 7 so I am trying to find a way to help him make it work. The PA was a compromise that we reached together. I am not sure if the trip will go ahead or not but am preparing for if it does. We will reach this point anyway at sometime in the future. Libby, I have tried the 'can he visit us' approach, thankyou, but to no avail. Thank you also for your suggestions for resources. I will definitely check them out. He has had previous training from CAHMS etc. What a lovely community this is. Thankyou to everybody and I look forward to getting to know you all more. Louise

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  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Disability Gamechanger
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    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/491673#Comment_491673

    Hi ya it is a lovely group.

    I see what your saying about letting your 19yr old spread his wings.

    As a Mom it's the hardest thing to let our children have a taste of freedom from us and you are well preparing for his moment, it's a hard thing to do but we want our children to have a lovely experience.

    I should imagine it's the same for every parent - "you will never stop worrying about your Child"

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  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    I think you worry more as they get older certainly the case for me . But that's as they start to do and go places with their mates instead of with you

    At least they have mobile phones not like when we were young

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  • ProudMumForever
    ProudMumForever Community member Posts: 235 Pioneering
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    It truly is the hardest part letting your children spread their wings . We know in our hearts that will always need us , but its still a worrying time .

    I wish your son the very best of luck @MumofAlec .

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