Covid and a vulnerable mother

MobileGames

Morning. How are you?" Sorry I haven't been on here for a while. My Dad passed away a few months ago from stage 4 Melanoma which had mestatisised to his brain. My Mum,who I live with has inoperable and untreatable Endometrial cancer,Type 2 Diabetes,which she nearly died from back in December,Osteoarthritis of the back and is immunocompromised due to the cancer. She has psoriasis on her legs,cellulitis on a leg above the ankle and swollen feet and ankles due to her lymphatic system not working properly due to being immunocompromised. She's also on antibiotics because of recurrent uti's due to the cancer. My sister,who works at a primary school as a TA,doesn't wear a mask anymore since they lifted their restrictions last Monday. She also doesn't wear one in the supermarket. I know it's a choice,but our Mum is extremely ill. Mum's been told by the Diabetic sister nurse and District nurses that anybody who visits must wear a mask around her or we can wear one. Mum gets claustrophobic wearing one. I text my sister asking if she could wear one to come in and leave, and then distance from us in the living room. She said that she's not going to come over until our Mum gets her 4th jab. She said that then she won't get Covid at all. You can still spread it and get it. With how ill our Mum is she could end up in hospital. I've told her this,but she dismisses it,saying that she'd just get a cold. Is she a medical expert? I am saddened,disappointed and feel so invalidated by this. She still wore a mask last July when the restrictions had been lifted because of Dad having cancer,so what's different now??? Now she doesn't wear one at work and there's already been cases of covid there. She's not talking to us and it's upsetting. What should I do? Rant over. Thanks for reading. 

Ross_Alumni

Hello @MobileGames, lovely to see you back on the community. 

Sorry to hear of your loss and about everything else your family is going through at the moment. Thank you for talking about it on the community, I hope it has helped to get things off your chest  

As you say, it isn't a legal requirement to wear a mask but it's a shame that your sister isn't doing so around your mum considering the potential risk associated with catching Covid. 

Is she fully aware of the doctor's recommendation that everybody where a mask around your mum? Perhaps she just doesn't completely understand the consequences.

Do you know when your mum will be getting her 4th jab? Of course that doesn't mean she then can't catch or spread Covid as you said, but it will hopefully help.

jan5987

Hi I am sorry to hear about your mum and the way your sister is, me personally I think she is been very irresponsible and just because the rules have changed (I think for the worse)  it doesn’t mean she can’t wear a mask when visiting, I seriously don’t understand peoples logic.
like Teddybear said don’t ask your sister to visit if she can’t be bothered to wear a mask, I was shielding at still am in a way apart from visits to hospital appointments and doctors, my daughter visits but not like she did and I have windows and doors open as I know they mix so much my daughter is deaf so struggled to wear one but did when it was mandatory and clear ones she couldn’t get on with.
I still feel nervous when I see her.
Take care of yourself and your mum x

jan5987

Also my daughter is getting married in five weeks and I know that no one will be wearing a mask and everyone that will be has had covid but me and my husband thank god.

MobileGames

@Ross_Scope. Thank you. She's been told that she needs to be careful. Mum told her what the Diabetic sister nurse said and she dismissed it. My Mum's on the waiting list for her 4th Jab.

MobileGames

@jan5987. Thank you. Can you socially distance from your Daughter when she sees you? Would you be able to wear a mask to the wedding? It's difficult because you don't want to seem antisocial but at the end of the day,it's your health. 

MobileGames

@Teddybear12. Thank you. In my sisters eyes,Mum would only get a cold. She's being a bit ignorant. She's also being manipulative and stubborn. I'm not even asking her to wear a mask for the whole time that she's over,just to come in and out,and distance when inside. If she wants to get funny with Mum and I,that's up to her. I just thought that she'd be more thoughtful and careful. Thank you for your kind words. 

woodbine

If she won't take notice of what the family says then she should imho be told to stay away until she agrees to follow medical advice.

jan5987

MobileGames said:

@jan5987. Thank you. Can you socially distance from your Daughter when she sees you? Would you be able to wear a mask to the wedding? It's difficult because you don't want to seem antisocial but at the end of the day,it's your health. 

jan5987

Hi Mobile I do when she comes to the house but i have windows and doors open, it’s not easy as you want to hug and kiss her 
at the wedding no masks she said as I am walking her down the aisle well I hope I can walk or be using a wheelchair, it’s really difficult and upsetting and I am nervous it’s not how your expected to feel when your only daughter gets married.
i know I agree but it’s going to be difficult as it is with the way my health is to do very much. 

Thank you.

MobileGames

@woodbine. Exactly. I don't know if she's being ignorant,naive or stubborn,or a mixture of all three. It's upsetting. They arranged the funeral for us,(my sister and her husband) and we are very grateful for that. When we had the two lockdowns I saved up by not going to small groups and having the cleaners in. My Dad who was well at the time and hadn't been diagnosed with cancer helped me. I'd mop the floors. Kitchen one day,living room the next with a mop that you spray,because a mop and bucket would cause me to need to bend and bending too much affects my acid reflux,causing stomach ache and nausea. I'd wipe down surfaces and Dad would do the sink,toilets and bath,and I'd sweep upstairs using a long handled dustpan and brush,doing my room and the stairs one day and their bedroom the next. The money I saved,I offered to pay for her  child's ring with Dad's ashes in it and she she said "What about mine too?" So I said "I can't afford both and I'm using my birthday money to get a bracelet with his ashes in for myself." I thought,what a cheek. It's my way of saying thank you for her filling in forms and sending them off and her husband ringing companies,filling in forms on line and sending copies of the death certificate out,and arranging the funeral. They'd put on spreads on new year's day,several years ago,a spread after their child had a naming ceremony when they were a toddler,and a spread after Dad's funeral. We'd go over for lunch sometimes. They'd come over on a Saturday for lunch. We'd babysit when they went Christmas shopping and give the children their dinner and they had dinner a couple of times with us,several years ago. Dad and I babysat 9 years ago when they went out to celebrate her 40th. We've given bags of food when they were struggling financially to get food,and I would give them any left over birthday or Christmas money that I had to help with a car repair. We've both helped each other out,so I'm saddened,upset and disappointed that she's ignoring us. 

MobileGames

@woodbine. Thank you. I'm not responsible for the way she thinks,feels and behaves,but I am responsible for looking out for our Mum. She is too,if she could only see that. I'm going to sit this out and wait until she gets in touch with us. The memorial ring for my sisters child is arriving at theirs around or on the 19th of April,she'll have to get in contact then to say thank you.